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I am 49 - I have had standard perimenopause symptoms for 9 years. My periods are fortnightly only last 24 hours and I am using bioidentical progesterone every day.
Last night something happened to me that's left me in tears as I write this thread I am so scared and alone, I had hoped things were getting better since these depressional waves and other symptoms started a month ago, but after last night I have given up hope of that happening as it was by far the most intense attack i have had to date.
I started with a feeling of emotional flatness which I have had before during the last month but not this intense.
It creeps up on me and I notice I start to feel disinterested in the TV I had been watching (for example) and I am less and less connected to whatever I had been watching or doing.
This moves onto what I would describe as classic PMS depression, tears and very low mood and I actually feel sleepy too so lie down and doze on and off as the anxiety and depression plays on in the back of my mind.
I cannot sleep truly I just feel sleepy, so I am awake lead in bed and I start to feel detached from my environment, nothing feels or looks real anymore... I am in my own house and I recognise it but I feel like i'm trapped inside a bubble or my own head as well as feeling depressed and i DO mean depressed in a clinical sense.
I can hold a conversation about how I am feeling but thats all I can do. If my dog sits on my lap I cannot feel emotionally connected to her, I am stroking her like a robot...no emotion.
I feel like I am in a dream like bubble and its very intense.
Of course THEN I start to feel anxious because I am so scared this spaced out drugged up is not going to end, that I will get "stuck" in this bubble of depression and derealisation.
I feel weak, drowsy, dizzy, my body has a kind of buzzing sensation to it now... my limbs feel wobbly and weak. But my heart is not racing and I am breathing normally. I am NOT having a panic attack as I would have imagined it to be....I feel very depressed and very unreal and of course scared/worried about if this will ever end and pass. I am crying...hysterically scared of how I am feeling and how long I will feel this way.
I have read about people who are in a constant state of "derealisation" and honestly, to feel like that indefinitely I know hand on heart I would want to be dead..and I do not say that lightly. At this point, all I can think about is: "My God...please let me out of this feeling...I want my mind sanity back I NEED my mind back"
After about one half hours, It starts to lift. The TV will catch my attention again and I can follow the story and feel emotionally connected to what I am watching & hearing again and I can feel the dark fog lifting... and I am so relieved. Within 10 minutes I am back to myself, but very shaken....The whole "thing" lasted 3 hours but the most intense part with the derealisation lasted one and half hours.
Now of course I am a living walking mess because I this can occur at any time and next time maybe I will get stuck like that...
I have no one I can call or talk to. No one who can relate or tell me "they have had it too" and when I look online all I find are stories of usually younger people who are in a permanent state of derealisation or depersonalisation due to anxiety issues and panic disorders and all that does is add more anxiety to my anxious mind.
This all started AFTER I stopped eating sugars and started cleaning my diet up....????
I have read the symptoms of a "Panic Attack" and Derealisation and Depersonalisation are listed as one of the main symptoms of a panic attack but still, I am not aware of feeling anxiety when it starts only once I am in the middle of it.
I have copied and pasted my personal symptoms from a list associated with Anxiety & Panic attacks.
Feeling of going crazy or losing control
Feeling you might pass out
A surge of doom and gloom
Feeling detached from reality
Weak in the knees
Hot and cold flushes
Derealization (feeling unreal, in a dream-like state)
Dizziness, lightheadedness, unsteadiness
Inability to calm yourself down
Knot in the stomach, tight stomach
Feel like crying
The last month has been hell. I stopped eating sugars started juicing veg cleaned up my diet and for what?? I have never ever been so sick and depressed.
I left a thread a couple of weeks ago about these new symptoms ive had for a month. here: https://patient.info/forums/discuss/spaced-out-dreamlike-bright-vivid-colours-pms-perimenopause-hormones--647313
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