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right so bit of background information. 2 months ago, i had panic attacks and was suffering from anxiety related to university problems. it stopped me from going out because i kept thinking it would happen again. over the course of two months i lost interest in everything. i hated going out, playing rugby, going to uni and would only feel safe staying in bed. the one night we went out and my partner got drunk and i felt agitated and we argued and he hurt me (emotionally) i went home for the weekend and when i seen him the following monday i was still hurt and looked at him thinking 'i dont love you anymore' complete shock to me this was. it made me physcially ill. i couldnt eat, sleep and all i did was cry. my partner knows everything and has been kept in the loop. hes very supportive of me and is willing for this to work. i then had suicidal thoughts so went to the gp and got put in medication. fast forward 2 weeks and had an increased thought of suicidal thoughts so got put on something else. been a week and i still cant feel anything and now i keep thinking that i don't want to be with partner and im so scared because 3 weeks ago i didnt feel like this. i'm physically and emotionally exhausted and its all i can think about 24/7. we had such a loving relationship and im so willing to work to get it back to where it was, but the constant intrusive thoughts seem to be convincing me. i hate it, i really dont want to feel this way at all. ive lost sexual interest and im too scared to have sex incase i dont want to do it with him. when i think about our future it literally gives me chest pains because i cant even see a future for myself anymore let alone everything ive dreamed of with him. i just want it to feel good again and not have these thoughts and feelings because i love him so much its unreal and its hurting me. is this the anxiety and depression or is it my true feelings because i know i want to be with him but something is telling me that i dont. i also want to add that when i speak to him, i calm down quite alot however, when i seen him last, i couldnt stop shaking and was crying
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