Is my wife depressed - she left with 4 day old baby - need help

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Hi, i am in search of help and advice. I am worried my wife is depressed and it is going to cost us everything.

Me and my wife have been together for 10 happy years and married for 18 months and tried for a baby for 8 years without success. We went through ivf failures and all other treatments together and were eventually told that we may aswel give up and move on with our lives. Infact all but one doctor who was dealing with us encouraged her to have a historectomy to stop the pain caused by endometriosis. In april 2014 we discovered that we had been blessed with a complete miracle and we were pregnant naturally. She fell pregnant in february and things changed immediatley.

She was about 10 days pregnant when she went out with friends on a work do. Two days later she told me she wasn't happy and listed all of my faults (most of which i couldn't argue with and was glad she'd told me) , nothing serious just not pulling my weight around the house etc.

I found out since that she had shared 57 text messages with a male colleague that night between 1:30 am & 3:30 am. For want of a better description this man is a sex pest and always tries it on with all the women. This was so out of character for her as she has always been the most honest and loyal person i know who bats men like this away even if she's had a drink.

On the day she told me she wasn't happy i noticed she had become friends with a man on facebook but thought nothing of it. This turned out to be an ex boyfriend from when she was 14.

As the pregnancy went on things got worse and she regularly insulted me and made hurtfull comments. I found out in august that they had been having an online affair and in the october started calling and texting each other every day. When i would find out more things she would lie - infact going from the most honest person i knew into the best lyer i had ever met.

All along i held off making a massive deal about this as i knew it wasnt like her and hoped when the baby arrived she would snap out of it. I won't lie it nearly drove me to breaking point bottling it all up but i kept it to myself as it would have made her look awful - i found out since that her mom, sister and handfull of friends knew. She had told everyone else she knew that i was paranoid and ruining the pregnancy just because she'd sent a couple of facebook messages to an old school friend.

My wife went into labour on the friday and i had to leave the hospital at 9. The following morning i found out that she had messaged this man 20 times that night and i had only received 1 reply.

The birth of my healthy baby boy turned out to be the worst day of my life that i spent dreading him looking like another man. All during the birth she was vile, she would barely acknowledge i was there and when i had to leave i went to give her a hug and kiss goodbye to which she turned her face away.

My son was brought home on the monday evening and on the wednesday morning i returned from walking the dog to find she had gone with my baby boy to her moms. Since she has been gone she has been lying about me to make me sound like a controlling, paranoid, agressive (only lost my temper once during all of this and i ran out of the room because i would never show agression in front of my wife). She has cut me off from her family and friends and created a web of lies in which everyone is telling her she has done the right thing. She refuses to speak to anyone who knows the full story.

I am terrified that she is suffering from a deep depression as she has had a very difficult 8 years with no let up in problems. The main 2 being losing her dad to alzeimers in sept 2013 after a long illness and finding out an ex boyfriend was killed in afganistan. They only ended due to a long distance relationship fizzling out but when she found out watching tv she never even flinched and bottled it up. It was only years layer i found out they were an item for 4 years.

The thing that worries me most is that she doesn't see any harm in what she's done and can't see why i am upset and worried. She claims that she is doing this for our son which is obsurd.

We have always been so close and in love and i can't remember us even having an argument let alone seperating. We were so close to having everything and she has rejected it. She was utterly miserable during entire pregnancy and would just change subject if brought up and any gifts brought throughout pregnacy were rejected also without even a thank you.

One day when we were alone i asked if she was depressed and she welled up and nearly cracked and was upset for 2 days. Something which she now denies ever happened.

I just don't know what to do and it is affecting my mental state now. I just want my wife and son home so we can be the little family we always dreamed of. Please help.

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    Hi folks. Things haven't improved and just went down hill from last time i posted. My wife filed for divorce at the end of march - 3 and a half months after leaving with our baby and hasn't even considered even talking about saving the marriage. She has completly cut off from all reality and wont acknowledge that she has done anything remotely wrong at all. I have accepted the divorce as i really cannot take anymore lies and decete which have continued throughout even down to pointless tiny lies. I see my son as much as possible and that my shifts permit which is great but im not in a very good place. I don't want to blart on about depression but i am so scared that i am sinking in to it and i have to be strong for my boy. The bouts are coming thicker and faster and i'm frightened they will stick. I am scared to see a doctor as i worry any medication may reflect badly in court if ever she was to deprive me of seeing my son. I am living on a knife edge terrified that there is something big coming my way - either her getting with the man involved (which the thought of him ever laying eyes on my son horrifies me and leaves me scared of the consiquences) or her losing her head completley and dissapearing. I dont really know why i am posting as i am seeing my boy and thats all that matters but i am so so scared and lonely. Hope ur all well
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    • Posted

      Hello Adam, I am very sorry about the impending divorce. You tried your best to save the marriage and now it's your turn to think about yourself. Visit your GP and explain how you are feeling. You may want to consider counselling to get your feelings out. Counselling is confidential and non judgemental. You have bottled up your feelings for too long. Nobody needs to know about this. I hope you continue to see you son and that you have a special relationship with him. All the best for the future. Please keep with the forum as people here will continue to support you.

      Elizabeth.

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