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Just need someone to talk to

Posted , 9 users are following.

kay19801
kay19801

Hi all

Massive anxiety sufferer here, im at my lowest today and need someone to listen to me.

Ive had health anxiety to years now but its at its ultimate peak since January this year but before this to put things into perspective ive been fobbed off 3 times by doctors in the past and nearly died on both occassions

In Jan it started with a cough so being a smoker it raised alarm bells of lung cancer, in 35 by the way. Xray was done and it was normal. Then my throat started hurting and i raced to the dr with throat cancer fears, was diagnosed with all sorts from acid to smoking too much and the antibiotics prescriped where for viral infections. I went back to the dr 6 times still to no avail and they wouldnt send me to ent but done full bloods which came back normal. I referred myself to ent at a cost of £190 later for a scope and nothing was found, i was diagnosed with Globus. I still did not believe the proffesor of ent and with breathing difficulties for which the dr said i havent any as oxygen was fine and lings are clear it became apparent to me that i might have esophageal cancer so again stricken with panic another 5 trips to the dr whom diagnosed before this acid reflux etc and me nagging i was referred for an upper GI endoscopy. After waiting 4 weeks the endoscopy showed normal and no cancer, you see my fear CANCER!!!!!

My latest episode now is colon cancer as ive had change is bowel habits. Its getting me so down that im crying all the time and too scared to go to the loo incase i see blood or it doesnt look normal. Im willing to pay thousands myself now to get a colonoscopy........but also i do home blood tests and i did one 3 weeks ago and it should my red bloods cells are too big but everything fine. Went to the dr and he wasnt concerned!!!! ????

In my mind i have colon cancer and im struggling to sleep but also fuzzy headed now since that blood result!

What do i do please?????!! Its ruling my life so badly im struggling to get through a day!!!

Dr has sent me for CBT but havent been yet as waiting list is like 3 months! I feel so down and to the point that its not worth living like this but i dont want to die from cancer!

Im so scared, anxious, tearful, angry and i get married in 3 months but my concentration is so on my health of colon cancer now that nothing on my part has been sorted the way i want for my big day, this is soul destroying me!

Thanks to all that can help me

IM SO AFRAID.

1 like, 109 replies

109 Replies

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  • AJ97592
    AJ97592 kay19801

    Posted

    Try CBT. It's very useful I wouldn't give it the time of day to begin with but it works. I dont think drugs are the answer. Your panicking is due to the "flight of fight response". If you really understand it, you will understand why you are panicking. I thought I had something wrong at the beginning but it goes away.

  • Tip
    Tip kay19801

    Posted

    Yes, I find myself feeling that everything is wrong with me too. I had a female infection, took meds for it but believe something is still wrong. At times, it consumes me.

    ?I do a lot of self-talking and I do some journaling. I get out all my angst hoping the anxiety will subside. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't but I keep trying.

    ?Do you have a support system? You do here on this forum. I have read many posts that resemble my life.

    ?Maybe you should go to a psych and do some tallk therapy. That's what I'm going to do. It's like our minds are fighting against us.

    ?My goal is come on this forum as frequently as I can to share my thoughts and worries. I think you should do the same.

    ?Remember, you are not alone. We are all here for you and share our thoughts with you.

    ?Talk with someone. An objective listener might be just what you need. Hope this message finds you well. Please take care of yourself.

  • ab46486
    ab46486 kay19801

    Posted

    Hi kay,

    I know what you are going through, I suffered with health anxiety since I left school, although I over come the health anxiety I still worry about the silly things, but I too have been put on a waiting list for therapy.. I panicked about cancer all the time, was constantly at the doctors thinking I was dying. The way I coped whether it will be of any help is, when I would start to panic I would try and re focus my mind. Its easier said then done, but stop and listen for 5 sounds. This brings you to the present moment.. I also Got myself thinking that OK if it is worst case then I will deal with it when the time comes, as stressing is doing me no good just keep repeating it to yourself in your head until the panic passes. Guided meditation before sleep is a good one to start as well, plenty of those on YouTube. I hope any of this can help as I know what you are going through

    • kay19801
      kay19801 ab46486

      Posted

      Thank you, I really try but then my stomach starts to do somersaults and I keep thinking how will I cope with it all......

      Its mind wrecking now and I feel so anxious and cannot get out of the this 'world'

    • ab46486
      ab46486 kay19801

      Posted

      I totally understand, but look back at all the times you've worried excessively and you are still here. The worrying wasn't worth it. Take it day by day, and nothing comes over night but adding different techniques will help. And it's always good to talk to other people about it. Gives you a bit of relief and takes your mind away and brings you to the present moment. Always here if you need a chat and let it all out.

