Just need someone to talk to

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Hi all

Massive anxiety sufferer here, im at my lowest today and need someone to listen to me.

Ive had health anxiety to years now but its at its ultimate peak since January this year but before this to put things into perspective ive been fobbed off 3 times by doctors in the past and nearly died on both occassions

In Jan it started with a cough so being a smoker it raised alarm bells of lung cancer, in 35 by the way. Xray was done and it was normal. Then my throat started hurting and i raced to the dr with throat cancer fears, was diagnosed with all sorts from acid to smoking too much and the antibiotics prescriped where for viral infections. I went back to the dr 6 times still to no avail and they wouldnt send me to ent but done full bloods which came back normal. I referred myself to ent at a cost of £190 later for a scope and nothing was found, i was diagnosed with Globus. I still did not believe the proffesor of ent and with breathing difficulties for which the dr said i havent any as oxygen was fine and lings are clear it became apparent to me that i might have esophageal cancer so again stricken with panic another 5 trips to the dr whom diagnosed before this acid reflux etc and me nagging i was referred for an upper GI endoscopy. After waiting 4 weeks the endoscopy showed normal and no cancer, you see my fear CANCER!!!!!

My latest episode now is colon cancer as ive had change is bowel habits. Its getting me so down that im crying all the time and too scared to go to the loo incase i see blood or it doesnt look normal. Im willing to pay thousands myself now to get a colonoscopy........but also i do home blood tests and i did one 3 weeks ago and it should my red bloods cells are too big but everything fine. Went to the dr and he wasnt concerned!!!! ????

In my mind i have colon cancer and im struggling to sleep but also fuzzy headed now since that blood result!

What do i do please?????!! Its ruling my life so badly im struggling to get through a day!!!

Dr has sent me for CBT but havent been yet as waiting list is like 3 months! I feel so down and to the point that its not worth living like this but i dont want to die from cancer!

Im so scared, anxious, tearful, angry and i get married in 3 months but my concentration is so on my health of colon cancer now that nothing on my part has been sorted the way i want for my big day, this is soul destroying me!

Thanks to all that can help me

IM SO AFRAID.

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  • Posted

    Hi kay i do really think you need to see a doctor about medication i too sufger with twrrible health anxiety and when its not that something else to worry about i went to my doctors 2 weeks ago and he pescribed me sertraline even though tho the first week my anxiety peeked my partner said he has noticed a change in me in the last couple of days (probably because ive done some housework when im fixated on something that is all my mind is on housework suffers work suffers etc i dont know if your the same) it does take up to 6 weeks to work properly but isnt that your decision not the doctors ☺
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  • Posted

    I am terrified of cancer too. I had to stop googling because it became an obsession. Look up anything and one of the first results is cancer. I had a skin tag in a private place. I didn't know what it was at first so I Googled bump on "vag area" and guess what came up.... Vulvar cancer. Huh? You can get cancer there? My point is that cancer is always listed. It is horrible! My bowel habits changed for a while. I freaked out and read that bowel habits can change from time to time. How long has it been going on?

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    • Posted

      Hi

      Thanks for your reply.

      Its a weird one this. My partner and i both feel ill for the last week or so now and toilet issues for about 2 weeks after. Just alternating, from normal to soft to hard and cant go. We both feel lethargic and my eye lids feel to heavy for my eyes. Eyes are blood shot and skin is pale. We went to the dr on Fri and he thinks its campylobater infection but surely thats diorrehea......

      For instance Fri it was fine all normal, sat it was soft but little blobs and sunday but lst night its just not coming out and this morning but im eating and drinking. We both feel rubbish! Im just constipated and he is going like 4 times a day!!!

      My mind is in over drive. Both have bowel cancer at the same time!?!?

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    • Posted

      I would say that would be a major, unlikely coincidence! When I get sick or if anything is wrong and someone I live with or am close to has the same thing.... It gives me comfort because I know it's not just me. Therefore it can't be cancer! Obviously cancer is not contagious but infections etc.... are. Even though both if you do not feel 100% I would think this would be a great sign that you do not have cancer!!!!!!

