Is this the depression talking or am i out of love?

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi guys. So i wrote on here about a month ago about A situation going on with myself/boyfriend. We’ve been dating for two years now and we’ve always been a great couple. We never usually fight other than small things and we never put each other down, no abuse, nothing to be concerned about. But one day it’s like a switch turned off in my head and i felt like i didn’t love him anymore. This thought of course scared me to high hell because it came out of absolutely nowhere and the day before, everything was as usual, happy and in love. As i mentioned in my other post I’ve been seriously stressed out in school this semester and i have been noticeably more irritable and depressed feeling. Regarding my boyfriend, i have periods where i feel energized and in love and find it silly to even consider not being in love with him anymore, but then, the majority of the time, i have this feeling that I don’t want to be with him. Its like every time im happy, the devil on my shoulder reminds me that i might not want to be in this relationship anymore which causes me to over think. I have been feeling very disconnected lately too. It’s extremely hard to explain but i sort of feel like i don’t know who i am, and sometimes ill look at my boyfriend and feel as if he is a stranger. It’s very upsetting. But sometimes ill look at him and see the person i love. I’ve also been feeling detached and avoiding of my family and friends as well. Lately my desire to hang out with my boyfriend has also been fading. Although my first instinct is to  plan my schedule to see him and to make time for him whenever i can. There’s just so much going on in my head, i feel like I’ve overthinked myself into a black hole and i don’t know what feelings are real and which are not. I don’t understand how everything could be amazing one day and the next day start questioning my whole relationship. This boy is my best friend and i can’t imagine going a day without talking to him, hugging him, laughing with him and just being around him, yet at the same time, something feels so off inside of myself and im not sure if it is because i don’t want the relationship anymore and im in denial or if im depressed and as a result, im retreating into myself and pushing the people i love away. I have plans to start seeing a therapist but any feedback or advice would be very appreciated

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Danielle. Do you have a problem in general trusting your feelings? You do seem very confused but I suspect that something happened. It feels like to me that you didn't just go to bed one night and wake up the next morning deciding you didn't love him any more? What happened no matter how small to make you feel less for him. Please keep us posted. Diane

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    • Posted

      I do have trouble trusting my feelings, i feel as if i need reassurance from others. All through our relationship whenever we had a bigger fight i feared he would break up with me probably due to insecurity and due to past relationships that weren’t so good. I fear taking about the future because i think “we’ll what if we talk about the future and we don’t work out”. It seems that i am very insecure. Ive worked on this and although we barely argue anymore (we went through a bit of a rough patch about a year ago where we were arguing a lot, he was going through something) i don’t feel our relationship is doomed every time we bicker. As for the “waking up not feeling in love”.. it’s strange and extremely hard to understand. It’s like in my gut I know i love him and cannot picture being without him but it’s as if I’ve thought myself into a ditch. Do you think this could be due to my insecurity/anxiety/depression?
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    • Posted

      To clarify further, around the time when i first got the thought in my head of not loving him, i became extremely stressed in school, got some upsetting health news and also began to become bothered by the way i look (gained some weight). I was under the impression that these things caused my depression to grow and therefore infiltrated into my relationship. I think that could be at the core of these thought about my boyfriend but i cannot be sure. 
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  • Posted

    So do you think you either got scared about the health news and what's going on in school and the weight gain and became aftaid your bf might leave you. But somehow instead of feeling your  insecurity you started obsessing about it but instead of fearing he would leave you it somehow became a obsession that you don't love him in defense of being rejected by him? This is heavy. Does it fit and does it make any sense? Diane

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    • Posted

      Hmm, i hasn’t previously thought about that but honestly it makes a whole lot of sense.. i do remember one day, a couple of days before i started having these thought about him i got really upset about myself and told him that i thought he deserved to be with someone prettier and thinner than me and he obviously told me that i was being ridiculous and that i am beautiful inside and out and that he wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. A few days after this little “breakdown” the thoughts started 
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    • Posted

      Also through the relationship I’ve been very self conscious and that’s how i always have been. Always feeling like good thing that happen to me are “too good to be true” and that i will surely find a way to mess it up. Im not sure how to overcome these feelings about myself and i definitely don’t want m relationship to be ruined because of them. I love him and i know that breaking up with him is not what i want at all, it’s just during those times of over thinking and doubt it all seems so real i wish it would stop 
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    • Posted

      Hi again Danielle. I think you are starting to see the underlying issues. Yours. And they have noting to do with your bf. You love him and he loves you but your insecurities make you afraid that you will lose him and you start oncessing on the relationship. Right?

      May I make a suggestion. Could you get an appointment with your GP and let him know what's going on with your depression and see if you can get referred to a counselor? I think continuing to work on underlying issues is the key to your peace and happiness. What do you think? Please keep writing in. We care and are here for you. Diane

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much. I was always very aware of my insecurities but never realized how much they affect my relationships with not just my boyfriend but others in my life. I requested a consultation with a counselor who has been referred to me by a friend and i hope that i am able to see her ASAP. Thanks again for your thoughtful responses they have really put many things into perspective for me.
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  • Posted

    Hi Danielle you are so welcome. You are very special and I am proud of you for moving so fast on getting a counseling appointing. Getting into action is the best medicine. I know you love your bf now it time to learn to love yourself. Best of luck but don't forget to keep posting we will be glad to support you any way we can. Diane

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  • Posted

    Hi again Danielle - yes I remember your earlier post. Irritable, feeling disconnected, detached, avoiding family and friends, withdrawing from social and intimate scenarios, rampant worrying over non-issues, fear of loss, self criticism and a sense of unworthiness. You have been under stress and have had a health issue to deal with. The feelings about the boyfriend are not a result of anything he has done. Worries about the future will probably never happen. It sounds like depression.  Life is difficult and can get us down. I totally sympathise with young adults today, all the pressures and unrealistic expectations, the demand to look a certain way, to have certain things, to bend to the will of the masses.

    You have made an appointment with a counsellor, which is the best first step. You need somewhere to spill all this, have it examined, get advice on it, and see if other tools may be required to help you achieve peace and a return to the old you. Try not to worry, it's a phase you will deal with and pass through. One in five people will have to grapple with mental health issues somewhere in their life. Good luck with that appointment. we are always here to talk.

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  • Posted

    I remember your last post & I am sorry to hear that things haven't gotten better again meanwhile. However, I think it is good that you made up your mind to get some professional help to improve your situation & made the first steps already. wink I still think a lot about the way you feel has to do with the depression & how you feel about yourself & the stress & not with the way you really feel about your boyfriend - I hope he continues to support you & help you where he can & you still can talk openly. Work on getting better & the way you see yourself...they said we have to learn to love ourselves before we can truely someone else & maybe there is something true about it - you don't seem to love yourself at the moment but I would imagine as you get better again your old feeling for your boyfriend will return as well...just don't put too much pressure on yourself for now. Nothing good come from over-thinking - I tend to do it myself & I know how it feels to over-think oneself in a black hole, as you put it - very correct. wink I am sure you will get some answers in the therapy though, so be patient & see how things will look then - you know you are not in your right mind at the moment. I hope you can start the therapy soon & it will help you. Wishing you all the best. wink

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