    • kay19801
      kay19801 ab46486

      Posted

      Hi 

      Thank you for your message helps alot.....I always think, maybe this is the one that will get me ........messes my head up! Just wish the doctor would get the results and let me know what I have! I had a panic attack in the car this afternoon thinking and obsessing about it, felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest!

    • kay19801
      kay19801 ab46486

      Posted

      Hi there

      Been to the GP and he has ordered a full set of bloods including celiac & C125 test, this is REALLY freaking me OUT now I am REALLY!!!!

      Also, referred me for a colonoscopy to find out what is going on inside.....

      Do not know which I am more scared of the results of the blood tests as if I have iron deficieny anemia it means its cancer or the colonoscopy where they find something......literally scared to the ends of this earth!!!!

    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 kay19801

      Posted

      Did the doctor say what he thought it might be? Iron deficiency anemia can be the result of polyps as well. My aunt had a few removed and she was fine. Have you lost more weight? Has anything changed?
    • kay19801
      kay19801 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Hi Claire

      Dr said the only way to find out is do a colonoscopy and anyone with a change in BM no matter how old should have one. I mentioned CC and he didnt really comment, he listened to my stomach and felt it and said it felt normal.

      I weighed myself last week and it remained the same, next weigh in is tomorrow.......the frequency has calmed down and they are somewhat firmer now.

      I have severe lower back pain though just came on about 4 days ago and peeing alot but not really drinking too much to warrant it....

      I am so scared of the blood results I really do not know what to do anymore...

    • kay19801
      kay19801

      Posted

      ps. forgot to add that my partner is the same with lower back pain but he is going to the loo alot and they are loose.........

      This is doing my nut in.........

    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 kay19801

      Posted

      I sent another comment. I am afraid to go to the doctor because waiting for results is pure torture. I had a major breakdown at work yesterday. I feel like I need to be committed. If I didn't have kids I would probably be in a psych ward. It's hard to not think of the worst case scenario. When is your colonoscopy? When will you get you blood results?

    • kay19801
      kay19801 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Hi again

      I had a breakdown last week, couldnt breathe and just generally panicky....I feel like they should sedate me constantly........this anxiety is causing me to be so scared of everything, I am so jumpy too..

      I will wait for the referral letter to come for the colonoscopy but normally 2 weeks.

      Blood results will be back before Friday so I am dreading the phone call from the Dr telling me the results are abnormal....

      You need to go to the Dr Claire, please........I have plucked the urge up to go to the dr today after a talk to myself and it this is CC then maybe I have caught it early.....

      When he said to me today we need to due blood tests my heart skipped a beat and I mean literally skipped a beat...I thought OH NO......he then said we need to so that the GI dr knows that there is no bleeding or anemia...WELL......... that sent me over the edge......I have had about 10 cigarettes already as i am just panicking like mad...

  • Aclaire41
    Aclaire41 kay19801

    Posted

    Also, I have noticed small amounts of blood when I go to the bathroom. Very small amounts on the toilet paper but nowhere else. It has happened twice in the past two weeks. I am scared to go to the doctor. Everything else seems fine. I have had high anxiety for the last few days. I can't take it anymore!

    • kay19801
      kay19801 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Hi Claire

      How are you doing? I managed to go for a colonoscopy last week and the findings were normal, they did take 5 biopsies....why, who knows, still waiting for the results...

      How are you?

    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 kay19801

      Posted

      I was thinking about you the other day! I am glad they didn't find anything! Are you feeling better? I went to the doctor and she said it was nothing to worry about. Then my arms and legs started to hurt so I went back and I have a vitamin d deficiency which causes muscle pain. I am going tomorrow because I have stomach inflammation but it's hurting more than it usually does. I have gained alot of weight so I am pretty sure if I lose weight it will feel better. When I lost weight before it went away. Now it feels like I have a sore under my skin. My anxiety has been high for almost 2 months. I wonder if it's an ulcer.

    • kay19801
      kay19801 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Hi 

      I thought about you today and wondered how you were, I am ok worried about the biopsy results but then figured what will it help....I have lost 22lbs so far (I literally have changed my diet until last week when I have started to eat alot more), hopefully the weight will return....., my GP has put me on citalopram......I start taking it tomorrow....

      I hope you can get some answers

    • mink6
      mink6 kay19801

      Posted

      Hi, been reading your emails and it just breaks my heart, I know what it feels like to go through HA constantly. I'm almost 45 and think it has ruined my life. I was hospitalized last year due to stomach problems, drinking too much coca cola burnt my stomach, I have diabetes, high blood and this anxiety freaks me out completely. Had 24hr monitor, ecg, blood tests, stress test and angiography, all perfect results. Last week my stomach started paining like some1 punched me. Went to Dr Who did some test and said I have ibs. The pain now on my left side and think I have ovarian cancer. I'm constantly fearful but trying to stay positive, I hope you are doing much better

    • kay19801
      kay19801 mink6

      Posted

      Hi there

      I know what you mean its a constant thing right now, im trying to force myself to believe that ive lost weight due to eating less..... and now waiting for the biopsies results is driving me mad!