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    • Posted

      I know but the voice inside my head says constipation is more likely for cancer instead of normal but often like he is.

      Im so anxious my brain is fuzzy!!!

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    • Posted

      I definitely understand. Anxiety is the worst and it makes us irrational. Seriously think about what you are saying. You and your partner both have the same type of cancer at the same time. The doctor is not concerned. I know doctors can be wrong. However, I truly feel the doctor would do something if there was cause for concern. I understand wanting to find our if there is something wrong. But.... When you pay for tests and you don't have Colin cancer you are going to think you have another form of cancer. The cycle is never ending. Are you under any other stress that could have triggered this?

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    • Posted

      Hi

      Not sure if you have read my post but it started in Jan of this year with a cough which ended up in numerous tests, then throat cancer fear which again tests done then esophagus cancer fear then stomach cancer, had a scope into my stomach a month ago and now this, its like a flick. I had a few days where my poop was mushy like mud and ever since then its now full blown alternating movements coupled with the fact that he is not feeling great too is this just sheer coincedence. Could he have a bug and me the dreaded C!! Arrrghh going out if my mind.......

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    • Posted

      Yes. I read your post. smile. From my understanding you had a cough which led to a throat cancer scare which lead to an esophagus cancer scare which led to a stomach cancer scare which has now led to a colon cancer scare. What happened with the cough that started this whole thing? I can tell you that my toilet habits change when I have anxiety. My coworker bought me a book called "What is your poo telling you" because I was so obsessed with my toilet habits. One day is was a different color, the next it was thin, the next it was different etc..... Recently I couldn't feel it when I would go. It looked thinner than usual so I started googling and freaked out! This happened two weeks ago but I freak out about this stuff all of the time. A few years ago my son had the stomach flu and I checked his poo for a year! A whole year! I called the nurse line because his poo was green and I hyperventilated on the phone. It's hard. I deal with anxiety every day. I think your anxiety is changing your toilet habits. That's what my doctor told me. I didn't believe her until I started to deal with my anxiety and the problems went away. I am not saying your aren't trying to deal with it. Anxiety releases adrenaline and adrenaline affects your gut. Do you ever get a rush of adrenaline from anxiety and immediately have to go to the toilet? If you are anxious every day you toilet habits will change. I know you have been anxious since January so why would it change now.... Right? Reading about health anxiety helps me understand the way I think. Maybe it would help a little. It's hard because you worry every time you "go". Then when it's different your mind races trying to figure out what it is thus causing adrenaline which affects your digestion etc..... Have you talked to someone about anxiety meds? You may have mentioned it. Sorry..... Wish I knew how to make you feel better.

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    • Posted

      Hi again

      You sound just like me, i now have a phobia of going to the loo its crazy! Too scared to go as i analyze the shape, colour and texture!!!

      When we went to the dr he asked for stool samples, ive just done mine and now really scared in case they find traces of blood!! I will literally lock myself up if his comes back with a parasite and not mine!!

      Our symptoms are the same in terms of lethargy, tiredness, heavy eyes but not poo!! Surely we cant have the same thing?! Maybe mine is caused by something dreaded and he actually has a virus......

      Im so scared its driving me insane!!! Can anxiety cause constipation?

      Thanks for listening......

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    • Posted

      I truly understand what you are going through. Anxiety takes your mind to crazy places. If you have the same symptoms then if he has a parasite you will too! Anxiety does cause constipation! I would normally say don't Google but Google "does anxiety cause constipation ". I just Googled it and it sure does!

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    • Posted

      Hi again

      It does you right. Its just hard like today went three times but just hard ones lol. What a conversation!!

      My partner is not hungry and just feeling rubbish like me but im hungry and eating so we varying but he says everyones body is different the way it handles things........

      Im petrified if they find blood in my sample!!

