Im tired.

Posted , 12 users are following.

Ive already made up in my mind that i am going to kill myself and I know how and what date.  See i suffer from pancreatitis and Im always in severe pain.  CPS came in and removed my kids from my ex because I would go into the hospital and would be unable to work and with him being the only oneworking sometimes the lights got cut off so that the rent could be paid.  Im just tired of everything and everybody.  Im waiting for the day my 10 and 8 year old goes to school becuse I refuse to do it while they're here.  Pray for me please!!!!!!!

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  • Posted

    Oh my god please please please don't. Your kids will be so hurt and confused and it will haunt them for the rest of their lives if you did it. Speak to a doctor and tell them how you're feeling and the lengths you're willing to go to to end your pain. They will have to listen. Please. I am praying for you still. Xxx
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  • Posted

    You really need to seek help and talk to someone, not only for yourself, but for your kids.  Believe me I know how you feel, been suicidal many times myself, we've got to think of our children and the devastation we'd leave behind.  Your children are young, and need you.  Please seek help and maybe get better pain relief too?  Hope you'll be ok.  Keep posting or you can message me if you want to. xxx
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  • Posted

    OK stop right there. You need to phone someone right now....I can't reiterate enough what the others have said. Your children will never get over this and it will follow them all their lives.

    Please speak to someone now even if it's us on here.....we can all listen if you need us too but please please don't do anything drastic.....x

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  • Posted

    I don't really know what to say,I only joined last night and to hear the pain that your going through its quite scary,there is always a better route than suicide, you have two lovely kids,you need to seek help,go see a doctor or go the hospital,you need to do something because what your thinking is not the answer. be strong,x
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  • Posted

    So you would leave those beautiful children of yours....wondering why you didn't love them enough to find another way to end your pain?  How do you think they are going to feel?  How let down do you think they will feel?  Physical pain is bad, but I believe that mental pain of the kind they would suffer is worse.

    I will pray for you....but not for your suicide....I will pray that you will not carry out your plan.

    Your life sounds to be truly terrible at the moment, I cannot start to imagine how I would feel in your situation, I am so sorry and sad for you.  But things change.  You must think of your children first, you brought them into the world, you owe them more than your suicide.

    Keep posting, let us know how you are, we will be watching out for you.

    My heart aches for you.

    Pat. xx

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  • Posted

    I'm going to be completely honest, so I'm sorry. not all of this is going to be optomistic. When I first started reading this, I understood what you were talking about. I have Algophobia, the fear of pain, so I can't possibly imagine what you're going through and the torment so I am in no place to judge anything. However, your kids are still young, and anything that happens in their lives now will follow them for the rest of their lives. Especially at school. You may think that you're doing them a favor by waiting till they go to school, but the absense of a father through puberty can be extremely detrimental. They need you. I understand, believe me I do, and In your place I might even do the same, but as unfair as life has been to you and all the pain you've gone through, your kids will go through worse. I hope that this is enough to stop you and that you will eventually find happiness. My sincere and deepest apologies, but you can't die yet.
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  • Posted

    Sweetheart, suicide is not the answer, I know how you feel, I've been there, but really it's not the answer, at this moment in time you think this is the only way out but it's not.....I am severe pain all the time too I have severe Rheumatoid Arthitis and sometimes I think if this is it for the rest of my life I don't want it....But please believe me when I say that deep down you don't want to die, you just want to pain to stop for a wee while, I can't and won't pray for you to commit suicide.  What I can pray for is that you go back to your doctor and tell him/her exactly how your feeling that you want to take your own life, no they  won't  take your kids  off you but what it might make them see is just exactly how bad your feeling.  Please promise me that you will go to see your G.P., asap and get this sorted.  

    Ask them about acupuncture as I started it a few months ago with a doctor at my clinic and it does work for pain....My only problem was that I had to have a beak from it due to the doctors other commitments and my other commitments, but I really felt a difference and have now started back.  Just waiting for it to kick in.  But please put the whole idea of suicide out of your mind.  Your babies would be distraught and could never understand why mummy didn't love them enough to stick around, they would blame themselves thinking if only they had been good it might have made a difference.  They would carry this around with them for the rest of their lives and then perhaps would lead to further mental complications later in life, you don't want that for your babies, you want to live and see them grow up into beautiful adults. Take care. Tricia x

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  • Posted

    Hi Omunique1,

    Before you do this I just want to ask how will you do it? because years ago I and a friend would recreationally use meds to get high and one time I went too far and thought screw it I'm done with living and I overdosed deliberatly in the bathroom only to awake covered in water and my father screaming at me crying (my father was a war vet so hard man) and I remember looking into his eyes and thinking wow he is really scared and emotional I had never seen that in him. I learnt that it was a very dark place and times were rock bottom yet I became aware that the people who I didnt really think cared about me infact did, it was a refreshing experience one you wont see if you do take your own life. I poromise you that your children will have a difficult life without you if you do this and people will remember you for the wrong reasons so think about that please !!! Why not try this tomorrow... Write down things you should die for and things you should live for and see which is higher everyday for a month and qualify which way? 

