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Ive found this group after being given 'flu' by my GP today. Im not sure if its what i need but to be honest I will try anything to pick me up out of the crazy hole I seem to have fallen in to. Its so nice to read all the posts and see that maybe I am normal and am not alone.
At the moment i feel like Im on pause and everything is going on around me but I cant join in.
I havent told anyone about feeling like I want to die or feeling crazy as I dont want to get judged. If you knew me would would never guess, like lots of you I feel like I have this big dark secret.
Im an out going person with am amazing life, loads of friends and a lovely boyfriend. I snapped this weekend whilst at a party again i felt as if it was going on around me so just drunk and drunk. I ended up worrying that my boyfriend was cheating on me and being very rude to one of is friend. He told me I was being rude and stupid (so true) and I could not stop crying.
Since then if I have thought of anything other than work Ive wanted to cry. Ive apologise to the friend and my boyfrend said its all fine but I cant forgive myself for once again screwing things up.
Its funny how everyone around you thinks they know you and you can glaze a smile.
If I ever get low I have just told people Im tired or could do ith a holiday but all I really want is for this emptyness to fade.
Ive been feeling low for months but after this weekend stupidity I decidede that if Im not going to die I will screw my life up if I dont get help.
What I need to know is- is it going to get worse before it gets better? Im worries about all the side effects as Im already very very fragile and if it gets worse people will see the cracks. My boyfriend says he feels like Im made of glass littl does he know how true this is!
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