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Ive posted something similar before in depression but probably it wasn't the correct place
I have a weak personality, low self esteem and no confident and I'm stupid. for now I feel like interacting with some people generates my “I hate myself” feeling. I hate how weak and stupid I am. to my friends I’m pretty sure I seem that sweet, kind, and dorky person who goofs around a lot cuz this is what I show, I always pretend I don't know and I don't know why but I wish I’d stop
Im starting to realise I'm the one causing my self frustration..I have this huge fear of people judgment and what they will think/say about me. I cant be myself nor I know what is myself..I feel so stupid and a whole embarrassment.I feel everyone hates me,and I hate everyone. I think negatively about them,I always say to myself that I want to be alone or I'm better off alone but when I'm really alone I feel pathetic , and the people passing me sees me pathetic too and I get this feeling that every one is looking at me, gossiping me… when I'm speaking with people I'm comfortable with and I noticed someone near us looking at me after saying particular thing i cling my teeth thinking whether what I said was stupid
today my sister’s friend texted me saying she wants to pay her a surprise visit, that just stressed me out so much to the point I’d cry..stressed about what if this whole surprise thing failed ? its gonna be my fault and this actually happened before when other friends wanted to surprise her for her birthday I was stressed for a week and I thought its not gonna happen again but here I go, and I’ve got exams coming up next week.I really don't like interacting with her friends
I hate why I'm like this, I don't want to care about what others will think about me..I don't want to be weak..when you talk to people about this, they may see you dramatic and extreme and get fed up with you..but really this is something I cant help..I thought this may be social anxiety “I could be wrong” but Im buying cognitive behavioural therapy books , if you may recommend some books too I’d be very thankful and thank you, the story about my sister’s friend got me so much that I wanted to talk about, sorry if this post seems odd and not connected together I had all the things in my head but couldn't get it written.
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