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In all honesty i have been having a rough couple of years. It started when my friend died and i still feel asthough i am grieving. After my 18th birthday i started to become unwel, with extreme stomach cramps, dramatic weight loss from 10 stone - 8 stone which is extremely nderweight for my body height of 5ft9, up till this day i am still in and out of hospital for tests and operations. Im not sure if how i have become has anything to to with my physical illness or if i would have developed it wether or not i had become ill. when i am out with my friends or even family i am extremely desperate to go back home, go to my room, close the door and go back to bed. I went through a stage where i wuldnt leave the house for weeks and i would just stay in and clean constantly. when i am out I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me eventhough there not:S I hate being in crowded places as it makes me have panic attacks and i will emotionally break down. I know i have insecruritie issues, i hate my body and the way i look but i still dont feel this is a main reason to me being like this.I just feel numb all of the time, i cant really explain it its like a blanket of darkness is constantly hanging over me and even when i try to enjoy things i just cant i feel extremely empty. No one seems to understand and it makes me feel so angry, i think about suicide all of the time but i know i couldnt do it because of what it would do to my family, i just feel like there is no way out, i dont want to feel like this, i dont want to feel hollow, am i depressed or just weird?
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