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I have been on antidepressant for 3 yrs am a single dad of four beautiful loving kids I was born in the carribean of Trinidad and came here in 1988 so all my life in this country I have no friends or family so can't sort my citizenship but am able to claim benefits for my children I refuse to take benefits and I home teach myself biology and science, I have recently received a cert in fundamentals of biology and a diploma in advanced science I achieved this two months ago on detox but after my ex got to see my kids I felt ill she smokes weed and associates herself around dealers and others alike so picking up the pieces and helping my kids to understand right from wrong is hard because my oldest son lives with her and his attitude and behaviour makes my kids think if he can get away with it so can they arghhhhhh why do I think like a woman but love them get no interest in them because am black with four kids no family no friends kids doing great in school so why am I alive job done am on 90mg of mirtazapine and I felt sleepy but now nothing so I take 135mg with alcohol still nothing so is it doing nothing for me as it isn't killing me. I have detox by myself I studied I exercise and I am back where I've started. am now smoking cannabis but late at night so the kids don't know and I drink four cans of strong larger to suppress the anger and hate of myself doing what my children's mother does am no better and just want to see the dark....nothing
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