Just venting

Posted , 5 users are following.

I feel really depressed today my ex is coming to see his daughter . I'm going out to stay out of his way . As I get anxious when his about. I'm not sure if if because I love him or just don't want to angry with him because he left me.

We never argued I'm sure it's because he drinks he wanted to leave

At least my daughter has a smile on face . Just hope he turns up.

3 likes, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Sandy 

    When it comes to past events especially if I have been hurt by someone I now take to the hills. Your daughter I supp0se will just be pleases to see Her Dad and will be looking uon the visit as a more innocent way, You see the hurt and pain

    Keep a hold

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Hi, Sandy , I totally understand where you are coming from, i separate from my x husbands about 18 years ago now but I still remember how i felt when he was coming to see our children i have 2 daughter's,

    I used to put on a brave face for them and they always thought that we were friends as I would allow him in my home abd make him coffee while the girls were getting ready to go out with him , what they didn't know was that I would cry myself to sleep but , I always asked them what they did in a interesting way and made sure that they were always comfortable to talk to me about there dad and ask questions about him eventhough I was screaming inside , but they grew up happy and eventually new the truth about him and that he was a waste of space but they were not influenced by me , I can hold my head up and knowing that I gave my children the best upbringing I could.

    Be be brave for your daughter and she will thank you for that in years to come, if he doesn't turn up then tell he you will stop contact as its not fair on your daughter and her happiness is the most important thing.

    Set out firm guide lines from the start

    Goodluck with the visit remember once you daughter leaves you can screem and cry but when she comes back from seeing him brave face again

    Fingers crossed for you

    Loraine x

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  • Posted

    Hi Sandy - keep on the brave face. It's important your daughter sees you being civil to one another. Unfortunately, the storm of emotions within you have to come second where visitation rights are concerned.  How long you have been apart?

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    • Posted

      Hi again, Sandy - right you are. He needs to tell you. To explain himself, maybe even do something about his drinking. On the other hand this might be an opportunity for you to move on if that is an option - just thinking along those lines in reference to the anxiety he causes you. Is that usual or just since breaking up? Seven weeks is a very short time to sort out feelings, still in the gravitational pull of what your world was. 
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    • Posted

      The anxiety started when he left but went but when I see him it kicks in big time.

      I'm scared to ask him about missing me because I'm scared of the rejection and hurting all over again, but he must of told his sister for a reason maybe he wanted her to tell me and I should of phoned him I'm just getting confused now .

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    • Posted

      Okay, right. Perhaps he's scared of your rejection which is why he told his sister knowing she would tell you (sounds like high school.)  Maybe he's waiting for you to call him to say "Hey, your sister told me (etc). Is that true?" This could be a machination for him to save face and feel like he's got the upper hand. It's up to you whether you want to play it like that. Sounds like you might wait forever for him to man up and come to you. Which is about power-play, I would suggest, as it was he who left you. If you do call him and he rejects you, you have your answer re: relationship. 

      Also - just reading your response to loraine - maybe his visit is more about seeing you which is why he doesn't take your daughter out? maybe he is waiting for you to ask him to come back.

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    • Posted

      Sandy

      Ask yourself what you want, generally your daughter will want you both to get back together, She will want that full family back again where you are all back together as a strong and loving family. This attitude is vey simplistic and if you are not sitting in on this relatinship you will not know what is being said.

      What happened in my case was my Father would engineer a period where He had me alone and would attempt to blast my Mother in front of me. Eventually I was been used as a tool against my Mother. I was subjected to many an evening of been brainwashed, so eventually after several years the relationship began to breakdown between me and Her. As my Father again kept up His assault.

      If you feel there is a possibility you you may be able to to start that new relationship with your Husband you must be positive that you can go back into a relationship that is still raw from past events, do you feel you will be reliving the past. If this is the case and trust remains lacking the relationship will be to hard to fix, you need to address your needs and your daughter need to understand your life needs a relationship that is fulfilling to you as well as Her and Father. 

      You need to live your live and be given reassurences that the past remains the past and the future will be a period in life that has stablised, and you have an true and faithful relatinship.

      Personally I would try and be around for these meetings between Father, Daughter, you have your own needs and feeling to protect

      Keep a Hold

      BOB

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    • Posted

      Hi Bob.

      Thank you for your advise. Today I phoned his sister and asked her to find out what he wants.

      He told her he loves me and wants to come but to scared to ask incase I say no.

      She said he has to phone or text me to tell me himself which he should do he just text and said he'll be around Saturday to see our daughter.

      So I'm hoping he has the guts to tell me.

      I'm planning to move out of London for a more peaceful life. So that may help us start fresh.

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    • Posted

      Sandy

      We moved away from my Grandparents house, my family were local to the old towm an had been there since 1931. It hurt me to move on, although sometimes we have to consider the larger picture and make those difficult decisions.

      Moving away has been like a breath of fresh air and now we do not see my family at all. They do not know where we are and beause of past irritations.

      We make our own decisions in life, your Husband needs to undestand that, you may not be there in the future so it will be up to Him to negotiate a better life for you and your daughter.

      BOB

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