Is my husband getting fed up with my ailments?

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I HAVE BEEN IN PERI FOR THREE AND A HALF YEARS AND IM 51 . I WAS ALWAYS A VERY HEALTHY PERSON AND THEN MY MUM DIED AND ALL MY PERI SYMPTOMS STARTED. SINCE THE NEW YEAR BEGAN IVE HAD A NASTY BUG AND HAVE BEEN FEELING REALLY POORLY , STILL NOT RIGHT . I KNOW I DO WORRY SO MUCH WHEN IM ILL AND MAYBE IT IS WEARING , HEALTH ANXIETY AND ALL THAT . WEVE HAD A CONVERSATION THIS MORNING THAT HASNT HELPED MY MOOD . HE WAS TELLING ME ABOUT A WOMAN AT WORK THAT IS LATE FIFTIES AND HOW SHE ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING WRONG . HE THEN ADDED THAT I SHOULD GO AND CHAT WITH HER AND WE COULD COMPARE SYMPTOMS . IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL THAT HE THINKS IM AS BAD AS HER . I REALLY CANT HELP BEING LIKE THIS AND THIS MAKES ME THINK THAT MAYBE HE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME . I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW HOW I WOULD MANAGE , BUT MAYBE IT WOULD BE BEST FOR BOTH OF US . I AM 3 YEARS OLDER THEN HIM . HAS ANYONE ELSE HAD ISSUES LIKE THIS ?

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello Jane,

    Sorry to hear your feeling down and not well. I've experienced the same thing whether it be with my husband or friends thinking I'm making up ailments. They don't understand what I've gone through. I've learned to accept that they don't understand and keep my sharing of symptoms or concerns to a minimum. I have said to my husband "You're not in my body so you don't know what I'm experiencing/feeling"

    I think a lot of us feel the other person would be better off without us when we are not well and going through a lot of physical problems. I don't believe that's true. You would be there for him if he wasn't well. Peri eventually will end and you'll be more stable. You're already 51 so it can't last that much longer! I'm 52 and getting near the end of this long, drawn out Peri - mine started at 45 and it's been a roller coaster ride from hell along with being diagnosed with MS.

    I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your mum. That's tough on it's own let alone going through Peri!

    It will all work out! Hang in there!

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  • Posted

    I have Fibro and had a medical induced menopause in June this year, therefore i went straight into a menopause over night and have had severe symptoms. I icannot have hrt because my mum had breast cancer at 45. Ifeel i am always moaning but it doesnt matter because in a house full of men no one listens!. my husband has had a severe cold bug this week, he wont go to bed, says i dont care etc but ive been waiting on him hand and foot. My advice is to stop worrying about him, do what you can for yourself and if you have a good friend/s have a coffee

    once or twice a week and moan with them , they are far more understanding.

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  • Posted

    No but your husband's not being very helpful to you is he to be lost your mother for God's sake how can he be so insensitive ask hi. How he would feel? You need some TLC from your husband tell hi. How it's made you feel and remind him how men are the lucky ones that don't get the crap we have to put up with

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  • Posted

    I'm 6 years older than my husband. I'm 56 soon to turn 57 and have been experiencing menopausal symptoms since 48. The worst hit me 3 years ago when vertigo and balance problems started. I too feel awful most of the time and my husband no longer wants to hear about any of it. It's scary at times when the anxiety gets too crazy and the mood swings won't stop, and it would just be nice to have a simple hug or someone to talk to. It's a bit of a lonely journey. I've recently joined yoga a week ago and so far it's making me feel a little better. I'll do whatever it takes to try and feel better. HUGS to you!

