Just about broken enough

Posted , 3 users are following.

I know and apoligise for being on the site so much lately.

I don't know what's wrong with me should suck it up and be more of a man I get that the truth is tho I'm broken

I'm exhausted I can't sleep I nod off for an hour or two like just now

But even my dreams taught me I dreamt me and my ex sorted things out to at least enough for me to be allowed to see my child

The harsh reality was I woke up and found it to be exactly that a bloody dream!

For you guys that don't know what happened it's rather simply she disappeared for fourth months whilst pregnant left me nothing and had no contact the whole time

I struggled but got myself bk on my feet she came four months later expecting things to be all good pick up where we left off but I couldn't I'd lost faith in the relationship

I told her I couldn't and I'd only be there for the baby that's all I was I treated in

With that she said I wouldn't see the baby then and I couldn't go on the birth certificate and there fore I wouldn't have parental responsibility

I'm my arrogance I told her she couldn't stop me getting parental responsibility and I'd go to court if I had to

Like an absolute tool not realising how cold and calculated she would be I told her the only reasons there would refuse me parental responsibility is if one I was a child abuser so all good there or if I only wanted parental responsibility to harras the mother which wasn't the case she she didn't have any cause for the courts to agree with her

She went quite with me and stopped messaging me as the expected date drew closer and closer and the reality hit I wasn't going to see my child I panicked I messaged her to smooth things over trying to be. Ice and got no response I continued to message her turned out I sent 63 messages in two weeks none where nasty all of good faith trying to reach common ground for the. Babies sake one day I got a knock on the door and was arrested for Harrass ment yeah I know no warnings nothing ( that's screwed up ) anyway I argued my case in court because the wording of the charge sheet said to cause Harrassment or distress to her so I argued that saying the content of the messages were all of good nature, however and this is what really annoys me apparently it's not the content of the messages it's the fact they were not wanted that convicts you so I got a conviction for harassment on her so now I can't see my child I can't even approach or contact her for three years to discuss contact nothing at all

In some way I hope she can justify to herself what's she's done ya know I'm shocked really I am but what hurts the most is I know ppl will think well three years you go you fight the correct way two things wrong with that she can now wave a conviction around and say see he wants it to Harrass me and this one is why I feel like dieing I can't get the time be ya know and frankly I thing the time I've lost is more important to me than my life that's and there's not a damn thing anyone can do to convince me otherwise it's like I'm stuck on the thought of the time I've already lost I'll never get back ever I'll never look at my daughter whilst she's a baby I don't know her date of birth how much she weighed whether she was health or even is healthy I know nothing and it's all because I couldn't take her back I'm so in the gutter but the truth is I don't want to have to deal with this anymore the baby meant more to me than anything else in my life ever without her I have no life just a mondum esistance

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