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  • Posted

    I have to say, I am with everybody here.

    Please think of your beautiful children.

    They would be devestated to lose you....and you would not be there for them, to protect them, nurture them, and see them grow.

    I hear you - that you are in constant paIn. Please go and see your Doctor. Tell him what you have told us. He has to find some way of making your life more liveable.

    Please let us know how you are. Keep talking to us.

    We are all praying for you...praying that you come through this bad time. xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi, I feel the same way as you do right now.  I have so much going on in my life right now as well and feel it would easier just to end it all.  I have a 9 year old who is in Grade 4 and he is my reason for living and if it wasnt for him I would not be here now.  My life is extremely hard with all the problems I am experiencing and my son is the only reason I am alive.  I wanted to end it all recently too and I almost did but then I heard his voice and I couldn't go through with it.  He would hate me so much if I did and that is the last thing I would want.  I love my child with all my heart and no matter how hard my life is I need to think about him and only him and drag myself through this terrible life for his sake.  I have no other choice but this.   Think about this also.  You need to do this for them.  They love you and will hate you for leaving them.  It is extremely hard I know but you just have to think about them first before anything or anyone.  Let us know how you are doing.  Take care.  Feel free to chat anytime you want to. 
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    • Posted

      Yes they do.  He is my only child and I love him to bits.  I am still hanging in there.  Its hard and I battle daily but I really don't have much of a choice but to carry on.  I look at his face everyday and just carry on.  Thank you so much.  Take Care also. 
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    • Posted

      You are very strong Shabina it’s a tough life we live and hearing the stories from those who fight every day is nothing short of incredible and courageous ! Awesome work keep fighting J
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    • Posted

      Thank you but  I wish I was strong but I am not.  I am very weak and am barely hanging in there but I am trying.  I cry all the time because of the way my life has changed over the past year.  I made some terrible decisions which has led me to where I am right now.  There is nothing I can do to change it so I just have to carry on living this life which I hate.  On top of that I developed tinnitus which has led me to becoming suicidal.  I battle on a daily basis with this also and my life is very tough.  cry
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    • Posted

      Ah, now....tinnitus. There is a forum on here if you would like to chat to others about it.

      I have had Tinnitus for near on 30 years, and can tell you that the only way to deal with that unwelcome guest, is to push it to the back of your mind (don't dwell on it - don't allow it to take a hold of your mind), and mask it with background sounds as often as you can.

      Radio on quietly (so as not to aggrovate it), or the telly. I have heard that some people have a fan on in the background while they sleep, so they don't focus on it, and can get some sleep.

      You may need help with pushing it to the back of your mind....go and see your Doc, and he can refer you to an Audiologist who can teach you how to "ignore" it.

      Not focusing on Tinnitus is the only way to live with it.

      Also, wear earplugs to do things like hoovering, lawn mowing, and even an electric shaver, so these sounds don't aggrovate the Tinnitus.

      All the best, and keep chatting to us. xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you.  I have written on that forum already.  I got lots of advice on there also.  There are so many people out there suffering from (T).  How did you manage to live with this condition for so many years.  Do you take any meds and if so do they help ?

      Take care.

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    • Posted

      No I don't take any meds....not sure there are any meds for it. Yet.

      I have lived with it by not letting it take a hold of me. That is the only way to live with it. Once you are taught how to push it to the back of your mind, it becomes a whole lot easier. x

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    • Posted

      You need medication Shabina whatever it takes! I have Tinnitus as well as other issues and I look at them and see the positives and that slowly turns the negatives of everything into a positive you have to chnage your mindset you are not weak rather confused and scared normal been there ! learn to live healthy and how to use your way of thinking cognitively it will chnage you forever I promise!! 
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    • Posted

      Thank you, will try.  What kind of medication do you take for your Tinnitus.  I have been on anti-depressents but I am now off it.  I just take vitamins now like Zinc, Gingo Biloba and Magnesium but I don't see much of a difference.  Any suggestions ?
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