Is it who I am?

Posted , 3 users are following.

Diagnosed as clinically depressed twenty years ago.  I've had counselling twice, been under psychiatric care, on and off medication, and yet when you think you've finally come to the end of the tunnel, it strikes again.  Why???

Back on meds, but still feeling so low.  Fed up with being this way.  Answers??  It must be a fundermental part of me yes?  I try to be positive.  To the outside world I'm happy and carefree, but in reality I'm the opposite.

 

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Deaver. I will try hard to say something helpful and understanding so please forgive me if I fail and say something which hurts. It is not intentional and it is not personal. I just wanted to say that it must be very difficult to be you but please try to remember that

    there are other things to you. You are not just a depressed person, you are also perhaps a mother or wife or husband or father or brother or cousin or employee or friend or neighbour or gardener or amateur photographer and a whole host of things.

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    • Posted

      You are right I am a variety of those, and I try to shut my depression out when I am around others but sometimes I can't.  When I am alone it's worse but even while with others I can be 'alone' if you know what I mean.  I try positive thinking but it still returns to bring me down in the end. 
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  • Posted

    Sound very much like me. I reckon it is some sort genetic make up.

    How often do you have episodes?

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    • Posted

      They vary in time lengths but if I am honest I am only free of them for the most, probably a month.  The start of this year I finally gave in and went back to my GP as they were all the time and I had started feeling suicidal again.  Instantly back on pills but all they seem to do is make me tired (yet I struggle staying asleep).  A miracle cure would be great but I'm realistic, I just want to Know if I'm always going to suffer with this and if so how to control it.  I've become aware of when it starts to take hold, but I find it so hard asking for help.  That's one reason I thought I'd try this....talk it through anonymously.

      How do you manage to cope?

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  • Posted

    Hi deaver, it isn't often that I can say to someone that I know exactly what they are going through but in your case I can? I was diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago and everyday I woke was a struggle to get through and when time for bed again I dreaded the thought of sleep knowing that I woukd wake up and once again feel the sane despair as I did the day before. I know what it's like to see the light at the end of the tunnel only to see it turn into a blurr and then deminish all together and the depression comes back with a vengeance, however hun, I,m here now to tell you that although it's a struggle and sometimes you get to think you,'ll be stuck in that rut forever the light at the end of the tunnel becomes visible again and eventually you find it hasn't blurred or deminished and instead got brighter and nearer until the arrives (which it will) and you pass the threshold and when that happens it's the depression itself what starts to blurr and get fuzzy until eventual the depression itself deminishes and then you find your feet again and life becomes bearable once more and a joy to behold, so you hang in there, be strong, you will get through this, it's hard but it's worth it. So glad you found this site , it helped and still helps me and I,m sure it will help you.
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