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Just needing someone to talk with...

Posted , 9 users are following.

rzy6
rzy6

Recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and really just feel like I need to talk to someone whose going through/been through similar as I can't really talk to my family and don't want to pester my friends with my problems as they might not understand and I don't want to be a burden to them.

Any help/advice from anyone, even just someone to talk with about things would be so helpful xx

1 like, 18 replies

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  • rachael57421
    rachael57421 rzy6

    Posted

    hey, i also suffer with depression/anxiety and know how hard it can be. Talking about things will probably help =) Did you get prescribed meds or referred to councilling/therapy when you where diagnosed? If not i find that therapy has helped me a little and i have only been going a few months. Im also on medication and so far i dont feel thats working but i know alot of people find medication does help, so maybe i havent been taking it long enough. It is really hard when you dont have people around you who understand, as mental illness is not something people like to talk about for some reason, and it is hard, but do try and talk to someone you really trust as you may find it helps. Even google depression and look through it together to try and give them a better understanding of how you may actually be feeling. Also, these forums are great because you can hide behind the screen and you have more confidence to say how you feel!! =) (Also could be used as practice for telling someone close how you feel) I hope this helped a bit!! Hope you feel better soon!!

    xx

    • rzy6
      rzy6 rachael57421

      Posted

      Hey, I've been put on fluoxetine and told to see my therapist (how poncy does that sound) more regularly but because I'm at uni in a different city it's difficult to see her, luckily term ends soon so I'll be home and able to see her properly.

      I've explained and confided to one of my close friends and she's said that I can talk to her when ever I need which is nice, but it still feels like if I do talk to her that I'll annoy her and just be a bother and that'll push her away from me. I told her that's how I felt and she told me that it wouldn't happen but I can't help that thought going through my mind.

      Thank you, hope your well xx

    • Hildegard
      Hildegard rzy6

      Posted

      Hi again, just a thought, my son is at Uni and has just started anti-depressants via his GP here at home, we contacted Uni to let them know and they have signed him up for Student support service - a counsellor, study support, gym buddy, liaison with his tutors, and an intro to a campus GP who can monitor his progress and continue his prescriptions.

      I was amazed at just how much help was available but they said its pretty standard at Universities these days, so perhaps you could find out if you can get additional support at your own Uni that way you wouldnt be left without any help whilst your at college?

      BTW it sounds like you have a lovely friend who I am sure is very concerned about you and eager to be whatever help she can be? Its hard for friends of people with depression, they can feel so powerless to be any use, so far from ;pestering, she'd probably be really happy when you confide in her, that she can be of help.

      best wishes and hope you feel better soon 

    • rachael57421
      rachael57421 rzy6

      Posted

      It is hard talking to someone who doesn't suffer with depression/anxiety, beacuase we know that they wont totally understand (no fault of theirs, before i suffered myself i had no idea how horrible it actually is), However if she is offereing an ear i would take it. just explain how you feel, and It may make you feel surprisingly better. Keeping things bottled up will only add to the difficulty of having depression. I cut myself quite alot, and hid it from my boyfirend for months, i made up every excuse in the book for him never to see my body and he ended up (understandably) thinking that he was the problem. I eventually managed to let evereything out and although he was very annoyed and angry and also quite hurt that id do such a stupid thing, he is now very supportive and i dont want to do it as i know how it makes him feel. I am now more confident around him and will even wear short sleeved tops again, which shows my scars, and, although i 100% regret the mess i have made of myself it makes me feel so much better knowing that my boyfriend still loves me and somehow thinks im still beautiful. Sorry to ramble, long story short, talking things out with someone you love and care about will be very hard, but it will make you feel so much better and safer.

      Good luck! x

  • Hildegard
    Hildegard rzy6

    Posted

    Hello there, I have bipolar and im currently in a long stubborn depression. I can absolutely totally relate to your position when you say you cant talk to your family. i know in my case, the fact that i couldnt talk to my family was actually a bit of a red flag to some of the causes of my illness: difficult family relationships are a very common and powerful factor in depression. 

    Its also very sad that we dont feel able to 'pester' our friends with our problems - nobody feel that way about talking about a broken leg, or a horrible infection. But people dont seem to be very sympathetic to mental issues, do they? People have this tendency to make these attempts at helpful comments, like, 'why not have a night out/holiday/shopping spree/nice hot bath/herbal tea...' or they tell you about how sad they were when they fell out with their boss or their favourite band split up. They make these 'concerned' faces but change the subect after 2 minutes....

