Just found this forum, and I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad that it's here.
Posted , 4 users are following.
Suffering depression and life's obstacles. Reading posts and finding it so sad that so many are suffering
Want to just crawl into bed and never crawl out again.
I'm 50, I've lost my family, my friends, and most of all myself. I've lost interest in all of the things I used to love to do. I don't know who I am anymore. I simply feel LOST.
No motivation, no desires, no self-will. I've never been this tired
3 likes, 8 replies
brenda69464 Girlynae
Posted
I have lived with mental illness for over 15 years and in only the last four months have found ways to cope and manage my problem without prescription drugs. I have never felt better in my 56 years!
I am sure that talking to your Dr. you can get the help you need.
You are the same person you have always been. You are just entering a different phase of life and need something new and different to put the bounce back in your step!
Try taking long walks every day in the sunshine,enjoy listening to the birds singing, watch the children in your neighborhood park playing and laughing at the simple things in life. Try a new hobby, take a night course,learn a new language....there are many things that could put a twinkle back in your eye.
You will be in my prayers.
Girlynae brenda69464
Posted
Thank you Brenda.... that was beautifully written. I do these things, it's just getting harder
Blessings
ann55375 brenda69464
Posted
mauiblue Girlynae
Posted
Hi Girlynae
Yes ive been thinking about how this as well, just how many sufferers there are.
Did this just come on immediately? May i ask how you lost your family and friends? Only because during this last year of 'many changes' ive lost relationships- family, and personal, and i think it adds to the equation. Not the root cause but it adds to it.
I think here you will gather lots of information and tons of support. The depression i have came on gradually, over the course of 6-8 months, I thought before that my depression was paralleled with chronic neck pain, and it often times is, but when the neck pain lightened up, my depression remained ... along with bottomed out hormones and menopause...its all tied together.
hope to hear more, everyone is very supportive
xx
Girlynae mauiblue
Posted
Kauaiblue,
Thank you for the reply. I completely understand the hormone factor! I have had 2 pituitary tumors removed over the past 14 years. They forever changed me. I've been in chronic pain since the first surgery and it gets worse with the years passing. I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which I believe is a hormone issue at best.
My husband divorced me 4 years ago, and I've been suffering since. Emotionally, physically, mentally.
I'm alone and miserable. It's getting harder to find the hope I used to have.
I have the heart of a child and compassion for all. Extremely sensitive and it's making it so hard to find coping skills.
Much Love....
mauiblue Girlynae
Posted
I understand fibromyalgia and its complicated and increasingly more and more common...they are tying it to many things now, lots of research being done. Autoimmune issues, and pain syndromes are increasingly more common
Ive had tooth, neck and upper body pains that went on endlessly,(4 yrs)i just stopped telling anybody because they would think i was a hypochondriac...and now the menopause. This clearly has kicked my *ss.
I do not know if you are taking anything for all of this? I think that being alone is probably the worst.
We are not meant to be isolated. 1 or 2 good close people at least.
This forum is here for you, and its been helpful for me..
sending you healing waves.
XX
Girlynae mauiblue
Posted
I am 50, and I house share with someone. Being alone was just too much for me, and I began to isolate.
I do not have any family near by except for my younger sister whom I've essentially helped outnfor the last 25 years as she has Lupus along with other health issues. My children are 31,25, and 17. Two boys and my baby is a girl who has just moved south for college. My ex husband of 28 years broke my heart and soul by divorcing me and telling me that my health issues are too expensive to deal with. He's convinced my kids that there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm just selfish. They have little to do with me. He tells them that our family split is my fault. (Did I mention that he is very wealthy? That he manipulated me with promises if I'd do the divorce his way? I went from being more than comfortable, to having nothing but heartbreak) After a long battle in court I only received 4 yrs of alimony and it's ending this month. I've had 6 jobs, all of which I had to leave due to pain, brain fog, and anxiety with depression. I've tried every antidepressant known to man and they all make me hallucinate. No one can figure out why, other than I have a sensitive neurological system. Pain management Dr gives me oxy for pain, and it terrifies me. Makes me feel completely euphoric for about 4 hours and then more depressed than ever. I could go on and on, but I feel like I'm a broken record to myself. I just try to be positive and say "you've got this! You can do anything if you put your mind to it" then my body reminds me that I cannot. My Drs have disabled me, however the system will not. I own too much, and apparently have too much money. So I will be losing my home I've worked so hard to keep, and will actually have no income source. It's all hysterical when I think about it.
And I wonder why I feel like I do......
Thanks for the reply, and just taking the time.
Peace, Light and Love
mauiblue Girlynae
Posted
I am not certain where you live, but sometimes it boils down to the bare bones of necessity for living and finding yourself again.
I am certain that your children know you and your true self, and will never lose their love for you.
What are your docs telling you..?You might just have to downscale completely, and start over.
If I am rendered useless (in terms of working and high functioning) then I will and would not hesitate to just let it go and start over.
Can your adult children support you in any way? Its so hard to stand on our own two feet sometimes without any help. I know, its what i do all the time. Yikes.
There has to be something amiss, that's what I believe.
You have to just think right now of yourself and recovery, that is what I am doing. Approach your health from every angle possible until you get it right. If it isnt AD, then it might be something else.
I know...some people tell me, "go out into nature and go for a walk" I want to throw up when i hear this. I know that sounds so crass, but truly when you are in the dark, nature and yadda yadda means crap.
(this is coming from someone who worships the sunrises and sunsets, running water, and the sound of my kids slumber)
i know that i love life but no loner have the chemical capacity to register it as joy.
Our own self will is verrrry fierce, and if you think about it, its attacking itself.
Find your spiritual side, im looking for mine because this is probably all the hope there is. Our minds are a powerful figment of the imagination, ..Find your true self. and be brave..
i hope this makes sense.
write anytime
XOXO (fellow struggler)