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My depressive episodes are really weird. They sometimes last around 2 weeks (my best guess is around 13-18 days but my most recent episode lasted a month and a half) and during this time it's absolutely horrible. I'm super suicidal during those weeks and I won't be able to stop crying (I would cry anywhere and everywhere). I also won't be able to stop SI'ing and I get super scared of myself because I think that I might actually take my life. It got super bad at one point where I started hearing and seeing things (happened to me last year; not that recent though) and it was almost like another part of me was haunting me and telling me to kiill myself.
While I'm not depressed I feel ok-ish sad but I'm no longer crying and it's not interfering with my daily life anymore. But with this 'sadness' I get a lot of anxiety. But then sometimes at moments my mood randomly drops to depression and that lasts about maybe 2-3 days or so (maybe a bit more). Then after all this I'm finally in a more stable mood.
also another thing I should mention is that at the times I am happy I know I'm going to crash (relapse) big time. (this happiness is not mania though; more so like a normal happy).
I think I should also state that sometimes my depression is triggered by something but sometimes not. Also sometimes my depression doesn't happen every month. My 3 depressive episodes I had were quite close together (maybe a month gap inbetween where I felt stable). Right now it's been 2 months since I felt stable so I know I'm going to relapse soon; I just don't know when. I'm trying to find a pattern but so far I havent really noticed anything other than the fact that it happens every few months.
So is this something i should be concerned about? or is this normal? Should i go and seek help? Thank you
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