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Lack of understanding

Posted , 6 users are following.

Rhona62
Rhona62

Hi ladies,

Sorry just wanted to sound off as felt really upset today. I'm 5 weeks post op from posterior repair and rectal plication and finding it hard going as usually I'm so active.

I feel like the least thing I try to do and I just feel so tired and I'm left with aching in lower abdomen and feel i have to hold myself, also that stinging feeling. Anyway I'm trying my best to get on with it, but a close family member who hasn't really seen me as they live away decided to say "why am I so miserable". I actually didn't think I was and other family members who live close by are being very supportive. I really wish people could understand just how difficult this recovery time can be. I know I really didn't expect it to be like it was but I just hope I would at least try to understand if it was someone else. Sorry about the moans. I just feel guilty that I may appear from the outside to be ok but it's actually been quite hard going.

1 like, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • patsybythesea
    patsybythesea Rhona62

    Posted

    Hey Rhona worry not love.

    This stuff affects us in many ways we can't explain. went out briefly today to pick up a mothers day card and came back exhausted and sore; 10 minutes I was...

    This stuff can get to you and while we sit still and ponder our bellybutton fluff we have time to also worry about things.

    Your kids will understand but don't be afraid to let them know you're struggling, it's not about being brave, but being real, and right now you feel fed up and emotional, perfectly normal. Have a cry, you'll feel better, it's a release, a variety, able one too.

    like you I'm feeling frustrated this week after feeling so well and now feeling sore after such little movement.

    But it WILL get better, nature makes sure of that, so just moan all you like here and blow you nose and put your feet up.

    I have now crocheted so many bloody roses I'm sitting in the middle of a huge bouquet, but it helps me stay sane.

    So, onward and upward Darlings all! Xxx

    • rosieod1
      rosieod1 patsybythesea

      Posted

      You just made me laugh so much. Got this vision of a lady reclining on her sofa covered in a sea of roses. I love this site . Onwards and upwards indeed ladies xx

       

    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 patsybythesea

      Posted

      Ah thank you so much Patsy. Wow crocheted roses sounds amazing, that's so clever.

      I was probably overdue for a cry, it's hard sometimes always staying strong. I've got my feet up now thankfully and intend to do just that tomorrow too.

      Thanks for being there x

    • barb89646
      barb89646 rosieod1

      Posted

      And, it's like what everyone is saying...and, why support groups are so valuable - that unless you have been through something, you just can NOT get it.  Our grandson was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes 4 years ago and there was no one who understood what we are going through so I started a group just for grandparents!  Now, they get it exactly!  Just like all of us who are going through the same sorts of things, we just "get" each other.  This place is our "home" for support and comfort.  Aren't  we blessed?
    • rosieod1
      rosieod1 barb89646

      Posted

      Yes I feel very blessed to have found this site and all you wonderful ladies. I had one fab lady inbox me the other day with some advice that she thought may have been just a bit too personal on here and it was very helpful. Long may we continue to heal and support x
  • moira34394
    moira34394 Rhona62

    Posted

    Hi Rhona, I had something similar last year. I was 2 weeks post op, and my daughter offered to take me out for coffee. I thought I should make an effort. Why? Why?  Best advice I read subsequently was stay in pyjamas for 6 weeks ~ the minute you're up and dressed you look normal. Turned out the car park was 200 yds from the coffee shop. I had to walk at a snail's pace due to painful dragging sensation, and was told that her friend (early 30s) had had the same op and she walked normally straight away. Grrr...
    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 moira34394

      Posted

      Thanks so much for listening. I just don't think I would ever be so hurtful to people. They just don't think do they. I suppose they can't understand with not going through it, but it just makes the recovery so much harder when people don't understand. Are you recovered now Moira?
    • Rhona62
      Rhona62

      Posted

      Hi Moira,

      How long did it take you to recover? Are you back to normal now? When did all the aching and stinging feelings go? Sorry for all the questions. I'm 5 weeks post op now and can't wait to see light at the end of the tunnel smile

    • moira34394
      moira34394 Rhona62

      Posted

      Hi Rhona

      Anterior repair in Dec 2013 ~ failed within 2 weeks when I tripped and lunged to stop myself falling. Saw consultant again in Jan 14. Now also needed posterior repair + tvt. Those would support the anterior prolapse which hadn't failed completely.

      So, March 2014, anterior repair + tvt.

      Sore for weeks, plus had haematoma and antibiotics for infections.

      I remember that things were still sore when walking or doing pelvic floor exs at 5 weeks post op, so back to GP for reassurance. By 8 weeks, just occasional discomfort though still very tried.

      Saw the consultant at 3 months. Felt great and he said the posterior repair was solid and the anterior prolapse was negligible. Advised that handling toddler grandchild ok, and to live normal life, but never again to move heavy furniture or heave the big bags of compost about.

      Started looking after toddler grandchild 4-5 months post op. I lifted her as little as possible, but felt the pull every time, and when my long-awaited gynae appt came through, no posterior prolapse (hurray, just shows it does work) but slight anterior one now evident. Asymptomatic, but now so sensitised I want it gone. Working with physio on exs to correct this. She thinks I would see better improvement if not handling toddler (now 21 months) but that's not an option and I love doing it anyway. Less lifting needed as she grows.

      By 8 months post op, no longer feeling pull with lifting baby, buggy etc etc.

      1 year on, living normal life, all symptoms gone. TVT brilliant from start.

      Hoping physio exs will deal with 'slight' anterior prolapse.

      Looking back, would say fair amount of pain/discomfort for 8 weeks. Think that was the real turning point. If doing it again, I would set 6 months rather than 3, as the stage where I started doing normal things like lifting shopping in and out of the car. I still transfer heavier items in stages. I think I will be mindful all my life.

      Sorry, this all feels a bit rambly. I think we need some new threads, eg preparing for your op; prepping friends and family; tips for pain/bm management; tips for managing shopping/household chores.

      Anyway, Mothers' Day tomorrow, so hopefully treats for all! 

      Moira x

    • Rhona62
      Rhona62 moira34394

      Posted

      Moira, thank you so so much for taking the time to explain in detail about your recovery. It has been so helpful and really made me feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel. You're right we do need more threads on here. The site has been absolutely fantastic for me but I'm finding as I'm getting a little further on I want to know how things will be longer term so you have certainly reassured me. I just so want this stinging, aching uncomfortable feeling to go and for me to feel human again. I'm still off work but there are so many little things i would like to be able to do but it just feels like this thing won't go and feels like it never will.

      Thanks again for your message and support, I will hang in there x

  • Jan999
    Jan999 Rhona62

    Posted

    Rhona you need to listen to some of us oldies. I don't mean age but those of us had surgery some time ago. It will be 5 years in July since I had the op and I admit it was tough to begin with because I struggled with resting and letting others do all the work but it was worth it. I went back to work after 13 weeks feeling really well and so glad I did as I was told. It was about 9 months post op that I realised I felt 100% better. I've never looked back. I lift, exercise, pick up my grandchildren and walk up to 10 miles a week (I'm now retired). Hang in there Rhona, time will pass and you'll reap the benefits.
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