im lucky

Am glad you are Lockie. mq7

It's good to know you are still with us.

I have come close on a few occasions this winter. But something has always stopped me, not sure what but i'm glad it did.

Keep well

madmouse

Hello there everyone,

Hope you are all well.

I can relate to your posts. I am lucky too, I took and overdose. 90 - 119 cocodomals on the 7 feb and i'm still here luckily, i had gone away from my home to do it, so i left my mum a note etc. only way im still alive is beaue my mum was driving around the area and beeping her horn on the car and it woke me up... my mum says that it wasn't my time to go bless her heart. i have a damaged liver but only stayed in hosp for a week.

I've been given 10mg of citalopram (and i'm on day three, feeling well hungry and more chilled out actually) and i've been recommended to see a counsellor, which I really want to do.

I think my problems were deep rooted from child hood, myself and my mum having a mentally abusive father/husband (which i started Anti Depressants and counselling for but stopped it too suddenly at the age of 17 ... silly me thought i was ok uh oh) and having dyslexia which has only just been diagnosed now at 25 years old, plus also a very bad on and off relationship... i really love the guy and he knew the right words to say although he wasn't ever 'ready' i finally ended up telling him i what i was going to do (OD) and he just hung swore at me and hung up on me... not heard from him since, although i've sent him a 'i'm ok' message still no reply, although that is no surprise to me anymore

He wasn't very nice to me lots of mind games etc, it's going to take a while to get over it, as I found that I relied on him a lot, probably due to the underlying depression from before.. i know i'm no angel too. But it's time to start rebuilding my life now

My only kinda problem now is that I have my college exams just now and am meant to be trying to get on with uni, thankfuly i've explained my situation to the college I study at and they are postponing things for me for a little while so i can re-cooperate which is fantastic of them, and i feel like i've been given another chance, there are times where i feel ashamed and guilty for what i've done, more so for my mum and step dad because i cannot even begin to imagin when she got the note that i'd written saying that 'i want to go to a better place'

I am going to stick at the Citalopram it's going ace so far, bit tired and drowsy but that is good considering i have been feeling superstressed for quite a number of years, no problems with sleep, only thing is just eating a lot, which to be honest, i have always loved my food anyway hehe.

Love and peace to you all and try to stay strong

Jo x

P.S - Suicide is not the answer, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem

Hi denners

Have just read your posting.it's like you say suicide is not the answer. Don't feel gulty and ashamed of what you have done. it sounds like your mum is a very loving parent and understands what is happening. as for your boyfriend, it's like you say it will take a while to get over it, but you will.stay strong and all the best with uni. keep in touch with us on this site.

stick with it

madmouse

hi denner im glad you are still with us, i hope every thing is ok at uni good luck with your studies :D

just a update with whats going on with me and my experience.

ive been to docs and had a chat about stuff i thought she might up my dose but she hasnt dunno if thats a good or bad thing to be honest.

ive seen the counclier today and after a breif 40mins of my life story he has refferd me to the second team ( i think these are the phyco people in the menal health dept? not 100% sure :? ) they he says are going to assess me and see where we go from there

i just want to get this lot sorted and stop having the dark thoughts

ill post more as it happens so others can read whats happening to me too (and to be honest it helps me too to share it with you lot here )

Hi lockie

It's good to hear from you. when you say you have been refered to the second team you are right, they will be mental health.it's a bit like your g.p refering you to a consultant at a hospital. he has done all he feels he can so he refers you to someone with more experience. i hope this makes sense.

hope all goes well. keep in touch.

madmouse

i have had my appointment through for this second session on tuesday so wish me luck.

its nice to look forwards to something for a change

ive been and seen them she lissend to me ramble about my existence i ansewrd a few questions one made me giggle inside it was do i have a criminal record? i was thinking yes agadoo by black lace but answerd no to her. i guess when i feel uncomfatble about things i try and make a joke as a sort of self defence thing i dunno. she mentioned bipolar i dunno what she means by that i wouldnt think i was bi polar?

i mean like are these normal questions

didnt quite know what to make of it. she seemed ok supose i dunno. maybe i was expecting more

she did raise me to 40 mg and told me to go back in a fortnight.

i dunno now i feel like im back in limbo land

sorry for my ramblings :?