Is my anxiety/depression ruining my feelings for my partner?

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right so bit of background information. 2 months ago, i had panic attacks and was suffering from anxiety related to university problems. it stopped me from going out because i kept thinking it would happen again. over the course of two months i lost interest in everything. i hated going out, playing rugby, going to uni and would only feel safe staying in bed. the one night we went out and my partner got drunk and i felt agitated and we argued and he hurt me (emotionally) i went home for the weekend and when i seen him the following monday i was still hurt and looked at him thinking 'i dont love you anymore' complete shock to me this was. it made me physcially ill. i couldnt eat, sleep and all i did was cry. my partner knows everything and has been kept in the loop. hes very supportive of me and is willing for this to work. i then had suicidal thoughts so went to the gp and got put in medication. fast forward 2 weeks and had an increased thought of suicidal thoughts so got put on something else. been a week and i still cant feel anything and now i keep thinking that i don't want to be with partner and im so scared because 3 weeks ago i didnt feel like this. i'm physically and emotionally exhausted and its all i can think about 24/7. we had such a loving relationship and im so willing to work to get it back to where it was, but the constant intrusive thoughts seem to be convincing me. i hate it, i really dont want to feel this way at all. ive lost sexual interest and im too scared to have sex incase i dont want to do it with him. when i think about our future it literally gives me chest pains because i cant even see a future for myself anymore let alone everything ive dreamed of with him. i just want it to feel good again and not have these thoughts and feelings because i love him so much its unreal and its hurting me. is this the anxiety and depression or is it my true feelings because i know i want to be with him but something is telling me that i dont. i also want to add that when i speak to him, i calm down quite alot however, when i seen him last, i couldnt stop shaking and was crying

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  • Posted

    Hi elin27756

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    If you are based outside of the UK.

    The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.

    Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

    Patient

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  • Posted

    A very good question. Are your feelings of not wanting to be with your partner authentic feelings that you should take heed of and be guided by. Or are those negative feelings the result of your severe depression.

    Another question is: will your partner turn out to be a chronic 'hurtful' person or was the one incident an isolated one.

    My guess is that, because you have also been suicidal, this impulse to end the relationship might also be suicidal ideation.

    I'm not sure that this is the time for you to be making any big decisions because you are very emotionally overwrought.

    Unfortunately that emotionally numb sensation is a side effect of antidepressants.

    Are you in therapy? This is crucial for someone like yourself.

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    • Posted

      thank you so much for responding to this. i dont want them to be authentic because we were so happy and were not prone to having arguments, i think that was the biggest argument that weve had . the anxiety and depression had been happening for like a month before i believe. and i'm having counselling but because its been christmas i have to wait until next week to go back

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  • Posted

    I think it's clear then that you need to stay in this relationship. If there are any decisions about this or anything else for that matter that need to be made those will become clear to you as time goes on.

    I sense that you're experiencing a somewhat blurred image of yourself and your life at this time. I think that will pass. Not the time for big decisions though !

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