Just need someone to talk to

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kay19801
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Hi all

Massive anxiety sufferer here, im at my lowest today and need someone to listen to me.

Ive had health anxiety to years now but its at its ultimate peak since January this year but before this to put things into perspective ive been fobbed off 3 times by doctors in the past and nearly died on both occassions

In Jan it started with a cough so being a smoker it raised alarm bells of lung cancer, in 35 by the way. Xray was done and it was normal. Then my throat started hurting and i raced to the dr with throat cancer fears, was diagnosed with all sorts from acid to smoking too much and the antibiotics prescriped where for viral infections. I went back to the dr 6 times still to no avail and they wouldnt send me to ent but done full bloods which came back normal. I referred myself to ent at a cost of £190 later for a scope and nothing was found, i was diagnosed with Globus. I still did not believe the proffesor of ent and with breathing difficulties for which the dr said i havent any as oxygen was fine and lings are clear it became apparent to me that i might have esophageal cancer so again stricken with panic another 5 trips to the dr whom diagnosed before this acid reflux etc and me nagging i was referred for an upper GI endoscopy. After waiting 4 weeks the endoscopy showed normal and no cancer, you see my fear CANCER!!!!!

My latest episode now is colon cancer as ive had change is bowel habits. Its getting me so down that im crying all the time and too scared to go to the loo incase i see blood or it doesnt look normal. Im willing to pay thousands myself now to get a colonoscopy........but also i do home blood tests and i did one 3 weeks ago and it should my red bloods cells are too big but everything fine. Went to the dr and he wasnt concerned!!!! ????

In my mind i have colon cancer and im struggling to sleep but also fuzzy headed now since that blood result!

What do i do please?????!! Its ruling my life so badly im struggling to get through a day!!!

Dr has sent me for CBT but havent been yet as waiting list is like 3 months! I feel so down and to the point that its not worth living like this but i dont want to die from cancer!

Im so scared, anxious, tearful, angry and i get married in 3 months but my concentration is so on my health of colon cancer now that nothing on my part has been sorted the way i want for my big day, this is soul destroying me!

Thanks to all that can help me

IM SO AFRAID.

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  • Posted

    Hi Kay, sounds to me that you have IBS, which often comes along with anxiety. You won't feel anything if it would be cancer. Coloncancer comes silently. Be patient. Laugh, sing, dance and love!

    Regards

    AJ

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  • Posted

    You don't wan't to die from cancer?  All your tests were clear, weren't they?  You're senselessly worrying yourself about something that does not exist outside of your vivid imagination. Throwing yourself into a panic and "watching" your body for any "signs" you think might be cancer related. No wonder you're in a state of anxiety!

    First it became "apparent to you that you have cancer of the esophageous. When this was proved unfounded you then decided you have colon cancer?

    You decide to do a home blood test?

    You're creating unnecessary fear in yourself..and all for nothing! You do not have cancer. You cannot live a life fearing you might get cancer either. That's no way to live.

    Having said that Anxiety Disorder is a beast to come to terms with. Accepting it is that and not some life threatening illness is the first step to recovery. Many AD sufferers are convinced the GP got it wrong! The tests were faulty! They medical team missed something!

    We've all been there honeysmile It's not just you.

    The only way you will overcome this is to accept the findings of the GP and the tests. The only way to overcome this is to accept what you do have, which is AD, and not what you don't have!

    So dry your eyes, smile, keep busy, look forward to your big day!

    Be happy! I wish you well.

     

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    • Posted

      Hello

      Thanks for your reply. Ive had tests for esophageal and stomach cancer but not colon cancer like a colonoscopy, its so hard to live like this.

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    • Posted

      Sorry i forgot to add that the home test was a blood count and it came back that my cells are too big which could be b12 deficiency so im thinking with this change in toilet manners and this blood count that a tumor could be causing this!!

      Im petrified

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    • Posted

      Sweetie, alternating bowel habits are common in AD. Please, please calm down. If it's B12 deficiency ( my sister has that ) it's easily remedied. I know it's horrible when you're frightened but you have nothing to be frightened of.

      You're panicking. Panic is horrid. Do something to occupy your mind and body, even if you don't feel like it. Try to divert yourself. Sitting crying will enforce your fears

      You are safe smile Nothing bad is going to happen to you

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    • Posted

      Hi again

      I probably know they are but a colonoscopy will rule it out if i have cancer, im willing to pay thousands privately to make sure.

      This is awful for me i need reassurance all the time. Its so destroying my mind. I think of it continuously. If someone says to me "lets arrange something for next month" ill decline for the fear of what i might have

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    • Posted

      Do you see what you're doing dear? On the one hand you'd pay thousands for a colonscopy yet on the other hand you wouldn't dare go for fear of what you might have

      You're in panic mode. You do not have cancer. If there was a single notion in the GP's head that you had cancer in any shape, manner or form he'd arrange immediate testing.

      You have to get rid of this cancer fixation

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    • Posted

      Hello Helen

      I really do not know how to. I cant work as im googling symptoms all the time. The worst was today, i read a story of a woman my age that was diagnosed with ibs and 6 months later she had cc what makes me different to her?

      Im a very fixated with cancer from Jan to now ive had symptoms of 4 forms of cancer and now this hits me, can health anxiety make you tired? I just want to lay down all the time and not talk to anyone.

      Sorry for rambling on .....

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    • Posted

      What makes her different? What happened to her was a one in a billion chance. That's what makes her different. And yes, anxiety does cause immense weariness

      But, your greater problem is your cancer fixation. It's as though you desperately want to prove you have it as opposed to not having it.

      You cannot work because you're googling symptoms? Only you can change that. Only you can take responsibility for your actions.  There is only so much those on the Forum can do for you. They can lead you to the right path. But it is you who must walk along it.

      Perhaps you need to see the GP for anxiety medication? But most of all you need to help yourself because others cannot help you if you don't make the effort.

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Kay,

    I too an suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks. Mine are also health related, and specifically cancer. I have been to the emergency room and my primary doctor, all blood tests are good, lung x-rays clear, and good EKG. I have been told by both the emergency room doctors and my doctor that I am a very healthy woman. Even being a smoker, I am healthy. Which I am in the process of quitting becuase I need to at least eliminate the one negative health concern I have created for myself. 

    This forum has been a tremendous help in assisting with acceptance of AD and the symptoms. What I have learned here is that you must accept the symptoms (fear, palpitations, chest pain, tremors, sore throat, difficulty sleeping, dizzy, etc.) as confirmation of your AD. You have to learn that when you feel these things, that it is JUST YOUR AD and nothing more, nothing less. 

    Since finding this forum, I have started the journey of doing just that. When my chest hurts, and my heart races, or I feel shakey... I say, "that's my anxiety." It has really helped me. 

    Also, I went back to my doctors for a follow up on Friday, and we changed my medicine. We went to 100mg of Zoloft, and .05mg of Klonopin. I have found that the Klonopin is exactly what I needed for the calming effect. I think the medicine is finally starting to work. Are you currently taking any anti-anziety medicine?

     

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    • Posted

      Hi

      Thanks for your reply.

      Its such a vicious circle, i wake up thinking of my colon, i mean really?! All my spare time is dealt with by researching for colon cancer. The biggest thing forme is the change in habit and that a warning sign to me BIG time!

      My Dr refuses to give me meds as he says it takes 6 weeks to work and the fact i need counselling but im really struggling here, i cry every day worried i have a tumor in my colon now and fear going to the loo.

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    • Posted

      Honey, you have to stop googling cancer symptoms! You're frightening yourself.  If you start googling symptoms you'll start thinking you have every ill known to man or beast

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