ive been on antidepressant for years no change help please!

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I have been on antidepressant for 3 yrs am a single dad of four beautiful loving kids I was born in the carribean of Trinidad and came here in 1988 so all my life in this country I have no friends or family so can't sort my citizenship but am able to claim benefits for my children I refuse to take benefits and I home teach myself biology and science, I have recently received a cert in fundamentals of biology and a diploma in advanced science I achieved this two months ago on detox but after my ex got to see my kids I felt ill she smokes weed and associates herself around dealers and others alike so picking up the pieces and helping my kids to understand right from wrong is hard because my oldest son lives with her and his attitude and behaviour makes my kids think if he can get away with it so can they arghhhhhh why do I think like a woman but love them get no interest in them because am black with four kids no family no friends kids doing great in school so why am I alive job done am on 90mg of mirtazapine and I felt sleepy but now nothing so I take 135mg with alcohol still nothing so is it doing nothing for me as it isn't killing me. I have detox by myself I studied I exercise and I am back where I've started. am now smoking cannabis but late at night so the kids don't know and I drink four cans of strong larger to suppress the anger and hate of myself doing what my children's mother does am no better and just want to see the dark....nothing

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey u have a lot on ur plate bud! The smoking weed n drinking is not helping go back to ur gp sn ask for a different med cut out the smoking n drinking and ask for therapy to help u deal with the anger issues with ur ex. Try n get involved in groups for men to make friends is there no single dads websites or stuff where u can chat to men who relate?
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    • Posted

      thank you for your words but I feel a lot of hate and anger for myself so I am not worthy to be around others as I could pass bad energy in their life's. but thank you it's people like yourselves that make this site helpful for some. God blessed you not me and that is fine we are moving developing and searching the stars people like me waste resources. take care.

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  • Posted

    Hey,I'm sorry you're having a bad time,in my opinion I'd go see you Gp to ask for help with your drinking and smoking,I know first hand that smoking cannabis whilst having Anxiety issues is no way forward,I had to stop it, it gave me overwhelming feelings of Panic,

    Your children would suffer a great deal if they lost you,your the Adult here and they need there dad!you brought them into this world and in doing so they become your responsiblity,leaving them behind is not a solution,hold on to the love you have for them and don't let go,no matter how hard it gets,I'm sure they would rather worry about you then not have you here to worry about!

    You've obviously been let down somewhere in life,plz don't let them down,they will always need you but more importantly you need each other. Take care my friend.

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    • Posted

      I really appreciate the words of encouragement and I am going to do exactly like you said I have a appointment to see the local CHMT. I get no adult input or support so when I hear another tell me, it resonates. this site is made from people like yourselves and I thank you all in your busy lives to give back others
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  • Posted

    Sounds like you are trying very hard and have done a lot on your own. You are correct at doing excersise and not wanting your kids to smoke weed. Keep on trying to do what's best but smoking weed/drinking are just a quick fix but isn't going to help you. You need to feel better and I wish I had the answers to that myself. I'm only on 11.5 mg of Mertz and I don't want to be on it either. You may need to change locations of seperate yourself further from your children's mother. Hope things improve and I have to give you credit for your studying. You are doing a lot of great things.

     

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    • Posted

      I thank you sir I really do it's really hard doing the studying really is but I have a routine with the kids the older ones bed by 9pm and youngest at 6 and 8pm. when they are in bed I then am battling one side wanting to study and the other saying you are worthless you are just a great dad but you are afraid of living because my ex always finds a way to interupt it. last night I woke up cold I was on the balcony standing close to the fences on the fourth floor. am scared and I don't want to make my kids suffer. I hope things go well with you and whatever life has given you, but remember what you are given to deal with is God telling you you can because he only dishes out what you can handle to make you better and stronger. this also is my problem I just can't teach or take care of myself and it leads to anger for myself. thank you again

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  • Posted

    How have you been today?? Better I hope,

    I just wanted to let you know that your not alone,there's always someone listening if you need to chat.

    There's a web site for fathers/mothers who like you are having a difficult time,

    It's called Relate, it's somewhere you can reach out to especially when life is getting you down.

    Talking through it with people who understand can be really rewarding,

    I really hope you work things out for yourself and your family. Take care.

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    • Posted

      I really appreciate you giving your time to give advice this site would be nothing without people like yourselves. I feel really embarrassed at myself and this causes much shame and anger for myself. thank you again and I hope things get better for you. I find it hard to find myself but before I pass I want to help someone else. thank you again I will look for this site because I want to know I've tried everything before I make my final decision.

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    • Posted

      What's a bit of embarrassment between friends on here,that's not as I remember it,

      Sometimes God can dish out a bit to much and that's when we need to reach out,your not a time waster.

      I hope you can move forward from this and find peace in your life.

      Thank you for making me realise that life could be worse,I'm surrounded by loving family,I took this for granted.

      Remember you have given back,you have a lot more to give and time to give it.

      I hope the new year brings you,love peace and happiness,I'm sure it will.

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  • Posted

    Hey Nathan,

    I'm not sure what you mean by "pass" but I hope you remember that you are special and that g-d loves you just the way you are. Your kids mean so much to you and I'm sure in time things will improve. That's the same thing I keep telling myself. Lately things have fallen off the rails for me and I find myself thinking about a plan out of here. My kids love me too and it's them because of them I still plan to move forward. I hope you try to move forward too. All the best!

    al

     

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