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    • Posted

      Lol.... I have these conversations with my friends quite often. Your partner is right! A few months ago my older son threw up in the middle of the night and had a stomach ache. Two days later my younger son said his stomach hurt and he was in bed all day but didn't throw up. I also got sick with a fever and I was in bed with stomach issues for two days. We were all sick but our symptoms were different. Not drastically different but I have to believe we had the same thing. It just affected us in different ways. When will you get your results ?

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    • Posted

      Thing for me is stomach issues like virus or bacteria cause diarrohea and not constipation.

      Well i gave them in today so dr said 48 hours. Freaking out about the blood thing though, im wondering if they test for that or just parasites?

      Are you in the Uk?

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    • Posted

      I was using our situation as an example. Not saying that was your issue. smile. 48 hours may seem like a long time but it could be worse. It could be 2 weeks. I understand your concern but I honestly think your anxiety is a contributing factor.

      No, I am is the United States. I joined this forum because I was panicking and needed to reach out. I realized it was based in the UK when I registered because it asked for a UK zip code. I like it so I didn't think it would make a difference. We definitely don't refer to things the way you do. Luke we don't say loo or mum etc..... That was another indication this was a UK forum.

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    • Posted

      Hi again

      Haha! I meant in my head if i think about it logically gut parasites would cause loose stools which i had fri and sat morning but then straight back to hard...... My partner says its my anxiety clogging me up, obviously i do not believe him!

      I hope some result is in tomorrow. Just want to forget about this and move on with my life!

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    • Posted

      So when the results come back and you are fine.... do you think you will have peace of mind and no anxiety? smile. Maybe you have a parasite and it caused loose stools then you became super anxious which caused the constipation? I truly believe you do not have cancer. smile

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    • Posted

      I am truely hoping so although the stool test will not rule out cancer. It started as fluffy then mud like and messy then small loose episodes then hard ones im like wtf!!

      This is so hard for me its making me so tired. Ive bitten all my finger nails off and my initial throat symptoms have got worse like the pulling closed up stuck feeling, this is hideous, im a wreck and im more emotional as ive begun my lady cycle today so im super sensitive and tearful!

      Im so sorry to burden you with my problems i dont even know you, you must think im a nutcase!!!

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    • Posted

      I definitely don't think you are a but case! I go through episodes where I basically melt down for days..... Even weeks. I have thought I have had cancer on many occasions. If the slightest thing is abnormal I freak out and think I have cancer. I may have overlooked this but how long has this been going on? I think you may have said 2 weeks. Have you had a fever? The lady cycle makes my anxiety 10 times worse. I can barely function. Have you had any major medical issues? I don't mind listening. I understand what you are going through.

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    • Posted

      To be honest with you the mushy ones started a while ago when all the other stuff was going on if i remember correctly but so much has been happening like the scopes in my throat and stuff ive lost track really bit probably longer than 2 weeks as its changed from day to day.

      No fever but the shakes in the morning and the pale skin more so now than ever before, feels like ive been swung by a carousel its that nauseous off balance feeling, i feel fine then a drop in mood and what feels like sugar levels!

      Ive had my fair share of medical issues, all life threating and all of them were incorrectly diagnosed!

      Gallstones - was misdiagnosed for a year as a peptic ulcer. Turned out my gallbladder was so diseased that it was intoxicating my body and 12 gallstones the size of marbles were removed, i was 19

      DVT - again misdiagnosed as torn calf muscle for 4 months until the day i passed out, my leg the size of a tree trunk that i had 5 massive clots in my leg and they were in my groin ready to pass to the heart. Leg nearly amputated, i was 16. Im now on life warfarin. Ive had 2 episodes of clots in the lungs too and 7 more DVT's whilst on warfarin, right now its manageable.

      Pneumonia - misdiagnosed as broken rib. Stayed with it for a week till i got rushed to emergency as couldnt breathe - took xray and i had it in both lungs and wuite severely too.

      Now you see why im so anxious and trust no doctor and the fact that my health anxiety is the worst its ever been!

