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Hello everyone, I am new to this page and have been looking at it for over a week. I thought I would post because it seems like a very supportive and informative place. Sorry this mite be a long read. I hope I have posted in the category.
I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks since about 2000. I have panic disorder and generalised anxiety disorder. Sometimes things have been easier and sometimes they have been worse. For several years it was mainly anxiety, panic attacks and health anxiety. However, I do have several phobias as well, the main ones being: emetophobia (fear of vomiting), mysophobia (fear of germs and contamination), medication phobia (fear of side effects). Since 2014 my emetophobia and mysophobia have come out very strongly and taken over my life. My diet is terrible, I hardly eat anything and my selection of food is also not good. So I am probably not getting enough nutrition and am lacking vitamins and minerals. I am also very underweight. Even so, I will say that in a strange way since these two phobias become worse in 2014 my general anxiety and panic attacks seemed to take a back seat and lesson. However, this wasn’t to last because over the last few weeks things have taken a turn for the worst and I am not in a very good way at all.
It started on the 19th April. I was out going for a walk when I had a panic attack. So I came home. Then I went for a walk the next day and the same thing happened again. Since then my heart rate has been raised by about 5-10bpm on average even when sitting down. I’ve felt anxious even at home (my safe place) and it has crippled me. Not only do I have my phobias to deal with. But now also my anxiety has come back strongly too (not that it ever fully went). Then on the 6th May I had an episode that I’d never had before and it really scared me.
On the 6th May I’d had a fairly high heart rate most of the morning in the 90bpm. I also felt I had a tight chest and just pretty rubbish. Then after while it got it just seemed to get worse suddenly. I had very bad palpitations and my heart was thumping really hard and beating really fast. It felt like my chest was going to explode and I was going to die. I've never felt anything as intense as this or lasting as long an I e had anxiety and panic attack’s for nearly two decades. It lasted about 20 minutes at its worst I think. I tried my best to relax and control my breathing and even lied in bed but nothing worked. So I got my mum to ring an ambulance. I was very scared and didn’t know what was going on. So paramedics came out and done my oxygen level, blood pressure, sugar level, and a full body ECG. Everything came back ok except my heart rate was still really high. Over 130bpm. However, the really bad palpitations had stopped before the paramedics arrived so I'm not sure how high it would have been before. They recommended I go into hospital with them just to be checked over and to maybe have something to slow my heart rate down. However, I choose not to because I haven’t been travelling far from my home for several months and I haven’t had any medical tests or taken medication for over a decade due to my phobias. So it would have increased my anxiety a lot more to go. It is so frustrating and hard that You can’t just accept help because your so scared. Also I knew I was seeing my GP on the 8th (2 days) who knows my situation better and I’ve built up a rapport with. But if it had come back or got worse I would have had to have called them back and gone down. I still didn’t feel right though for the rest of Day. My heart rate stayed raised all that day and I didn't sleep at all that night. I just couldn’t switch off and think I was worrying.
So I saw the doctor on the 8th. I explained everything that’s happened and about the paramedics coming out. She listened to my heart, checked my pulse and done a few other general checks. All seemed ok. She also read the paperwork the paramedics left with my ECG and other tests on. She does think anxiety has a lot to do with things. However there are other possibilities too. She did mention about me possibly lacking certain vitamins and minerals. Also with the palpitations possibly being Supraventricular Tachycardia (SVT). So she wants me to have a blood test done to check somethings. She also mentioned about having a 24 hour heart monitor. But the blood test will be first. She’s also talked to me about medication for my anxiety.
Well the district nurse came out this morning to take blood. I worked myself up for an hour or so before and got really anxious though. So I was having palpitations, raised heart rate and a thumping heart for a while and felt like they wouldn’t stop. By the time she arrived I was basically having a panic attack and said I couldn’t have it done snd needed an ambulance. Not my finest moment. But when you feel like your dying and losing your mind it’s hard to be rational and calm. However I talked to the nurse and she was really nice and understanding. So I was able to calm down enough to have the blood test done. So at least it’s been done now. I just have to wait for the results.
The last few weeks have been so hard and stressful. It feels like my whole world has been turned upside down and that everything I’ve a achieved over the last few years was for nothing. I’ve suffered with this horrible condition for nearly 20 years now. It’s ruined a lot of my life and I feel I’ve missed out on so much. Now with it coming back so strong and these palpitations (possibly something else) I feel like giving up all hope of having a life. I just felt I wanted to say what had been going on and let it out. I did have some questions I wanted to ask to see people’s opinions. But maybe I should leave them for another post. Because this already feels like it’s turning into an essay. Thank you to all who do take the time to read this very long post 😊
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