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Hi im a 18 yr old male and im really in need of some help
I first went to the doctor back in november 2013 and got diagnosed with depression, i was prescribed to 5mg fluorextine, i believe it was a mixture of situation depression and clinical, at the time my 3 year relationship with my girlfriend was over and she started to talk to other boys whilst she talked to me. Even though that got me down i will always be sure that wasnt 100% the reason i felt so sh*t everyday. She forced me to the doctors about this problem and i saw my gp a total of 3 times the last meeting on new years day 2014. Back then i use to self halm, i tried strangling myself, suffocating myself and the daily cutting myself. I managed to stop all that however it comes back rarely for example i tried to suffocate myself around 3 weeks ago. I never stopped being depressed really i only stopped going to my gp because i wasnt being forced to anymore and i lied to him saying i felt better when i didnt at all. Up until this day im still scared to go outside the house and struggle reallh badly to talk to people i dont know which makes my job hard when im forced to serve customers, i believe this is due to when i was 13 i was heavily bullied and wasnt believed by teachers at school, i was scared to go anywhere alone in school, after school and even at nights, the people would always wait for me in gang at the gates of my school, one day being with big wooden slabs. The teachers finally got involved and they was told to back off which they did for a week or so when i had to walk home and lead to me being followed and jumped twice and nobody helped me, after i got jumped the people played mind games daily until the police got involved, they would try and act like a good friend of mine when we both know they attacked me and i was scared of them after i moved on from that it was the school summer holidays about two months later and i was biking down the street and some adults who must of been around 4-5 years older than me shouted for me to get off my bike and go to them, i thought i was being mugged so i pedaled away as fast as i could and one of the adults ran after me saying when he gets me he would break my jaw, due to these two situations im scared of new surroundings and people i dont know which gets me down and scared. Im a few years older now at 18 and my a-level results lead to depression being hard on me not knowing whether i was gonna get into uni or not, i managed to get in but the feeling of not being able to change my fait had a bad affect on me, i then this september went off to university and my depression went to the worst its ever been due to being scared and in a new environment i didnt know i couldnt make friends, i would hide from my flat mate and cry all the time, i was scared of the real world and what was within it. Within a week indecided it was making me too ill and i couldnt fight it so i moved back home, my depression is still as bad as its ever been, ive started to get drunk every night whilst im crying just to forget and im just scared of whats gonna happen in the next day, until halloween this year only my ex who forced me to the gp knew about my depression, on halloween i go so drunk i gained the courage to tell my family which im glad about but i feel like i have to hide my feelings from them even more now because they dont know how to deal with it, i wanna go back to my gp but when i went to uni i registered with a gp there and now im too scared to re register with my old gp just because i find it hard to deal with people, i strongly feel i need to go back on to anti depressants but dont know the day i will fight to go and register...
And lastly i have no idea where my life is heading and to do for a career which is causing me depression and everyday im feeling worse and i dont know what i can do
I have no idea if it could be mixed to other illnesses such as bipolar or anxiety or anything, is that possible? Should i get tested for other things?
Im a very depressed and confused individual at the moment and for any help i thankyou so much it will be highly appreciated
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