Just found out I have herpes last week

At first the doctor thought it was bv because it was very mild. But at the start of the course of taking the metronidazole vaginal gel I started getting raw painful open sores. I went to the obgyn 3 days later because the pain was so excruciating I couldn’t sit. As soon as I open my legs she says “yep it’s herpes but whatever it’s not a big deal” in a very mean way & I have a huge panic attack & she’s just staring at me & orders blood work. I call my partner screaming because he is the only person I’ve been with for some time now. He lies & says he hasn’t had unprotected sex so it’s impossible to have gotten from him. But it was my primary infection which I could have only gotten within 7 days so I know it’s him. I go home crying my eyes out. And I ask him to come but he didn’t. I couldn’t pee, shower sit or anything so I just went to sleep. The next day the outbreak got worse even though I started the valacyclovir course. I tried to drink less than a bottle a day to avoid peeing and every time I had to pee I screamed really loud into a pillow no pain meds worked nor did the lidocaine jelly prescribed to me. He texts me saying he got tested and whatever happens we will find out and deal with this together. He calls for the next few days. And I saw him a few days later and he seemed so supportive but he slipped up and revealed that he had sex last month with the mother of his child (they’ve been broken up for a long time now and live apart) The next day I knew he found out that he has it because he didn’t call or text me. So I asked him did he get his results. And I asked him if he was feeling better because there was something going on the only reply I got was “yep” and I said “ yep, what?” No answer for 2 days. So I text him again demanding verification that he has it and he called saying yes he has it with an attitude and said he doesn’t want to talk to me because I can’t make things any better. I was furious. He was the only person I’ve been with and he transmits to me because he decided to have sex with someone who constantly cheated on him when they were together. I knew that before him I didn’t have herpes because I had just had my annual and also got tested for hiv and herpes because I asked for it. I am so angry that he is leaving me to go through this on my own. I told my mom which was a huge mistake because the same day she told my dad, grandmother, stepdad and my uncle about me. I feel so violated by the one person who is supposed to always have my back who gave birth to me because I can barely admit to myself that I have herpes after just over a week of finding out and now my whole family knows. And the person who gave this to me hasnt shown any remorse or support. It p***es me off that he has no symptoms at all and I had a horrible outbreak the most excrutiating pain of my life (multiple labial lesions, flu like symptoms, inability to pee, it’s going to my sciatic nerve now because when I lay down it feels like an elephant is sitting on my back, butt, vagina, and thighs. & I missed a week of school and work. I’m fully aware that it takes 2 people to have unprotected sex and I should have known better in the first place but the least he could do is be there for me. I don’t mind being there for him even tho I’m angry and devastated because it’s something new to the both of us but he won’t do the same for me so I told him today that If he can’t be there for me & talk to me like I’m trying to do for him the I want him out of my life for good. I understand it’s a huge shock when u thought u had nothing & u need time to yourself because I also need time to myself, but i also need the man I’ve been with who caused this whole s**t show to somewhat be there for me, even if it’s a phone call every other day I don’t care. I feel like I can’t trust anybody from my mom to my boyfriend. I feel alone. My mom keeps trying to be there for me but I feel betrayed all she had to do was be there for me and let me tell my family on my own if I want to (which I probably wouldn’t have) , on top of that she also has HSV2 so she knows exactly how it feels. I wake up & this is the first thing I think about. My mind gets off of it when I’m in class or studying but it always comes back to the fact that I have herpes & am still dealing with pain & its all on my own. I know this is long but I just had to get it out. 

0 likes, 1 reply