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I'm a young mom of 2. I've been depressed most of my life. Always laying in bed no energy. I don't work, get disability, but that doesn't last the whole month. Kids are so hungry. Only thing to eat is tuna fish, no bread. They are dirty, hairs not done, etc. So am I. I don't feel like it . I wanna just go to sleep. I hate myself. They don't deserve this. The look in my 6 year olds eyes kill me. I'm tired, I'm always tired. Spent most of the summer in the house going weeks at a time without leaving the house. School is about to start in about 2 weeks. But just like last year they'll keep threatening to call cos cause the kids missed so many days of school, cause my lazy ass can't get out of bed. It's for the best, but I've been through foster care and don't want them to go. I always say my kids are the only reason I'm alive cause no one will truly love them like me. I love them but that doesn't make me a good mom. Why keep living if I'm making it worst for them. I lay in the bed daydreaming all day I'm someone else. I hate me. I'm almost 200 lbs. I don't shave, I cut my hair off cause it won't grow anymore. Just a complete ugly slob. Haven't bathed in days. Not a single clean dish in the house. Freezer is completely empty. I have pancake mix but the thought and dread of getting my lazy self up to clean the dishes and make pancakes makes me want to kill myself. House is filthy, everyone in it is filthy. Everyone outside is enjoying life. Everyone in this house is poor dirty scum. Kids don't deserve this life. But I've been trying to not be a lazy slob since before they were born. Years of therapy and pills. Nothing works. Still lazy, still sick, still dirty. Scum of the earth raising beautiful kids to be lazy and rely on government handouts. So why live?? I'll never get better. Kids are already showing signs of laziness, they don't want to go outside, lay in bed all day too. It's our normal.
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