    I find reading very helpful when my illness permits, and some people swear by exercise. Are you on any meds, or having any sort of counselling or therapy at all? Sometimes your local CMHT organise support groups or group therapy sessions, or walk and talk groups where you can get out and have a nice gentle walk with people who suffer from the same condition - i know with anxiety it can make you very isolated and scared to go out alone...

    Anything you need to know, or advice, just someone to listen to how you feel - myself and lots of other lovely people on this site are always happy to reply or private message if you prefer. Dont worry about 'pestering' - we need to help each other! Take good care of yourself and let us know how you get on x 

    • rzy6
      rzy6 Hildegard

      Posted

      Hey, yeah I've had a lot of family problems in the past and that's how I first started being a bit weird - that's a whole different story. But I can't really talk to any of them as I don't want to 'tarnish' my younger sister who I'm so close with, but can't talk to my mum because she's already got so much on her plate with my dads illness which means  also can't talk to him.

      My mum is a whole other topic on top of this because when I'm home I cannot stand her, yet when I'm away during term time for uni I miss her so much and can't wait to be home. It's like I cant win. And there are somethings that she says that feel kind of snidy, like purposeful digs at me for feeling like this which make me feel awful and worse but if ever I say something we argue and I can't bare it.

      I find exercise very helpful but with uni work at the moment, I have no time to do anything other than my gymnastics class on a Wednesday. I'm trying to get back into jogging as its free and I can do it whenever I need, and for how long I want.

      They've given me fluoxetine and I'm seeing a therapist that did r family counselling years ago. But being at uni in a different city makes it hard to see her during term time.

      Thank you xx

    • Hildegard
      Hildegard rzy6

      Posted

      can totally relate to your ambiguous, conflicted feelings toward your family, and it sounds like the whole family has lots of different issues going on right now. I too have a younger sister and from the word go, she was the perfect angel whilst I was the devil child. I mean from like age 3, i just got labelled. I am now 44 and the ramifications of these dynamics still cause immense difficulties.

      May i recommend a very helpful book for sorting out your feelings around family stuff? Its by Oliver James, and its called 'They F@#k You Up' (the titles taken from the poem This Be the Verse by Larkin). However its not about blame: its just about coming to an understanding of the factors involved in your personality and illness, and the science behind them. I know you've already got a lot of reading to do for your course - but maybe it could be a project for the summer hols? Theres lots of exercises to help you analyse your feelings  -so you can clarify exactly why you both love and hate your mother, for example.

      I found it absolutely life-changing and it actually helped improve my relationships because I no longer felt confused about how I felt, pllus it helps you realise that parents have their own trauma  too.

      Best wishes and hope things improve soon x

  • richy2
    richy2 rzy6

    Posted

    Hi, I've just been diagnosed recently too - 4 days ago. To be honest its hit me hard I've always been in control and now feel out of control. I've been suffering with poor sleep for a few months as I was worried about my health (turns out there is nothing wrong with me) which morphed into worries about my sleep which made it hard to sleep!

    i saw a doc and he diagnosed me with depression and prescribed me mirtazapine 15mg. I'm signed off work too which I'm regretting and I don't like being on meds as it reinforces something IS wrong with me. I want to solve this with mindful meditation but its hard to stay in the moment while worried about what people will think at work and how I got myself into this situation!

    If anyone has advice/experience of this I would be grateful. Struggling to be positive at the moment.

    • Hildegard
      Hildegard richy2

      Posted

      I can so sympathise with your struggles to compute what is happening. A lot of that comes from the messages we get from others that lead us to beleive if we just 'tried harder' or 'pulled our socks up' we'd be OK.

      Took me a VERY long time (over 2 decades!) to realise: depression really, truly is an ILLNESS. Nobody would suggest that a diabetic could stay well by 'thinking positive', or that an epilepsy sufferer could treat their illness with self-help books or meditation or yoga, etc.

      Mirtazipine is an excellent anti-depressant which has, quite literally, saved my life. Never forget, depression has a mortality rate: we have to take it seriously. You deserve to get better, and mirtazipine should have you feeling very, very much better within a couple of months. 

      Its horrible having to stop work, but I would say youve been very sensible to do so. Can tell you so many horror stories of jobs/relationships ending messily cos I was too stubborn to admit I was ill. Kept putting on that brave face, couldnt see how poorly I had become. So well done on taking that brave decision. You need rest, peace and quiet. I would also distance yourself from anyone who makes you feel that depression is an excuse or your fault or that taking meds is a bad idea. I find some solitude very helpful when I start a new course of meds, It stops me being confused by other people. 

