ive had depression for 3 years,,it gradually worsens

Posted , 7 users are following.

 my depression , anxiety has many symptoms ,,lack of energy no interest in anything,,insomnia etc,,,, but,the ones i find most difficult to deal with are the dark thoughts it conjures up,,,,makes you feel you are useless,,,hopeless, ugly ,worthless,,in seconds it takes your thoughts on an endless rollercoaster journey of everything that is negative ,, a dark dream of self loathing that plummets into a huge bottomless hole that you spiral into, it takes you to a future which is black and full of fear ,it drags you away from people to the point the loneliness becomes unbearable and yet thats what you want because ,its easier to hide,,,,,than act normal,, it tears you apart,,,then throws you away.

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  • Posted

    I felt the same way when my depression was at its worst. It was easier to hide than try to act normal. It became too much for me to see anybody or do anything. Now I'm on the right meds and I have my life back few back. I'm happier and sleeping better than I have in years. Please make it a priority to see your doctor and get th help you need. Keep in touch. We all understand how you feel. Take care.

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  • Posted

    Hi David yes I know exactly what you mean if does that normally at night time because this is the time your more vulnerable it's a mental imbalance.

    Sub-conscious thought knows it's not so easy to get help at night ya know in the day time you can pick a phone up get some reassurance from a friend or family member one of our biggest problems is we don't what to burden others.

    Remember the illness wants you to suffer it what's you to feel alone helpless it doesn't want you to be able to calm yourself with a quick phone call it's your own head.

    It knows the perfect time to strike and cause maximum distress is night time, it knows you because it is you it knows when your least likely to be able to get help and that's when it kicks in. It's just as smart as you because you are its feeder your brain gives it the information very cloak and dagger stuff almost a double agent working for both sides,

    You only need to watch the activity on this site to see what I'm saying in the day time watch the activity on the site it's very slow yet at night time it picks up its everynight it happens because we are all alone at night if life is a rollercoaster then its straps is in the front seat of the oblivion when our minds play theses games with us

    I hope you are feeling better today

    Take care mike

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  • Posted

    I also find mornings really hard I wake with horrible thoughts and fear....it's a horrible hole of dark thoughts .

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    • Posted

      Three years of this, not sure how im still around.  Mucking about by psych with meds which make me feel worse then stop them. First thing i feel on waking is fear, fear of what and why, there must be a way of putting this back to normal.
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    • Posted

      Same that's how I wake hold my head n feel crazy.. I'm sick of going to doctor n psychiatrist as the psy meds made me want to stab my self ended up in hospital...do you fear having to go back to doctor I do I hate it xo

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    • Posted

      I know how you feel, these meds dont half mess with you and cause untold bad experiences.  I wish i didnt have to take them.  I suppose i dont, its voluntary way of trying to get better.  My hubby says remember they are all mindbenders and therefore these are the sid effects which you didnt have prior to taking them.  There must be something out there which would work without the horrible feelings.
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    • Posted

      Oh I know I wish they would find something I paid $129 for valdoxan was told they are fantastic so I got the 30 day script and ended up I. Major panic attack then put on Prozac and still finding Prozac messing with my head.. I'm thinking of going back to my old doctor as I'm desperate 😨 But I don't no if there is anything out there that really works

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    • Posted

      I asked psychiatrist for valdoxan, he said no as it might mess with your liver. Its mnot approved by NICE!  Just want to feel better so please somebody come up with a cure.
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    • Posted

      Yes valdoxan is expensive and yes had to have liver test all the time ..from what I found being in them was angry nasty and crying ended up in hospital.. what meds are you on atm
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  • Posted

    This is an evil illness.  Your thoughts are so in tune with us on this site.  Have you managed to get any help at all from the professionals? PHyllis is such a good example that it can get better, have you tried many medications? 

    The big black hole is horrendous and the self limiting activity isn't great either.  You want to feel better, but cant, you want to be back to normal, but cant.  Are you able to get any relief by taking medication, or therapy?

