Im not sure what is happeneing to me

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In all honesty i have been having a rough couple of years. It started when my friend died and i still feel asthough i am grieving. After my 18th birthday i started to become unwel, with extreme stomach cramps, dramatic weight loss from 10 stone - 8 stone which is extremely nderweight for my body height of 5ft9, up till this day i am still in and out of hospital for tests and operations. Im not sure if how i have become has anything to to with my physical illness or if i would have developed it wether or not i had become ill. when i am out with my friends or even family i am extremely desperate to go back home, go to my room, close the door and go back to bed. I went through a stage where i wuldnt leave the house for weeks and i would just stay in and clean constantly. when i am out I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me eventhough there not:S I hate being in crowded places as it makes me have panic attacks and i will emotionally break down. I know i have insecruritie issues, i hate my body and the way i look but i still dont feel this is a main reason to me being like this.I just feel numb all of the time, i cant really explain it its like a blanket of darkness is constantly hanging over me and even when i try to enjoy things i just cant i feel extremely empty. No one seems to understand and it makes me feel so angry, i think about suicide all of the time but i know i couldnt do it because of what it would do to my family, i just feel like there is no way out, i dont  want to feel like this, i dont want to feel hollow, am i depressed or just weird? rolleyes

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  • Posted

    Hi hannah. It sounds like you have body dysmorphic syndrome (you can google that if you dont know about it already as well as anxiety, lack of confidence and the symptoms in your stomach etc, the physical ones are either ibs or down to the anxiety. But your doctor should be able to work all of this out. You would need a therapist for the syndrome, a physical doctor does not understand it at all. Hope you feel better soon and have a good day today.
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  • Posted

    Can i ask you if you have had any sort of counselling because it sounds as if you are still among the grieving stage and you need to get out your fears to a none family member , have you told your Doctor how you feel , Most importantly you must tell yourself you are not weird - don't ever think that also you are not alone in how you feel so don't think is it just me , you seem more then depressed because of panic attacks , i am sorry i can't help you more (i am in similiar way ) but i am certain there will be others on here who will be able to give you better advice
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    • Posted

      hi maria,

      i havnt had counselling yet, i am a bit worried about going, i find it hard to talk about the way i feel, and the thoughts I have. I talked to my doctor about it a few weeks ago but he didnt seem that interested and just handed me a leaflet. Im only 19 so maybe he just put it down to my age, im not sure. I do still think i am grieving, i have a lot of regrets also but i know i cant change anything. All i know is that i just want to feel free, free of whatever is happening to me, i look at people having fun and a laugh and wonder why i cant feel like that. Im sorry to hear that you are going through something similar, i hope you have someone who understands and that youre not alone

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    • Posted

      My Doctor has helped me - he referred me to a local Mental Health project that was set up by my Local NHS - i had CBT and like you i have trouble expressing how i feel with talking, etc however i can write down how i feel , is it possible to see another Doctor in your practice - a lady Doctor - you should be able to request seeing a female Doctor because of private issues , also you can in some area's refer yourself to a local NHS counselling service  , this is not about me - i have my own discussion on here , this is about you and to let you know that many youngsters out there feel the same way as you do , have you tried checking out MIND facebook page - they have been a help to me and they are especially keen on helping your age group- please try them as well . Thinking of you , and take care in this hot weather .
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