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I am trembling inside my tummy, I feel neauseas and breathless , I am washed out with exhaustion and emotional trauma.
I wasnt like this yesterday , I am having difficulty keeping my body together so i can do what is required of me today.
I need to travel outside and across London on the underground to Euston Station so I can then put myself into a one hour Assessment so i can have access to a Legal Advocate , someone to prop me up finally through my living hell , a court trial where I am facing eviction that I cannot bare to think about.
I cant take my HIV drugs nor can I eat to sustain any real kind of energy and sleeping has become so difficult.
The noise of the traffic out there on the street, a crying child, another person speaking out loud on thier mobile , its killing me this anxiety slowly and painfully.
If I fall will that be ok?
If I fall and struggle to get back up on my own will this be seen as a weakness of character.
I keep telling myself failure is not an option but where does the all the enery thats required to see my court trial through to the truth and an ending , how can I make those last steps towards finding justice and the truth ?
My best and dearest freind has left for college and I am alone in my crisis again.
How can I visualize me getting through this day sane and able to breath without the physical support.
I feel under a dark thick cloud and I am struggling to see clearly .
Am i a failure or is this my head telling me lies again?
If I fall will someone please catch me and lift me back up so I can stand high on the mountain of life and begin to feel myself at ease and able top breath once more.
this is my ANXIETY ..Do I embrace it or do I reject how i am truly feeling in myself right now.
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