Is it time to give up
Posted , 8 users are following.
Hi everyone,
I hope everybody is well.
Im writing because i feel im at the end of the road..and the only choice i have is perhaps a road that would hurt alot of people around me
4 years ago i had a breakdown, prior to that i was holding everything together saving money and pishing through my career. The anxiety came and for about 4 months I was a mess, didnt eat wash or do anything. I met a guy i really liked and the anxiety destroyed it .. i was basically depressed. I even lost contacts that i had worked hard to build up
since then my anixety has made it difficult for most things. i struggled at work and in relationships i couldnt shake it
in a final bid to put my life back in order perhaps even and maybe stupidly start afresh, i decided to move abroad
the first week was fine, then i started a little minimum wage job to bring some money in.. the manager is abusive and horrible (and thats me putting it lightly so please no "oh managers are always like that") anyway it sytarted a downward spiral, i stopped eating smoked loads and generally lost the plot.
I dont know how to think anymore, i dont know my reason to be alive i just dont know. I know it was my choice to move, i knew it would be hard at first but i feel empty, i feel punished i feel a massive how dumb are you for moving. the future looks bleak as Ive signed a 9 month flat lease to stay here (worried i cant get out of it).
I ust want purpose to feel through everything i had been through perhaps this was my chance to feel "yes finally your suppose to be here, this is what your supppose to be doing"
theres jsut been alot in my life, mother that doesnt understand me and was horrible to me as a child, a father whoe raped my sister who i can no longer speak to again, and a career that started off well only to be ripped away due to my illness
i dont know who i am, why im here.. i even stupidly picked up a fortune cookie on the floor which said "may god hold you in his hands" that made me feel oh maybe his is gods plan.. how stupid is that?
i dont think like others, i dont act like others i cant be happy for some reason.. i dont know what to do im at the end of the road and i hate myself too much to carry on.. i dont see a light at the end of the tunnel
31, doing a minimum wage job in another country.. no husband or kids i'm losti dont want to go home a failure i dont even think theres much for me there
what do you do when you know your not suppose to be part of this world?
0 likes, 13 replies
charlotte82605 kelly45731
Posted
Hi Kelly!
Firstly, no it is absolutely not time to give up! The only true failure is when you stop trying - remember that. As long as you keep trying to improve then there is hope that your life will end up exactly how you want it, but if you give up then all hope is gone.
You are not a failure. You don't need a husband or kids to be successful and you know that there are people around you who care about you.
Turn your misfortunes and 'mistakes' into life lessons. You now know that maybe moving abroad wasn't what you wanted or needed, so maybe now it will be easier to figure out what you do want? Definitely try to find a different job though, working with a toxic manager is not going to do your anxiety any favours! (speaking from experience here).
You can build your career back up, you can move back home, you can find the right guy - you can do anything you want to but not if you give up! There's always time and the opportunity to start afresh and put all this behind you.
You are supposed to be part of this world and the world would be a much bleaker place without your kind soul in it.
charlotte82605
Posted
Also please see a Doctor if you are really struggling as they can help you
kelly45731 charlotte82605
Posted
i feel trapped in leaving because i signed a 9 month contract.. and honestly i feel a failure going home.. i just eanted this to work i dunnoi was just trying to make things better
james_73138 kelly45731
Posted
One of the first things you said was "it would hurt a lot of people." Which means...PEOPLE LOVE YOU!!!
And as far as the cookie. It meant something to you. No, it isn't stupid. I believe God was speaking to you. This IS part of His plan. Trust me, I know it's hard to see His plan.
Many of us, if not most of us can relate to you and your horrible anxiety issues. I missed work for 2 MONTHS due to my nervous breakdown. I literally was on the floor on my butt, rocking back and forth holding my knees, crazy as s**t...LOL. It wasn't funny, but I can laugh now. What else?
Honestly, what I read about what you are going thru, sounds like a walk in the park, compared to what I went thru. Not to offend or make light of your situation. I'm sure you are suffering.
Oh, and I'm not part of this world either.
My hope is in Christ and His kingdom!
Put your there to!
your friend
Ryan(James)
james_73138
Posted
yes....find a doctor....get on a Med. Even if temporarily. It helped me, it will help you!
kelly45731 james_73138
Posted
i appreciate your response but if it was a walk in the park do you honestly think i would be here feeling this way.. thanks for making me feel worse
nigel45109 kelly45731
Posted
hello, ive always had similar anxiety issues, meant i found it difficult being focussed in life, and has held me back in jobs. lots of ability, but find it difficult to hold it all together. sounds like youve gone past anxiety into depression.
you need an anti depressant first off. it will help to stabalise you, allow you to put things back into perspective and as a minimum, will allow you to function better in your current circumstances, and see them in a more positive frame of mind.
you cant jump from where you are currently, to where you want or think you should be, its too big a step at the moment.
see a doctor, get a med, you will function better, and allow you to accept where you are now. once you can do that, the panic dissapears, you relax, and you will be able to see and follow a more positive direction.
hope some of this helps.
Jay84 kelly45731
Posted
Hi Kelly
Please please do not give up hope that you can move from where you are now to a much happier place. Not being here anymore will not make the pain or sadness you feel vanish- it simply becomes someone else's pain to carry around. Take one day at a time if thats what you need to do - just work on getting through tomorrow and then the day after and so on. This is want i did when my anxiety was at its peak and it felt like i would struggle with panic forever. Just know that with the right support and some work from you these feelings will pass and you will find your happy place. It may not lie in this recent job you got or move that you made but you will find it.
Please speak to your Dr or try to access some therapy sessions. Also keep reading things on here - you will find stories of people still struggling with the anxiety/depression but you will also find stories of people who have been able to move through it. Take comfort from these stories, that you are not alone in how you feel and take hope that things can get better for you!!
ann55375 kelly45731
Posted
can you see most of these replies tell you to speak to dr about all this, they can help and you will be the better of it.
ann55375 kelly45731
Posted
can you see most of these replies tell you to speak to dr about all this, they can help and you will be the better of it.
ann55375 kelly45731
Posted
can you see most of these replies tell you to speak to dr about all this, they can help and you will be the better of it.
ann55375 kelly45731
Posted
can you see most of these replies tell you to speak to dr about all this, they can help and you will be the better of it.
emilyanne22 kelly45731
Posted
Hi Kelly,
Let me first off start by saying, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. What you have described sounds pretty awful to me...and stressful. I have a friend who just moved to the U.S. and is having to get adjusted to living in a different place minus her friends and family back home. It's very lonely sometimes for her, but it takes time to find new friends. We don't live in the same city, but she does text me often. I'm just curious if you might have such a friend or family member back home that you can lean on a extra but for a while? Groups like this are great too. I actually met my friend online through a video game before meeting her in person a few years back. I hope you will continue to reach out to us on here if needed, and I'm glad you did to begin with. That's a horrible place to be emotionally. I don't feel like there are any simple answers or quick fixes here. ..just that we are there for you. Please do not consider yourself a failure if you decide to return home after all. You know who are failures? People who don't try. I'm too scared to even move to a different city than the one my friends and family live in. YOU ARE BRAVE, my dear. Truly! Anyway this has gotten super long. I just hope you will reach out again if you are feeling at the end of your rope with everything. I will listen. Take care and I hope you will have a better day today.