    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 kay19801

      Posted

      I understand being worried but the doctor said everything looked fine.....right? I bet he figured he would take biopsies while he was in there because he knows how concerned you are. I feel like you will be ok! And.....if you changed your diet.....you are going to lose weight. When I fear I am losing weight without trying I eat alot for a week. Then check to see if I gained weight. I always do. Do you feel ok otherwise?
    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 mink6

      Posted

      I am having stomach issues right now. I used to take alot of ibuprofen and that is not good for your stomach. I am pre-diabetic and have high BP as well. I also have ibs. I am 42 and overweight. When I lose weight my anxiety pretty much disappears but I am completely addicted to food. I don't know what to do.

    • kay19801
      kay19801 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Yes the report says normal and the nurses said that when the procedure was done the dr said it is a healthy colon, the nurse said they take biopsies 80% of the time to look for a diagnosis if nothing is evident but can also take if he was concerned about an area, but the report would mention this.

      Yes ive started eating normally now and snacking to see if my weight goes up, i get married Saturday so maybe not weigh myself before this so that i dont stress, weigh afterwards.

      I hope you are okay, i am 36 and obese so losing weight is very uncommon for me however i have never dieted for 3 months solid in my life..... im trying to be rational, its hard! If after the honeymoon i have lost more ill go back to the dr and see what he suggests, i can feel a ct scan coming on and more blood work.......

    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 kay19801

      Posted

      I think that is promising! Does the doctor know you have health anxiety? I had blood work done and everything was fine so I guess that's good. My red and white blood count is good.

      Why would you need a CT scan?

    • kay19801
      kay19801 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Just thinking that if i have unintentional weight loss they would need to do a ct scan. I had blood work done 8 weeks ago and all was good, my liver enzyme bilirubin was 1% higher than normal but my gp put it as satisfactory, just hope i can gain weight again or maintain the weight..... and that my biopsies are normal, hold thumbs
    • mink6
      mink6 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Hi, I'm also loosing weight from this stomach issue, hoping it goes away soon, I can't seem to keep a positive mind but trying and I sometimes think that is the problem. My psychologist keeps on saying put your trouble thought I a bubble, relax and send it on its way, well good luck Charlie with that tonight

    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 kay19801

      Posted

      Can I ask why you changed your diet? Are you eating healthier? You lost 22 pounds in 3 months? I lost 40 pounds in 4 months when I went on my diet a few years ago. That is totally reasonable!
    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 mink6

      Posted

      I keep gaining. sad I eat too much and it irritates my stomach. I think at the end of the day I need to eat better. As for putting your troubles in a bubble.....whatever! Health anxiety is awful! Your mind plays tricks on you. You can't just relax it and send it on its way. Where are you from? Do they have floating rooms there? I did it yesterday and I am not nearly as anxious today.

    • kay19801
      kay19801 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Well i reckoned that if i ate less i had a reason for the weight loss..... yeah 22lbs in 11 weeks. So now eating alot to see if i can maintain the weight or gain hopefully not loose more as then there would be something seriously wrong
    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 kay19801

      Posted

      Even though gaining sucks I know how you feel. I bet you will gain a few pounds at least!!!!!
    • mink6
      mink6 Aclaire41

      Posted

      I'm awake and can't sleep again, I'm on zopivane 7.5 mg for sleep and I just can't. I'm from Cape Town and not sure what is a floating room. Think I must go back to Dr and tell him about this stomach keeping me awake, where you from?

    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 mink6

      Posted

      I am in the United states. Look it up. You basically lay in like a foot of water with a ton of Epsom salts. It's amazing and relaxing and the Epsom salts make you float. You don't even have to try. The room can be dark or blue light. Music or no music. It is so relaxing and my anxiety is seriously low today. So your stomach keeps you awake at night? Do you worry alot before you go to sleep?

    • mink6
      mink6 Aclaire41

      Posted

      I feel like I'm constantly worried about something, have to take t kt dentist today, the one is worried about the dentist and I'm trying to calm her, I had a nap now and am wide awake now, I just know it's going to be a bad day

    • Aclaire41
      Aclaire41 mink6

      Posted

      My son went for a check up today. I was so worried there was something wrong with him. He is fine.....is your child worried about the dentist?
    • mink6
      mink6 Aclaire41

      Posted

      Yes she is and this makes me feel so guilty, thinking I'm putting my anxiousness upon my kids, this anxiety sucks big time

    • kay19801
      kay19801 mink6

      Posted

      Im originally from South Africa, small world
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