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    • Posted

      I can definitely see why you don't trust doctors! That is a lot for one person to go through. Your symptoms seem anxiety related. You said it started when the other stuff was going on. I am assuming you were anxious. Obviously I am not a doctor but i know anxiety can cause symptoms that you describe. What does your partner say?

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    • Posted

      Hi again

      What a night.....couldnt sleep......probably have had 5 hours sleep (if that), my partner has been vomiting and stomach ache, I just feel sick and they are loose this morning...... maybe that is from the lack of sleep!

      I am so over this now........not sure if it is stress, anxiety or a severe issue I have to deal with!

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    • Posted

      Sorry have not answered your other questions.

      Yes anxious since January when  I thought I had lung cancer.....but took very little notice of the toilet habits.........

      THIS IS RIDICULOUS....I feel so abnormal!

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    • Posted

      I feel like the anxious brain is constantly looking for something wrong. It's a vicious cycle. My coworkers insists I always need something to worry about. Remember you won't always have specific anxiety symptoms so the toilet habits may not always change but anxiety feeds the symptoms. Someone told me to stop "feeding " it. Easy for people without anxiety to say. Maybe you have a parasite like your partner and the anxiety is feeding it. About a month ago my sons father stopped talking to me. He ignored my texts and emails. I was so focused on that situation that I didn't have health anxiety nor did I have symptoms. It goes to show how powerful the mind is. Once everything was OK.... The anxiety came back!!!!!

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    • Posted

      Hi again

      I know what you mean, I just feel so fuzzed and spaced out cant think of anything else.....

      When this stomach ache started I did a home blood test that tested my Haemaglobin, White cell count, Platelets & size of red cells. Everything came back in the normal range apart from the size of my red cells which were too big, been researching this and it seems to be called Macrocytosis meaning a deficiency in B12 or Folate. I researched some more and noticed that if the red cells are too big including the Hb too low it means anemia but mine are in the normal range meaning its not anemia....... if the cells were too small it would be microcytosis which indicates bleeding.......can you see how obsessed I am??? Also if i had a paraside the White cells that fight infection would be raised and they werent.....its all so confusing....

      Have you got a private messaging facility? Everyone can read my craziness on here.......

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    • Posted

      Hi again

      I have just been sitting here thinking that I have started to include Live cultured Yogurt into my diet which I read is full of protein and is good bacteria which can fight off bad bacteria.....could this be the cause of my recent constipation? Also, been eating more bread, apples and bananas.....together with Fiber breakfast bars every day....

      Just a thought?

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    • Posted

      I am the same way. Last night I freaked out because I was thinking about how, I would tell my kids I was dying if I had cancer. sad

      How do I sign up for private messaging?

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    • Posted

      That makes sense. Is it helping? Anxiety seriously causes issues that you talk about. Have you tried taking B12?
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    • Posted

      Helping? Yes causing constipation lol. Well im trying to guess everything here

      I dont think there is a private messaging service on here

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    • Posted

      Omg!!! I get married in 3 months and now im thinking shall i postpone the wedding as if im told i have it!!
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    • Posted

      Noooo! Don't do that! Do you have anxiety about the wedding? Could that be contributing to your anxiety?

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    • Posted

      No I do not think so but as soon as I got the results from theat blinking home test showing enlarged blood cells and given the fact that all the anxiety of the previous ecncounters since January the stomach pain started and the feeling of complete darkness in my mind has consumed my life.......

      I HATE waiting for results its like my life is hanging on a darn thread!!!!

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    • Posted

      HI Claire, not sure this is your name, so forgive me

      Look what I found online

      Macrocytosis Symptoms (larger red blood cells with near to normal Haemaglobin)

      The symptoms of macrocytosis depend on the mildness or severity of the condition. Some of the most common symptoms of macrocytosis include fatigue, feebleness, and lack of concentration, dizziness, digestive problems, pallor, and breathing problems. One may also exhibit diarrhoea and constipation, bleeding gums, and swollen tongues in case of this condition.

