Is it allright if I fall again ?

Posted , 4 users are following.

I am trembling inside my tummy, I feel neauseas and breathless , I am washed out with exhaustion and emotional trauma.

I wasnt like this yesterday , I am having difficulty keeping my body together so i can do what is required of me today.

I need to travel outside and across London on the underground to Euston Station so I can then put myself into a one hour Assessment so i can have access to a Legal Advocate , someone to prop me up finally through my living hell , a court trial where I am facing eviction that I cannot bare to think about.

I cant take my HIV drugs nor can I eat to sustain any real kind of energy and sleeping has become so difficult.

The noise of the traffic out there on the street, a crying child, another person speaking out loud on thier mobile , its killing me this anxiety slowly and painfully.

If I fall will that be ok?

If I fall and struggle to get back up on my own will this  be seen as a weakness of character.

I keep telling myself failure is not an option but where does the all the enery thats required to see my court trial through to the truth and an ending , how can I make those last steps towards finding justice and the truth ?

My best and dearest freind has left for college and I am alone in my crisis again.

How can I visualize me getting through this day sane and able to breath without the physical support.

I feel under a dark thick cloud and I am struggling to see clearly .

Am i a failure or is this my head telling me lies again?

If I fall will someone please catch me and lift me back up so I can stand high on the mountain of life and begin to feel myself at ease and able top breath once more.

this is my ANXIETY ..Do I embrace it or do I reject how i am truly feeling in myself right now.


3 likes, 22 replies

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22 Replies

  • Posted

    You should alway accept who and what you are, and try to avoid at all times going into self-denial.

    Being alone when you have health issues and a pressing legal matter is not easy. 

    I feel that you have to accept that if you are ill (which you clearly are) then you are ill - but you are certainly not a failure.

    You have not chosen this path - it is something whereby you are the victim not the perpetrator.

    My feeling is that you definitely do need medical help, however each of us has a responsibilty of at least trying to look after ourselves - so you do need to eat, otherwise how do you expect to have the energy just continue with the mundain things in life, let alone make the journey across one of the largest cities in the world?

    You are going through a stressful time and you therefore do need to at least try and fortify yourself so that you can see this through.

    Don't allow yourself to be a victim - please fight back.

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  • Posted

    Thinking of you....can't do anything else but I do know that this will end for you....stop for a moment and take deep breath in and out and in and out....if really desperate you must ring your doctor or even Samaritans....please get some need not be alone.....every good wish.....
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  • Posted

    Ozzie how are you doing  ? Did you manage your appointment, we are all thinking of you 😉
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    • Posted

      not great , the anxiety attacks continue

      the mental health care is rubbish

      but i gained an advocate from the appointment i had then an abulance was called to get me to A=E.

      I am now in the safety of my home.

      still shaking and with pain all over my body.

      But rather be here than under the shocking useless mental health system that hasnt a clue

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    • Posted

      Oh dear I'm so sorry the system has let you down - I'm also sorry that you are in so much pain. You have been treated with disrespect by the sounds of things, I hope you find some peace in the fact that you have returned home where you feel safe and you can hopefully get some sleep after your traumatic day. You must feel let down and frustrated - try to take some deep breaths and calm yourself and let's hope that tomorrow is a better day for you, I pray for happier times for you in the future, one day at a time, little steps towards a better tomorrow friend - try to sleep you need to rest and gain strength , you CAN do it. God bless. 
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  • Posted

    Is everything ok Ozzie ? Hope you're allright.
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  • Posted

    hi pj i feel for you as i have said in the furum i have every symptom going with anxiety best to face it but hard people who havnt been through it dont understand all you get is pull yourself together i once sent for a book i found to be good it tell you to say come on do your best i can face you sounds stupid but good i used to keep saying bring it on and take long slow deep breaths it does help i hope you dont fall but if you do get up and laugh oh dear might do that again lol try to focus on something concentrate n different things as you are walking even telling yourself what it is your looking at anything to take you mind off the panic look ata shop window say to yourself thats nice and you are NOT a failure.the one thing you should not do is breath through your mouth makes anxiety worse you taking to much oxegen in breathe deap and slow through your nose you cant have a panic attack with your mouth closedit might seam hard to do but with practice it works you can also breath slow through nose count to 5 then slowly out and say relax had plenty of practice luv im a young 66 yr old woman with years of anxiety problems

    take care wish you all the best x

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  • Posted

    what makes me so mad is i used to be the life and sole of the party im a gemini so rearly out going laughing all the time clubing up to being 50 yrs old the the anxiety truck and brought on the ibs now dont go out just stuggle along hoping for a good day and a good nights sleep but not giving in it has taken a lot of years from me so going to get myself together again im sat here now typing doing my breathing it helps mr not take those deap breaths through my mouth i think you will get through this ordeal

    mary x

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    • Posted

      Thanks for you sharing with me.

      I am sat here after being woken up from my sleep with the Pysc who assessed me last week to see if i qualify for a Social Worker , she told me that she feels i suffer from a persoanlity that coninues to get myself into conflicts all the time.

      And for this reason will not allocate me a social worker .

      I am shaking inside and feel so let down and am shaking all over.

      I feel like this country has gne to pot when it comes to those who ask for help.

      Its funny because the other psycs that have seen me have never metioned this i believe its her opinion and that she ignores my real issues of mental health today.


      I am starting to think i cannot win my battle here

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