      Best wishes for a full recovery x

  • danielca233
    danielca233 rzy6

    Posted

    Hi there,

    Your story sounds so similar to mine. I feel i've been battling depression for a long time, although I only had the courage to go and see my doctor 3 weeks ago. I've subsequently been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I have never felt more alone and useless. My wife doesnt understand what Im going through and she feels I have pushed her away becuase of how I have been feeling (which is severely adding to my depression and anxiety). I don't have any close friends I can confide in how im feeling as im scared theyll think im a freak.

    Ive been prescribed citalopram, however im yet to see any effects to it yet, Im also awaiting a consultation for CBT counselling.

    Everything at the moment just seems like a struggle.

    i know we're not alone, it just feels like that a lot of the time.

    D x

    • catherine31973
      catherine31973 danielca233

      Posted

      Hi Daniel  I have had serious bouts of depression ona and off since I was 17 and am now 44. CBT is great if you get the right counsellor as they don't tell you how to think but get you looking at things from a different perspective. The first time I went I came out feeling awful but by the 3rd session was starting to realise that my outlook can change. I was given a diary to write in that I had to say who else was involved and what score I would give them for not understanding. By the end of it I realised that other people were thinking differently than I thought they were and it helped to open up communication with my husband instead of me just crying and saying he didn't understand. I have also been on citalapram and felt like a new person after a couple of weeks. Give it time and don't be scared to say if something isn't working for you as you know yourself better than anyone else. Hope it works out for you and feel free to message me if you need too
  • catherine31973
    catherine31973 rzy6

    Posted

    The first step of getting on this site is brilliant as people who really understand and give amazing advice are on hand.. It is sad that it is hard to talk to people we are close too. Why not pick a couple of friends and show them a couple of posts on here to give them an idea. My husband makes jokes if ge feels uncomfortable and it is his way of coping but they upset me. There is a bench round the corner from our house that we sit on if we need a serious chat. If it is too cold or late we just say bench talk and we know that means it's not a joking thing. Just an idea but it works for us, let's us know how each other feels and then we go back to normal life with a better understanding. Feel free to message for a chat if you need x
    • Hildegard
      Hildegard catherine31973

      Posted

      Bench talk - what a brilliant idea. People often joke when theyre scared or uncomfortable about depression, and I know what you mean - my son describes depression as 'catastrophic sense of humour failure' (jokingly - he has depression himself now, just been diagnosed for the first time, how guilty do I feel for passing on my faulty genes).

      Was also interested to hear how helpful you found CBT. I keep asking for psychoanalytical therapy to untangle my horrible childhood, but they keep offering me CBT, which as I understand it, doesnt deal with the past but with how you react in the present... But if it has actually been of some help to you, maybe I should reconsider and give it a go?

    • catherine31973
      catherine31973 Hildegard

      Posted

      Hiya. Give it a chance. It's an hour a week you have to invest and what is their to lose. Can't believe I'm posting this as it sounds silly but I was scared of my husband getting the post first and it was a real phobia to the extent I was not going out the door until post had been in case he got it first. It stems back to when we had our own business and went bust. CBT got me to change my thinking in that if there is something horrible in post he can get it first and I don't have to worry about telling him as he already knows. It helped as we'll in that his family won't acknowledge my existence and I felt I had done every thing to make it easier for him. CBT changed my view from him sticking up for his family and being against me with them to understanding the position he was in from being in the middle of a controlling family and a paranoid wife. Hope that gives you an idea and hopefully it will help you too xx
    • Hildegard
      Hildegard catherine31973

      Posted

      So its kind of like getting that balanced/lateral thinking voice that is so lacking when I get myself into a confused mindset - when I just cant seem to do right for doing wrong, and theres this endless chatter in my head 'am I paranoid? Am I perfectly correct? Are those around me on my side or not?!'

      Yes you are quite right - what have I got to lose?! I know just what you mean about post. I could measure my highs and lows by my attitude to letters and phone calls. When I am depressed, I have actually discarded my phone - several times over - because I cant answer it, cant bear to look at text messages, get so behind with unanswered calls and texts that it gets overwhelming. 

      Ive still got at least 4 carrier bags full of unopened post from depressions ranging from a decade ago(!) to 2010. Like you say - just cant face bad news when i am down. Dont have the husband/partner related problems though because after 4 (failed - messily, colourfully, exhaustingly!) attempts at cohabitation over the years, I have now decided 4 tries was definitely a fair go, I tried my best and I am clearly much saner and happier living alone! I find other people - especially emotional/family ties - just too confusing and exhausting trying to figure out their feelings.moods/opinions/nuances. I sometimes wonder if i am actually on the autistic spectrum as well as bipolar, as I hav been anti-social like this since birth, apparently!

      Thanks for the very helpful advice. my psych nurse is always bugging me to try CBT - think perhaps now I will!

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