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    • Posted

      Sorry I haven't responded. I have a bit of anxiety myself. I just started a new post because of it. Anyway, so what is the solution for that? Do you take medicine? I am assuming it's not life threatening. smile. Does it give you any relief? Have you heard from the doctor? Sorry for all of the questions. smile

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    • Posted

      Whats happening? My partner is feeling alot better and to be fair so am i. Im gathering to go to the dr again and explain the symptoms if he doesnt want to send me for a scan ill pay privately, either way this wont go unless someone looks and doesnthe various tests!

      Macrocytosis is b12 or folate deficiency which can apparently cause bowel movement changes, will investigate further, and ill tell the dr too.

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    • Posted

      Yay! You are feeling better. That's great! Don't you think if it we're cancer you wouldn't feel better? I will send you what I posted.

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    • Posted

      So, three or four years ago I started to have pain in my stomach. I didn't realize the stomach is located just under the left rib cage. I noticed I would get bloated and have the dull tingling pain when I would eat too much. My doctor told me if I lost weight the pain would go away. So.... I lost weight and the pain went away completely. No discomfort, no bloating.... Nothing. Well, I managed to gain the weight back and then some..... Now, the pain and discomfort is back. I noticed it's worse if I eat a lot of carbohydrates. If I eat whole wheat pasta I don't have discomfort unless I eat too much but if I have regular pasta it starts almost immediately. For some reason I started freaking out about it today. I keep telling myself that I went to the doctor years ago and the pain went away when I lost weight. Just like the doctor said. I am telling myself that if it was serious like cancer I would be in bad shape by now. I just need someone to tell me I am being irrational. I don't have any new symptoms. They are the same as when I was heavy before. I struggle with stress eating and food makes me feel better when I am stressed or have high anxiety. Any thoughts? Thank you.

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    • Posted

      Results are back and they normal. What in earth was that then?!?!?!?! Partners results cant be seen he needs to call as he has no access to his records like i do

      Got your other message. Going out but will read later

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    • Posted

      Yay! That's a relief! Do you still think you may have cancer? I would think your test would be abnormal if you did! Do you feel better emotionally? You are fine! smile

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    • Posted

      Hi Claire

      Sorry not responded.....but I have freaking news!!! My partners results have come back normal.........HOW FREAKY.......we both have no infection. We have not a clue what can be causing these symptoms....

      I read your post and please do not be scared, you are right if the pain went after you took the dr's advice then it was the weight.....nothing more.....no cancer.......i am still conviced I have bowel cancer and will be going back to the dr but you have a logical explaination as to why the pain has come back....maybe your stomach does not like gluten i.e. normal pasta too?

      Let me know how you are.....I am at a loss!

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    • Posted

      Weird! Are you both feeling better? Obviously it wasn't a parasite. Could it have been something that passed?

      I truly believe you are ok. Wouldnt something be abnormal if you had cancer?

      I am ok. Better today. I am so uncomfortable though. I am going to start walking and eating better. I am so stressed these days. How are you feeling today?

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    • Posted

      Claire

      hello, sorry I did not realise that you messaged me and only seen your messages! Sorry for not responding!!

      Well.....I am skeptical, my partner was suffering on Saturday, hardly ate or drank and complained of stomach pain, yesterday he was fine.....yesterday I wake up and my stomach is paining and this morning whilst I type this it is painful....just cramping all the time like I have eaten something off.....

      Do you think the tests they did on the stool checked for blood? I want to still go for the colonoscopy and further investigate and my poop this morning is now like mush and normal together........I am so sick of this worrying.....

      How are you?

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    • Posted

      Hi there! I would definitely think they would test for blood. I thunk it would be weird if they didn't. Blood in your stool is an indicator of a lot of things so I would think they would check. So you aren't feeling any better?

      I have had to take my xanax over the last few days. I keep worrying about random pains. As you know it's exhausting!