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  • Posted

    I HAD A CHAT WITH MY HUSBAND THIS EVENING AND HE SAID THAT HE DIDNT MEAN TO UPSET ME , BUT THAT I AM REALLY A HYPOCONDRIAC , EVEN THOUGH I AM CURRENTLY SUFFERING FROM FLU . HE ADDED THAT IVE GOT TO SORT OUT WHATS GOING ON IN MY HEAD AND THAT IF HE WAS AS UNDERSTANDING AS HE IS WE PROBABLY WOULDNT STILL BE TOGETHER . HE SAID THAT MANY MEN WOULD HAVE FINISHED WITH THEIR OTHER HALF BY NOW , BUT THAT HES STILL WITH ME . WHAT DO I MAKE OF ALL OF THIS ? I FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT AT THE MOMENT ANYWAY AND HAVE BEEN ILL FOR OVER A WEEK AND A HALF . ALL I WANT TO DO IS CRY . NOW I DONT WANT TO SHARE ANYMORE HEALTH WORRIES IF HE THINKS I SHOULD JUST GET OVER IT . I REALLY AM TRYING MY BEST , BUT I THINK IM JUST A BURDEN

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    • Posted

      How insensitive is your husband I hope he gets man flu is he does tell him to stop being a girl and most women would get rid of him ! If I was you I would join a group or yoga classes or something on your own a way from your heartless husband and don't tell him Anything about what's goes on there!

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    • Posted

      YES GILLIAN I KNOW .THIS HAS REALLY UPSET ME , ITS BAD ENOUGH WITH ALL THESE OTHER THINGS GOING ON . NOW I FEEL LIKE I CANT SHARE ANYTHING WHEN IM FEELING LOW AND NEED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON . I SHALL KEEP EVERYTHING TO MYSELF AND PUT UP WITH IT HOWEVER BAD I AM .

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  • Posted

    Hi Jane,

    Have you considered getting some lab work done and checking into hormone replacement? You are right at the age where women head into menopause and typically have all kinds of not so good things happen mentally and physically to them. I went 10 years in peri and when periods ended for me at 55 is when things got worse! I got my blood work done and got on bio identical hormones pretty quick. Made a huge difference in my whole outlook. Gave me my life back. Men generally don't understand. They can't imagine what happened to the wife they use to have. They want her back too. Men go through their own menopause as their testosterone levels drop and they get more crumpy, couch bound and don't want to do much but sleep and watch tv. They need hormone replacement too. My husband and I are both on pellets now. It has brought our life back and most likely saved our marriage. I can give you more info on how I started and finding the right doctor if your interested. Good luck!

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  • Posted

    Hi, I know how you feel to as my partner doesnt get it either. I went through an awful time last year and he wasnt very helpful at all he said he didnt recognize me any more, on good days hes more understanding so I just think hes terrible in a crisis doesnt no how to handle things when Im not my usual happy self so clams up and burys his head in the sand. At the moment I swing in roundabouts my anxiety isnt as bad as last year as I was going through a few stressful situations and they brought on my anxiety disorder mixed with peri but its made me feel scared for the future with him as I feel he didnt support me when it really counted. It doesnt help that he has recently put a pic of me from years ago b4 all this peri stuff as his wallpaper on his phone like its to remind him of the old me but I miss her to ☹️ I tryed printing out as much info as possible and making him read it all but it doesnt help that his mum has been meno since he was younger and he says shes hypochondriac and was horrible to him and has no sympathy for her watsoever so if dont understand his mum hows he gonna understand me.

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  • Posted

    Hi Jane, Having health anxiety at this time is not all that unusual, our bodies are constantly changing new symptoms happen and some symptoms if you google them they tell you to rush to the doctor and have you fearing the worst. We can almost make ourselves stressed right out over our health. I lost my mom when I was 35, she had breast cancer. When you lose someone so close and influencial in your life, it makes you look at your own mortality, especially as we get older. Here is what helped me. After going to the doctors and having tests to rule out anything, once you get the clear....stop googling! Also anytime your mind starts to have you going down that emotional worry train, put your focus on something else......is there anything you take interest in? Take a course there are great online courses.....even volunteering somewhere, animal shelters,nursing homes, helping others really takes the focus off ourselves. In saying that make a day for yourself, have a spa day, go for a walk.......live in your mothers honor, she would not want you unhappy and living in constant worry.....embrace this time in our lives, the good the bad and know our bodies are adjusting to text phase. STRESS makes everything feel so much worse, so be kind to yourself.

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