Intermittent anxiety?

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So I've struggled with Anxiety in some form for years, since I was heavily bullied as a young teen due to being overweight. I fixed myself as best I could, lost weight and fitted in and the bullying stopped - but my anxiety has never fully gone away. I can go months where I feel fine, and then suddenly something goes wrong and it all comes crashing down again. This summer I felt on top of the world, a few weeks ago I felt unbeatable,then for some reason I decided I needed to lose more weight and suddenly I can't stop looking at myself in disgust and I'm convinced everyone else thinks it to - it happened over night,one day I'm fine the next day I'm not. I don't want to go out and see people, I am constantly panicing about what people think, I've triggered the familiar constant pressure in my head and I know I'm going to be stuck in a downward spiral until something crops up to bring me back up again. I'm sick of being like this, I'm sick of worrying, I'm sick of these down periods cropping up all of a sudden -and I 'm sick of the fact some stupid no good bullies from 10 years ago still managed to screw up my life. I thought as I got older they'd go away but it just doesn't seem to be the case and I don't know what to do about it. Sorry I guess this is a rant more than anything but I feel a bit lost and I was hoping someone somewhere might have some answers ... I've seen councellors in the past, they helped in the sense I felt better going and letting it out but they didn't fix anything ... 

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  • Posted

    Hi Sarah....i see from what you have said that this downward episode only started when you thought about losing weight again. has this triggered all you went through in the past and brought back all the bad memories?. Bullying is one of the lowest forms of cowardice. i alwys try and think that the people they hurt CAN and DO learn to live with what they had to go through and rise above it....where as the bullys will always remain sad cowards. although ive not experienced what you have ....can you focus on all the positives atm?....maybe leave trying to lose weight for a while. regain what all your good thoughts and feelings were until this started up again. the mind is a very complicted thing....and if you were so strong and positive to get to the GOOD place you were this summer....you can get back to that good place and kick all the thought of the past back there. i know its a cliche but dont let them win....even now.
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  • Posted

    you ask for answers......but YOU have them all.....you had them in the summer...get them back now. write down all the positive happenings now......ignore the negatives. i dont think anything can be 'fixed' especially the horrible thing you went through....so dont expect it to be.....its how we learn to live with it now,  try to not let it bother us and look to the future and positive.....although i know its easier said than done. there will always be someone on here to talk to. dont get lost.....get mad....dont let them take up any more of your time now...they did it in the past...its past. positive now smile
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  • Posted

    Hi Sarah 

    Iknow how you feel I was bullied and went to a school reunion 20 years later and still felt scared of one particular bully. I think thats the case for most people who have had this horrible experience.What changed this bad memory was realising that it doesnt  matter It no longer exists .The only time we have is this moment.The past does not exist nor does the future.I try hard to think only in this moment.Hope this helps x

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  • Posted

    Hi Sarah.

    It seems like your self esteem has taken quite a beating and your confidence is at a all time low. Your depression and anxiety has turned its focus on the one thing that worries you the most,your weight and appearance. I know exactly how you feel as when a episode hits me...,my focus is the same...all about how I look and how utterly disgusting I am.

    One thing I will tell you is that when I don't have depression/anxiety I dont think these things about myself...ok I don't think I'm anything special but I don't hate myself the way my anxious/depressed mind tells me I do.

    These are all thoughts of a tired,confused anxious mind and as you get control of your anxiety,the thoughts about yourself will diminish.

    Perhaps you would benefit from some sort if therapy...somebody to help you gain control of your thoughts and explain them to you..somebody to show you how to feel and think more positively about yourself.

    I tell myself wonderful things about myself each and every day....At first it seems false because your depressed/anxious mind has fooled you into thinking the worst about yourself but in time the more positive thoughts start to sink in.

    Nobody in this world is perfect Hun so you don't have to be either. If you have a good heart and a loving nature then you are already 100 times a better person than them bullies. 

     

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