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Is there any point?

Posted , 9 users are following.

jake12070
jake12070

The past month i have been doing well with the odd slip up with self harm but nothing major and have been feeling like i have a chance to beat this but i was alone last christmas and promised myself i wouldn't end up like that again and its happened again this year, my mum made plans without me and my step dad kicked me out of his house about a month ago because he couldn't deal with me being in my room feeling low all the time.

I was alone on christmas day and boxing day just laying in bed upset all day, the one day of the year that i just wanted to forget as i knew what was going to happen, i just hope next year isn't as bad as this because i don't know how much more i can take, im back to square one barely even moving out of bed sad

Im 20 years old and back to wishing there was an easy way out, i had built myself up to go to the doctors aswell which took weeks but was unable to go and now whats happened with christmas has just destroyed all of my motivation again! sad

I don't have any friends or family anymore, only people i speak to are people i have met on here who have been amazing but one day ill have to question what exactly it is im fighting for anymore.

3 likes, 37 replies

37 Replies

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  • michael_37726
    michael_37726 jake12070

    Posted

    Hi jake

    What you are fighting is the same thing we are all fighting and sometimes it feel like a losing battle. I know how hard it can be finding the courage to go to the doctors but I always find that once I have gone there I always feel better afterwards. It's all to easy to lose hope and give up but the problem is when we give up its a downward spiral and we go so far down that it seems impossible to get back up again 

    • jake12070
      jake12070 michael_37726

      Posted

      Hi Micheal.

      I know what you mean, i had tried so hard and built myself up for the doctors but i knew if i ended up being alone on christmas, just being reminded of how little i have anymore on a day thats meant to be with a family i don't have. Im just venting now, my way of dealing with this when i don't have anyone to talk to but im tired of trying at the minute, just want this dreadful year to end!

      Thanks for replying.

    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jake12070

      Posted

      If you can't find the courage to go to the doctors you could phone them and ask to speak to the duty doctor that what I do when I can't face going there then all I have to do is go to the reception and pick up a precription. And this year is nearly over now thank God as I have had the year from hell myself, so new year new start for me 
    • jake12070
      jake12070 michael_37726

      Posted

      Not sure what im going to do at the minute, just going to let this year end before i do anything, back to barely moving out of bed again, hope 2015 brings better times for the both of us.
    • krollette66
      krollette66 jake12070

      Posted

      Hi Jake,

      I am sorry your struggling without any sort of support.

      You deserve to be happy as much as anyone else.

      People here will support you and help you along. 

      There are organisations offline too who can signpost you to one on one help and encouragement.

      Half the battle with depression is asking for help so Well done you !

      Jo

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 jake12070

    Posted

    Dear Jake and Michael, reading your posts make me feel so sad, I am so sorry that you feel you have no one... please will you both go and see your GP and ask for help, you have to try to build yourselves up.... have you no family or friends that you can turn to, it must be terrible to be so lonely.. .. even if you are not religious there are some VERY good church youth clubs you can join for company , you both.need friends and support... please also ask your GP if they are aware of any friendship groups for sufferers of depression,. I truly wish you both the very best, take care ,you will be in my thoughts
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Thanks Deirdre 

      I'm ok I don't need to go to the docs I was just giving jake some advice and using my passed experiences to help him. My withdrawal symptoms are subsiding now so that good it's just the anxiety that's bad still but I can cope with that its nothing compared to how I have been feeling recently 

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 jake12070

    Posted

    Dear Jake and Michael, I have four children, one daughter and three adult sons .... 34yrs .....twins ...32yrs old, my three sons live at home with myself and my husband, all three have mental health problems.... I am a recovering alcoholic and my daughter was a self harmer .. so I understand just how difficult life can be....