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    • Posted

      I wish I had something to take I really do........my partner is now saying he feels sick again, I really cannot take anymore!

      Its making me so tired....

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    • Posted

      Very bad day today. Woke up with pain on my left side of upper stomach and passed yellow watery stools. Went to emergency and they said it sounds like IBD OR IBS, need to go back to my dr tomorrow...... Seriously freaked out now!!!! Head hurts and the anxiety is making my stomach worse...... sad.

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    • Posted

      I feel like when my anxiety is high I have stomach /bowel problems. I am not discounting what you are saying but anxiety causes adrenaline and it messes with your digestive system and your bowels. Have you had any anxiety relief at all? It takes a toll on your body after a while.
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    • Posted

      How are you feeling?

      I have doubt that anxiety can cause yellowish poop.... What do u think? I asked the dr at emergency if the stool samples the dr ordered would have tested for blood and he said yes and it would check for infections.

      No anxiety relief, i wake up and think about it and go sleep and think about it. The discomfort is now on my left upper flank on the side of my waist.

      I wish i was ok!

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    • Posted

      Yellow poop is when the waste passes through too quickly. It doesn't have time to turn brown. Anxiety and adrenaline will cause you to go more and oysh it through faster. It happens to me. I really think because your stool sample was OK it's anxiety.

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    • Posted

      Hi Claire

      Thanks for replying, hoping you are ok, I have booked a private appointment with a gastro doctor and hopefully do a colonoscopy to see what is going on, its still watery and my stomach aches. Need a referral from my GP so will see him tomorrow as I know he will not refer me!

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    • Posted

      MAJOR PANIC.

      Weighed myself and ive lost 4lbs in 2 weeks!!!!! Im crying and so scared Claire! I know this is cancer, i just know it

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    • Posted

      OK I have been there before. I had stomach/ bowel issues and I lost weight. I freaked out too. I seriously thought I had cancer. Then I started to eat a lot and gained it back. What have you been eating?
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    • Posted

      I cant think i dont think ive been eating less to be honest or i may have been im really not sure, i know i used to snack in the evenings but i havent done for a couple of weeks now but thats the only thing i can think of to be honest, im seriously freaking out! 4lbs in 2 weeks is alot!
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    • Posted

      I understand why you are scared. I would say try eating more. Maybe the anxiety and bowel issues are causing it. Bowel issues can be a result of anxiety. I feel if you had cancer your stool wouldn't be normal. Plus, my friend has a friend with colon cancer. She said he didn't go to the bathroom for a month. The growth caused an obstruction.

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    • Posted

      Im seeing ghe dr tomorrow going to tell him about the weight loss see what he says he wont refer me ill refee myself and ask for a referral letter, im so scared, not eaten a thing today.
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    • Posted

      Claire

      How are you? Hope you OK, things have not improved and I have lost more weight, going for a colonoscopy on Friday, literally sh****g myself...........cant take anymore and need someone to talk to.....

      Hope you get this message!

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    • Posted

      Sorry....I have been dealing with issues with my sister so I haven't been here for a few days.

      How much weight have you lost? Are you eating as much as you used to? How have the bowel habits changed? How is your partner? I am so sorry to hear you are still going through this. What can I do to help?

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    • Posted

      Thats ok, hope all is ok

      Think in total now 6lbs in about 3 weeks...... still not eating as I normally would.

      BM is now a struggle, took some anti diarrhea on Monday and since then I am struggling to go...

      Partner is fine. I just need someone to talk to if you have the time, I am really losing it here, in a complete daze and so petrified I have terminal colon cancer!

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    • Posted

      Just keep in mind you are not eating as you normally would. You are stressed and that can contribute to weight loss. Have you seen a gastroenterologist? It could be something very treatable. It's hard to stop with the what ifs and thinking it's terminal so I am not going to try to say try to stop doing that. I think bexcuse you have had health issues you are very anxious and I definitely understand that. You have the test on Friday correct? Will you know something the same day?

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