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  • Posted

    Hi David. The manifestations you mentioned are exactly the manifestations my 19-year old daughter would show when she is at her lowest. She has been fighting anxiety (and now, I'd say it did worsen into mild/severe depression in late March to early April of this year) since she was 15 when she was aware of it. We did not want her to take medications because we thought she would be able to manage it, but this April was the scariest months of our life. That was when the manifestations you mentioned showed up. She is now on Cipralex, 10 mg. Started on Citalopram onApril 10th, 10 mg but it had so many side effects. 

    In high school, she saw a therapist and they did Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because she was diagnosed to have Exposure Anxiety (fear of public places,  of walking or traveling alone) and the CBT has addressed this. She has been going out on her own (to work, school) without any fear. 

    Since she had severe anxiety attacks this March and April that worsened into mild depression, we know that there are other anxiety issues she has to address. This has brought her to her state of depression, so we are now finding a therapist who can go through CBT with her again. CBT is said to be provenbecause of all the professional research done on the method. They say it is better than meds because CBT teaches you to react or attack your fears, and then it becomes a lifetime weapon for you. Maybe you can ask your doctor if you can avail of CBT in your place.

    I hope that, if you haven't yet tried it, CBT works for you. smile

    Hang in there. You are not alone. We are with you in this battle.

    Bern

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    • Posted

      Your daughter is very lucky to have parents who are loving and devoted to helping her. It breaks my heart to read some of the posts on this forum from teenagers whose parents don't listen to them or pass their feelings off as teenage angst. Any child asking for help should be acknowledged and taken to a medical professional who can make a professional assessment of the child's emotional health. Doesn't everyone, regardless of age, deserve to be heard when they are expressing their feelings?

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    • Posted

      Thanks Phyllis, 

      Having kids is such a huge responsibility and no one is perfect. Nothing is. However, I always get guided by the philosophy that we, the parents, brought our children unto this world and hence, we need to take care of them in every possible way. When they young, we are their biggest support system and I believe that the reason they come to us for help first is because they trust us and they know deep in their heart that we will not turn them down or ignore their questions or concerns. There are kids who have high pain tolerance, like my eldest, who won't mention what she is feeling until it really bothers her. And yet, I would know if something is bothering her. I think that is also because I am the mom. My youngest mentions her pains right away but these were her physical pains. As for her anxiety, she would mention them all the time, and her anxiety would manifest itself through many forms, but when we would ask her the reason why, sometimes there were just no reasons. That was when we got even more concerned. I go by the rule that if my child is not acting normally or has suddenly changed in some way that is not good, I ask them; I observe them; I check their social media accounts; I research on my observation, etc. There is so much stigma around mental illness that affects both the one who is ill and the loved one. The one who is ill, if very young, may not even understand what is wrong with them. They just feel that something is way off. On the other hand, the family may also not be aware of mental illness and, like in the older days, brush these off as 'just being too sensitive', 'thinking too much', 'just needing attention',etc., which is really sad considering there are a lot of campaings and programs now that spread mental health awareness. We need more awareness movements so that everyone learns about mental illness, talks about it without prejudice, and allow those who struggle to come out in the open and seek treatment. 

      And yes, everyone deserves to be heard. The reason they are speaking out is because they need help. Especially if they have no one else to run to, we need to be able to listen. With what we experienced with my girl, back in the day, when her anxiety was just starting, we just stayed with her, listened, hugged her, and told her that we were there for her. Sometimes assuring them that they are not alone already helps in leaps. We have to keep them hopeful and positive no matter how hard because mental illness can hit you so hard. It is a day to day battle. As I tell my girl, we will take things one step at a time, now that she is on her way to recovery. We learn from the past --- for example, not taking too much on your plate, being grateful, or taking time to smell the flowers. Life is short and we live only once. It is worth taking a step back to regain your health and well-being. 

      I pray that everyone who asks for help will get heard and that they get the help they needed within the soonest possible time. 

      Take care,

      Bern

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    • Posted

      I never had my own children, although I wanted a family very much. I agree with everything you said. If you love them and listen, that's the greatest gift you can give them. I hope your daughter will continue to recover and be happy and less anxious. Take care.

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much for your thoughtfulness, Phyllis! It means so much to us and to my daughter, most especially. Thank God for communities who care, like this forum! <3

      Hugs.

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