    Can I adopt you both? Bless you, I want to give you both great big hugs, please do go to see your GP for help, you should be having an amazing life,, ( sadly, it does not always work out that way ).. keep posting on here for support, and I truly, truly hope that the coming year will give you both a happier and fulfilling life. In my thoughts both, take good care of yourselves... regards, Deirdre xx

  • Dondons3
    Dondons3 jake12070

    Posted

    You're fighting for you jake and you're definitely worth fighting for! you're a kind, caring and lovely young man who deserves to be happy. I'm so sorry that you've had a horrible Christmas, I wouldn't wish being alone at Christmas on anyone and I know how tough it was for you but you've gotten through it, you're stronger than you realise! Make this new year a new start for you, pick yourself up and start afresh, you can and will beat this, you're still so young and have so much to look forward to in life! 

    you may have lost a few battles but you can still win the war! XXXX 

    • jake12070
      jake12070 Dondons3

      Posted

      I don't want to fight me for i have had enough sad

      Im not strong i spent the whole day in bed upset wondering what exactly i have done wrong in my life to keep deserving all of this, can't even fight my own thoughts let alone win any war :'( x

    • eli_bird
      eli_bird jake12070

      Posted

      Come on Jake we are all here to help you smile we will all support you if you give up the only way is down so it really isnt an option 
    • Dondons3
      Dondons3 jake12070

      Posted

      I know it's hard and I know it hurts but you will get better and I'll always be here to help you! Xx
    • jake12070
      jake12070 eli_bird

      Posted

      I don't know what to do with myself, just sat in bed as always, upset and staring at the wall sad 

      Just want these thoughts to stop, i knew if i was alone at christmas it would do this and im back to square one sad

    • eli_bird
      eli_bird jake12070

      Posted

      Christmas is over now and i am also happy for that,today is my Birthday then New Years Eve follows so its normally a quiet period so what are you hope to do for New Year ? 

      yes you have gone back to square 1 but this is only because people around you were selfish its not your fault its theirs 

      is there somewhere you can make an effort to go for New Year ?

    • jake12070
      jake12070 eli_bird

      Posted

      Happy birthday, hope you're having a nice day xx

      No i don't have anywhere to go for new year, no friends or family except my mum after being kicked out and its the last place i wanted to come but i had no choice sad

      Just me, in my room, trying to deal with my thoughts as always sad

    • eli_bird
      eli_bird jake12070

      Posted

      Thank you for Birthday wishes im just going to make a nice meal for my Sister when she finishes work i should have been spending it with my son who is your age but its not possible this year.

      So you are at home with your mum,Do you work or are you a student ?

      hmmm yes it is difficult when you have no choices so i am presuming you not working.

    • Dondons3
      Dondons3 eli_bird

      Posted

      Happy birthday xx 

      Today is my birthday too x 

    • eli_bird
      eli_bird Dondons3

      Posted

      Happy Birthday Dondons3  blessings for the future ,Enjoy the day smile

       

    • jake12070
      jake12070 eli_bird

      Posted

      Hope you have a great time later and im sorry you couldn't spend it with your son.

      Its a long story but im on a year off at the minute x

    • eli_bird
      eli_bird jake12070

      Posted

      what are you studying ? you can do a lot in a year before you return to your studies 

      what are you planning to do with the year have you any thoughts on it ?

       

    • jake12070
      jake12070 eli_bird

      Posted

      Its a long story and i don't really want to get into it but i have no plans anymore, i dont know what to say i just dont have any hope at the minute and trying to vent so i dont feel any worse sad
    • eli_bird
      eli_bird jake12070

      Posted

      its ok hun if you dont have plans they can come, i just wondered if there was something you would like to do but unable to at the moment .

      its just a tempoary situation with hope you can build towards it and im so glad you chose this forum as people here are so suportive and give good advice and help

       

    • jake12070
      jake12070 eli_bird

      Posted

      Dealing with the thoughts in my head takes all day and before you know it, its 3am and im still not asleep.

      I have nothing and no plans, i am glad i found this forum, i wouldn't have got through what happened a few months ago without some people here but im straight back to where i started sad

    • eli_bird
      eli_bird jake12070

      Posted

      Its ok hun you back to square one and like you said you got through it with the help of kind people who care on here so you in a good place

      ,its not easy and yes there will be set backs and yes its picking yourself up and starting all over again but with help you become stronger and next year you wont leave yourself vunlerable at Christmas time like you have this year you will be stronger and wont allow it trust me,

      But for now we have to start again and make you stronger smile 

    • jake12070
      jake12070 eli_bird

      Posted

      Im sorry ill speak soon not doing well at the minute sad
    • eli_bird
      eli_bird jake12070

      Posted

      ok as you wish smile

      i will check messages all day so i will reply today smile

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