Is This Depression?

Posted , 5 users are following.

I've had depression since I was 9-year's old, when my dad passed away. I'm almost 19 now, and I still have depression. Not necessarily because of my dad's death, though I miss him like crazy still... I also, have severe anxiety/panic disorder. For a while now, I've been feeling like I can't summon the energy to go on in life and be happy. It's affecting my relationships with everyone I care about.

My anxiety was already pushing others away, because they didn't know how to make me stop panicking about everything. A lot of people think I'm paranoid, and some people seem to think I can just "shut it off." I wish others would understand that it's not that simple. Anxiety paired with depression, has been horrible for me. I've only had severe anxiety since November of last year. 

I've been having trouble finding things to make me feel happy. I eat, all the time now, I take forever deciding if music or watching movies/shows, will make happy. Or I think about taking a walk, doing other things... I just can't frigging cope with this. I keep feeling this empty feeling inside, and I gey frustrated easily now, to the point where I cry sometimes. I only had a job for a week and a half, and I cried one day, because 2 co-worker's were talking about how I was going slow and they need fast-pace workers, blah blah blah. It happened to be on the day of my therapy evaluation (I have a therapy appointment tomorrow afternoon). 

It's like I'm in a fog and can't think straight. I keep getting into arguments with everyone, especially my close friends. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I guess, it's because I don't know how to stop feeling sad. I have sadness that will last a whole day to a week, usually, but sometimes longer than a week. It's so hard to describe. It's like there's a heavy weight of darkness upon my shoulders, and I can't motivate myself to do much of anything, except sit around, eat, watch movies/shows, maybe take a walk... Nothing like getting a new job, and frigging getting a LIFE.

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi kayla

    Its good you have therapy starting tomorrow and I am sure you are anxiuos about that as your not sure what to expect..What i can tell you is it wil start off with questions to get an understanding of what is going on for you.. Then iswillbe a slow process of getting to know you and taking into consideration of what you wan to talk about. Small steps..

    It does sound like depression due to your lack of motivation..You sound very stressed and angry..Probably due to frustration of where you are at right now and feeling no-one understands.. Don't be hard on yourself as this is quite understandable of how your feeling right now..

    Not everyone understands what it is like to suffer anxiety, panic attacks etc and it can be lonely at times when you are around friends and family who just see you possibley getting upset over nothing.. it is not nothig when you feel like this and the simplest things can set you off.. 

    There are people on here totally understand what you are going through and your not on your own.. Be kind to yourself and recognise the things you have achieved.. Even in a day when your having a hard time take into consideration just getting up and making the effort is a big thing when your feeling down.. the fact you want to try and watch movies or listen to music.. little steps..

    You will come out the other end with talking to your therapist and your life wil get back on track.. It will take time and keep coming on here for support..

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  • Posted

    Hi Kayla lack of motivation is a common symptom of depression so don't beat yourself up about it. I too struggle to get myself going so I'm just doing simple things like walking around the local park, going out for coffee. You're not well so you need time to get better. Getting a job may not necessarily be what you need right now. You need time to heal and recover. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time and that you have severe anxiety issues. Seeing a doctor can help. Are you on medication?
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    • Posted

      I'm not on any medication right now. The thing is, people keep questioning why I haven't gotten a job, my GED, or my license (I have my permit, but my mom doesn't want to teach me how to drive; I have to pay for classes later). I feel like I'm going no where right now, and I keep getting stressed every time I think of the things I have to do. Lots of people, like my mom & stepdad, think I'm just being lazy, and making excuses...
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    • Posted

      It's not ideal that your Mum and step Dad are saying you're lazy. Could you perhaps go with your Mum to see a doctor? It's very important that you have the time and space to deal with your depression and anxiety. It also sounds like you may need medication.
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  • Posted

    From my experience talking to friends and family barely helps, no one will ever feel exactly like you or fully understand your issues. And therapy can help but mostly seems to end up with that person taking pills or getting no results. Because you can only explain your issues so many times before people give up on trying, and you dont want to push people away but deep down your upset because they can't help you but that's all you want. Its a trap that's hard to escape and the brain easily rewires itself, so returning to your most stable state of mind won't be the same.
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    • Posted

      I've tried talking to those who love &/or care about me, but 99% of them are annoyed by me now, or just upset, period, because they can't help me and I won't stop feeling like crap.
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  • Posted

    Kayla

    It certainly sounds like depression to me... Have you tried medication? What has helped in the past ? Anything ?

    For me medication and talking therapies have been vital - I've also been part of a 12 step group for people with emotional problems ...

    Hope you feel better soon

    Xxx

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    • Posted

      Glad you have some counselling - but if you've been depressed a while you may need medication to lift things ... I avoided meds for years because I didn't think they helped ... Eventually I tried venlafaxine which has helped me for 6 years
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