Just need to switch off these thoughts :(

Hi Dear Fee,

you have obviously suffered greatly, but you didnt deserve to be attacked,raped and robbed no one does and the animal or animals who did it to you will eventually be punished. I dont  know what else to say here other that see if doctor can prescribe anti depressants to help you. Then just take it one day at a time be kind to yourself and try to do something nice for yourself every day.It will take time to heal but you will. You are the victim, not the bad guy.

Hi, fee:  I am so very sorry that you have been through so much, and you are still suffering.  You didn't mention seeing a doctor to get on some good antidepressants...I have had depression/panic attacks my whole life, and I would be up walking the floors while my family slept for years.  Finally, I saw a great psychiatrist who worked with me until she found just the right meds.  I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and had contenplated suicide for years.  I am much better, thank God, but I still have to stick to a rigid schedule of meds, food and sleep to feel good.  Now, I'm getting older and having other physical problems to go along with the depression, so I'm so glad that I found the right doctor.  I hope you will get referrals and pick a doctor who really cares about you.  Most insurances cover that kind of mental health care now.  Wishing you the very best for your furture, sweetie...We are all in this together and we all care...HUGS.

morning Fee, i suffer many similiar things you have mentioened there, as of recently past few months, things are at ease, maybe a mixture of many things along with medication im being prescribed,

also as of recent i have aquired a budgie, an over the past few months have grown a bond, i let him have free flight, an he returns to the cage to sleep at night,

he's very quiet, doesnt disturb me till i wake, lately i have felt such attacks starting to take place, course i flinch an proberly make loud noises whilst im under going this, my budgie has started flying panickly in the dark, which then wakes me up, to assist him, think i'm onto something here

always keep ur GP informed n all the best, when i've needed urgent attension during such attacks, or when i feel they strongly coming, u can dial 999 for immediate attension, hope this helps

Hi Fee

I dont this to sound as if I dont understand, but is it not at all possible for you to move?  Obviously I dont know where you live,but if its the sort of place where people follow you home, then attack and rob you it cant be a decent area? This is speculation - of cours I know it can happen anywhere, but the sad fact is that statistically, it more likely to happen in some places than others. 

I have been raped, and at other times broken into, and it once happened when I had just got out of the bath, so yes it was a very nasty experience. I managed to get my dressing gown on, ran downstairs yelling and the burglars - there were two of them actually just ran off - so I was pretty luckly.

That sort of thing happened several times in that area to me and other people I knew who lived there.  Where I am now its a very rare occurance and its definitely not a particularly well off area.

Have you been to the police, is it at all possible that they could get some fingerprints off this person - they have probably done that sort of thing before.

I not suprised you feel terrible about it. Noone should have to put up with this. Please try to get this person caught, and if you cant move - try to make where you live as safe as possible.

I am so sorry for your situation.  Let me sum up your situation as I read it.  You have been violently attacked, robbed, horribly humilated, and your life and well being was seriously threatened by a predator for no reason, your sense of security is shattered, you are dealing with law enforcement officals who do not want to do their job and would rather humilate you again, a system and society that doesn't care about you and likes to humilate victims like you, your sense of trust in any other human being is shattered beyond repair and all the therapist wants to do is treat you like another sad and depressed person instead of someone that had been deeply violated and had her life threatened and now has PTSD and underlying depression. Both conditions are the 100 stone attacking elephants of mental health, destroying people left and right everyday.   You posting all of this and going on when you want to quit and give up is a testament to your inner strength, not weakness.    You need a therapist that understand what you are dealing with and you may need medication to deal with the brain imbalances such attacks can cause.  If there is anything we can do for you just post here. Try to talk to the people you are losing touch with at least once a week.   Your true friends will stay by your side if you simply let them.  If you keep seeking help and keep on fighting just to live one day you will find your burden lessened and find it easier to press on.  If you haven't done so go to https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/ and you might find help, or at least someone to talk to that has been through what you have been through.

Hi fee, I was also attacked and spiraled greatly into depression and anxiety for 3 years to the point where everything was lost on me.  I was a deep canvas of human feelings, blood and flesh.  I was living in a sad world that was full of broken hearts and torn apart people.  This type of stuff happens though.  And I hope you can be strong for all of us victims and find somthign that makes you happy, have kids to share your deep compassion for others and enjoy who you become.  Patience is important for too, every day is a struggle, especially at the start.  Don't feel ashamed of your pain and honor your stories!

Dearest Fee,

I have insomnia at the moment but I'm sorry I wasn't online last night when you posted - I would have responded sooner. Your words tear me apart because your pain is so raw and the trauma and disrespect you have suffered have made you lose yourself. You didn't deserve what happened to you and they didn't happen to you because of who you are or anything you did. You deserve trauma counselling to help you come to terms - not with the crimes done to you - but with the scars that have been left. Deep down you are still a beautiful, strong lady (I recall not so long ago when you were celebrating your graduation success, a real victory in the face of adversity!) Many friends online celebrated your achievement and were so proud of you. Circumstances have led you to lose sight of that self-worth and it has been turned into self-hatred. I feel the agony of it because I have known it myself. My life is full of regrets and mistakes and hurts and I don't like the person who l see reflected back in the mirror. But I know there is just me to live with and there needs to be self-forgiveness. Not that you have done anything that needs forgiving but you are condemning yourself needlessly. If your friends could be with you now, we would be picking you up and wiping those tears and letting you know how special you are. We can't be there next to you in body but we are here in thought willing you to be able to think differently about yourself. Sometimes the only validation we get is from ourselves (expecting it from others can be a long wait!) I can't understand the horror of what you have been through (although others on here can). Nor can I know the joy that is ahead of you, the experiences that only you can have and the magic that only you can give to the lives of others. We are all unique but pain is the one thing that can unite us. It's sad but we wouldn't have fellowship and know one another's stories unless pain had brought us to this place. We have all been overwhelmed by the pain of what we carry inside ourselves - it seems unbearable at times. That's when we unload those feelings and share from our hearts. We hear you and validate your pain. I pray that your future doesn't involve your having to relive this pain for too much longer. Something needs to break this cycle. As you say yourself, something needs to "switch off" these thoughts. If your counselling isn't helping you towards this goal, I really think you need some different counselling. It's not your fault it isn't working. Could you discuss your situation more with your GP - I feel you could do with more support than you are getting.

Please don't be negative about my friend Fee anymore - she's very special to us :-)

Sending you a BIG hug xx