Is he depressed?...

Posted , 3 users are following.

I really dont know what to do anymore.

3 years ago i met the most amazing man, he has very similar morals to me, wants the things i want and has so much to offer me.

ive never felt like this about anyone or felt like i wanted a family life with anyone like i do him...

Around a year into our relationship, he stopped showing me sexual attention and it ended up always being me who instigated sex...

i then caught him out in a lie that really hurt me, altho nothing as bad as cheating or anything...

I then found out i was pregnant and we werent in a place financially or in our relationship, both from broken homes and dont want that for our child so we decided to terminate.

well everything changed from there, i since found out he regretted the decision he made and was angry at himself for it.

our relationship spiraled from there, i started to have major sel esteem issues and his mood got lower and lower and he started saying he didnt know if he wasnt our relationship or if he was in love with me, altho he has always said he loves me just not sure he was in love.

in september, we had a small arguement, he had a panic attack and we decided to take a break...

once the period we had agreed on was over he said he needed to be alone so that he could sort out his mental state, that he has really struggled and felt pressured etc.

He then started asking for his stuff the end of october, then finally met me to collect them beginning of december and it was really nice, he seemed better, like he was still thinking there was possibly a future for us etc.

He lost his grandma and his mood has gone lower than before, he hates his job (which he had the whole time i have known him).

I still feel like there is something there for both of us, my gut is telling me he still has those kind of feelings for me but when i ask him, he says he doesnt know how he feels, doesnt know if he wants to spend time with me and is trying to get himself out of a really bad place.

i think he has depression and when i approached the subject this morning (i passed him on my walk to work), he got really teary and stormed off then followed up with a message saying he was sorry, that he didnt need to hear that when its all he thinks about.

is it depression?

has anyone come back from a break up like this because of depression?

i just cant seem to walk away knowing there is still hope, and ive started to feel like its starting to affect my mood which is already extremely low because of the breakup... HELP

1 like, 11 replies

Report

11 Replies

  • Posted

    hi cazza, this is a right mess! as if you don't have enough to cope with, how did you feel with a termination? be honest did he push you to do this? if he did then he has deeper issues than you think. whilst i don't agree with what you did as i am a staunch Catholic, i feel his attitude is far worse. it sounds like he is GUILTY for making you terminate your pregnancy, it's not his body! he does need help that is clear, but this is your problem why? let him sort himself out, sorry if i sound harsh but it's more about caring about yourself sometimes otherwise you can't help others. i wish you luck, maybe he'll come back better once he's got some support. you get some, you had got rid of your child surely that must hurt?

    Report Reply
    • Posted

      I do have alot to cope with but ive always been the person who cares for others first.

      He did have a much clearer view on the termination than i did however he did not push me into it, i made it very clear it was my body.

      i had alot of pain at the time due to a medical condition so it all factored in.

      Everyone is entitled to a view on it so i can respect you might not agree with the outcome.

      I do agree, i do think he has some guilt towards what we decided to do but because he didnt really want it and had to watch how it affected me.

      I have dealt with it, i talked alot to various professionals and my family at the time (this was last feb), he hasnt, he suppressed everything and didnt talk to anyone about it.

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      hi cazza, i am sorry but i now feel even more sorry for you! What was the health condition? Even after being raped twice i still couldn't abort but that's only my opinion, as it's deep routed in my family. For him - he needs even more help now that i have read more to definitely sort him self out, so he can cope. you need to finally help yourself and not others, as someone who has had years of depression and had to have counseling for years i remember 1 significant comment that i read that stuck firm in my head and that is this, i think it applies to you, the comment is: YOU can't serve or help others if you try from an empty vessel. i think it means you can't help others unless you help yourself 1st! Look after you then maybe you might be able to help others. i've had to learn to do this as i feel guilty for helping myself, like i imagine you probably do. good

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      i have stage 4 endometriosis which has been removed since september and touch wood, i havent had much pain since.

      it does still upset me a hell or a lot but i cant change it and i dont think the pain i feel from it will change either, just learn to cope but again, i think its just as hard and as painful for him.

      He is an extremely family orientated person and always said he didnt see himself ever doing something like that.

      I do agree, but i am defo in a better place than he is and part of my issues are because of how i feel about him and that i want to be there and support him and both of us get back to that happy relationship we were once in.

      i just cant figure out if his actions are because of depression

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      oh now i don't know what to say! that must have been hell to live with, i am glad you have finally been able to do something about it. i do partly understand after being raped touch was the last thing i wanted and because of this, children were the last thing on my mind, i have told my husband i would leave or kill myself to end this misery and his heartache as he comes from a big family too. i desperately want children and always did, but being assaulted warped my mind.i then only wanted children to make other people happy and now i can have none. i don't know whether you have children or not but when something unexpected happens it makes your reconsider everything. i just wish you luck. x

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      both of us have said 2019 was probably the worst year of our lives... its not been easy and my pain affected him just as much because he couldnt do anything to help!

      im sorry youve been through tour stuff, it must have been awful! Your husband sounds so supportive.

      i dont have children and i never wanted them before i met him tbh, but he has changed everything i wanted and i cant see me wanting it with anyone else

      its breaking me completely

      Report Reply
  • Posted

    I think your feelings of hope about this relationship are a symptom of the relationship coming to a final and permanent end. The mind protects itself from desperate feelings by providing this false sense of hope.

    And this person you've been involved with does not sound at all good for you. You deserve someone who can love you fully and trust me he's out there if you'll just be patient and not settle for an unhealthy relationship like the one you've been in.

    Report Reply
    • Posted

      its been 4 months since we split and honestly, my gut is just telling me theres still something.

      he wasnt like that before everything that happened though, he was amazing, loving, caring and wanted me to be happy.

      even now hes says sorry for being how he is, he seems so stuck in a rut with his life and its so upsetting to see

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      hi cazza, it sounds like you have a realistic understanding of the situation. i wish you luck for the future, with or without him.

      Report Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report as inappropriate

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up