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Lack of understanding

Posted , 6 users are following.

Rhona62
Rhona62

Hi ladies,

Sorry just wanted to sound off as felt really upset today. I'm 5 weeks post op from posterior repair and rectal plication and finding it hard going as usually I'm so active.

I feel like the least thing I try to do and I just feel so tired and I'm left with aching in lower abdomen and feel i have to hold myself, also that stinging feeling. Anyway I'm trying my best to get on with it, but a close family member who hasn't really seen me as they live away decided to say "why am I so miserable". I actually didn't think I was and other family members who live close by are being very supportive. I really wish people could understand just how difficult this recovery time can be. I know I really didn't expect it to be like it was but I just hope I would at least try to understand if it was someone else. Sorry about the moans. I just feel guilty that I may appear from the outside to be ok but it's actually been quite hard going.

1 like, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • Jan999
    Jan999 Rhona62

    Posted

    You aren't moaning Rhona and anyway if you were this is the place to do it, we don't mind. A lot of people don't realise that this is major surgery. Just because you can't see stitches or an injury (like a broken leg) doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. Does she expect you to be jigging around or partying? You are at an important time of your recuperation. You're starting to feel better in yourself but if you start doing too much you'll suffer probably the next day. Show her some of the posts on this forum and lean on those friends who care and are supportive.
    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 Jan999

      Posted

      Thank you so much for your kind words. It's actually my daughter that upset me. We have an amazing relationship but she lives quite a distance away so she hasn't seen me recovering. It appears the only people who really understand are those that have been through it. I wouldn't mind I don't expect sympathy off her just a little bit of understanding. Are you completely recovered and if so how long did it take?
    • Jan999
      Jan999 Rhona62

      Posted

      Oh Rhona your daughter is young. She's probably too young to understand what it's like for things to drop. It took me until about 8 weeks post op before I started to feel more like my normal self but I was off work 13 weeks. I probably could have gone back earlier but my GP was being over cautious and I did do a lot of driving. I was told not to lift anything particularly heavy for 6 months. It's been over 4 years since my operation and it's the best thing I did. As long as you do as you're told then you'll be ok.
    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 Jan999

      Posted

      Thank you so much for the advice. My work have been really good, the hospital told me to stay off 12 weeks and said it would be 6 months full recovery. I'm 5 weeks post op now so hopefully things will get better. I'm really trying to rest as much as possible, more than I've ever rested in my life it just seems as soon as I try to do a small thing the aching, dragging and stinging is there. But hey onwards and upwards hopefully time will make it heal. Thanks again x
  • rosieod1
    rosieod1 Rhona62

    Posted

    Sound off all you want Rhona,that's what the rest of us are here for,to listen and support all the ladies who have been through these operations. Take no notice of people who don't have a clue what you are going through. It seems that it's very hard for most of us to cope with the not doing very much but you really must rest as much as possible,don't feel guilty,just take it easy and you will be better. It definitely takes a lot longer than we are led to believe. Chin up,you'll get there x
    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 rosieod1

      Posted

      Thank you so much. I just felt really emotional. i've been coping up to now but this really upset me. This site has been just amazing. It feels like you ladies are the only ones that really understand.

      Thanks again for the support x

  • barb89646
    barb89646 Rhona62

    Posted

    Rhona, hang in there.....as you know I am in the same boat except that I do not have abdominal discomfort.  What really helped me with the stinging is an ice pack and I haven't used it today but it sure helped when I did!  And, whenever I feel stinging, I get back to lying down and relaxing.  Don't worry about what others say, your recovery is your journey, not theirs.  Besides, you have all of us for support!  And you are right, this is one difficult journey.  😘
    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 barb89646

      Posted

      Thanks so much Barb. Just felt very emotional. It was my eldest daughter who is usually so supportive and we have a fantastic relationship all be it she lives away. I couldn't stop crying. I had actually had a short trip out and was tired anyway. She just didn't seem to understand why I'm so tired and asked why I sounded miserable. I actually didn't think I did. I suppose she hasn't seen me recovering so probably has less chance of understanding. Thanks so much for your understanding and continued support x
    • rosieod1
      rosieod1 Rhona62

      Posted

      I think our children just expect mum to always be there and be the strong one and they can't cope when the roles are reversed. I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you,they just can be very thoughtless. My eldest son couldn't understand why I didn't come over to Mexico to visit him a few weeks post op and it's very difficult to explain to a male exactly what you have had done,especially when it's your son.Have you told her how much she has upset you? She may not realise. Take care x
    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 rosieod1

      Posted

      Hi Rosie,

      No I haven't told her yet. She rang me back and asked if I would like to go and visit her. I had to say no as it's too far, also I would feel more isolated as she and her husband are in work and they live on a military base which is in the middle of nowhere. She is coming to stay overnight at the weekend so hopefully I can tell her then. She's normally so good, but like you say they always expect us to be the strong ones. Strangely enough it's my autistic son who seems to understand better even though he doesn't really have natural empathy. He actually saw me whilst in hospital though so saw me at my worst. Kids uh. Thanks so much for your understanding and support x

    • rosieod1
      rosieod1 Rhona62

      Posted

      I hope you both sort this out,shame to fall out. My daughter has cerebral palsy and is far more sympathetic than my boys,even though she doesn't totally understand what I had done.I love this site and wish I had come across it before my op,everyone is so lovely and helpful.x
    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 rosieod1

      Posted

      I'm sure we will, it's probably just a bit raw at the moment. I'm so close to her, it probably is just that she hasn't seen how hard I've found it.

      Thanks so much for your support x

  • Jan999
    Jan999 Rhona62

    Posted

    Rhona a lot of women feel emotional after surgery, that's quite normal so that's why you should just rely on your supportive friends who understand how you are feeling. 
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