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Light at last

Posted , 8 users are following.

Lan-69
Lan-69

I was prescribed citalopram in march for anxiety by my GP and it was the beginning of a living nightmare! I started on 20 mg for 5 weeks then my dose was increased to 30 mg for 5 weeks, 10 weeks of my life which I shall never get back. My anxiety was out of control, I lost 10 kg because I couldn't eat and was living on complan and Cheerios, I was lucky to sleep for 3 hours every night due to being jolted awake by adrenaline rushing through my body which lasted nearly all day and only diminished on an evening. I was virtually house bound, couldn't work couldn't even go to local shop, was practically living in my bed and terrified to be left alone. I had no emotions I couldn't even cry I was just existing. I was also on 3x40 mg propanol a day and diazapam didn't even touch the anxiety.

I was at drs every week, hospital twice and even had an ambulance.

This all came to a head when I decided my life wasn't worth living anymore and suicidal thoughts where taking over. I called the crisis team and I was addmitted to the mental health ward at my local hospital. They changed my medication to mirtazapine 15 mg and weaned me off the citalopram over a week then increased my mirtazapine to 30 mg. Mirtazapine has saved my life!

From the first night of taking it I actually slept it was amazing, it contains a sedative and also an appetite stimulant which enables me to eat again. I have been taking this medication for 5 weeks now and my life has changed so much. The anxiety is practically gone and I am able to go out and function and I can actually see a future, I still have some down days but with help also from CBT I'm learning how to deal with this.

It's still early days but everything is looking positive and my life is slowly returning to me. I encourage anyone who is really struggling with citalopram to look into mirtazapine, it literally has saved my life

5 likes, 28 replies

28 Replies

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  • stevo1975
    stevo1975 Lan-69

    Posted

    Thats great news Lan well done on winning your battle heres to you!!!
    • Lan-69
      Lan-69 stevo1975

      Posted

      It's still early days but the signs are positive. I still struggle each morning with mild anxiety and worrying thoughts but I don't let them stop me doing what I want to do
    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 Lan-69

      Posted

      Thats the ticket Lan with your attitude and meds you'll be streets ahead smile
    • Lan-69
      Lan-69 stevo1975

      Posted

      It's hard work especially when the 'what if ' thinking starts and you start to feel the spiralling dark thoughts but hopefully my CBT will help me.

      I'm making myself do things that my depression and anxiety are trying to not let me do. Even if it's just talking the dogs for a walk round the block, every little step adds up.

      It is very frustrating when you feel almost back to your old self one day and then feel back in the black hole the next

      Lisa

    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 Lan-69

      Posted

      Yeah I know it certainly can play with your emotions ! If you keep your frmae of mind thats the best thing keep dpoing the things you enjoy walking the dogs force a smile when you can too it helps!!
  • E.L.R.
    E.L.R. Lan-69

    Posted

    Hello Lan,

    I'm reading this thread with great interest, but with in-trepidation too. After 8 weeks on Cita, I'm generally more up than I was and confident that the pills are working. However after 4 weeks on 10 mg then 4 weeks on 20mg I'm starting to notice a pattern. 2-3 weeks struggling with the side effects, then a general boost in spirits, but they come with serious periods of negative thoughts.

    I'd been having negative thoughts before I started the pills, but then after 4 weeks I was deemed to have made my first 'attempt'. 8 weeks in now - the negative thoughts are really stong. It's at odds with what has been generally better mood recently. I'm also more advanced at planning. It's a little scary.

    You struck a chord mentioning that the crisis team helped you. I'm struggling to get the support through Access and Assestment or IAPT teams that I have been put in contact with. They seem to be bouncing me from one to the other.

    I understand a Phychiatrist is reviewing my meds tomorrow, but they have not even met me. I'm anxious about the possibility of changing.

    Any words of direction appreciated. What point did you reach out to the crisis team?

    • Lan-69
      Lan-69 E.L.R.

      Posted

      Hi,

      I contacted the crisis team 3 times and it want until the 3 rd visit that they actually realised I was in crisis and addmitted me to hospital.

      I has been on citalopram for 10 weeks and just couldn't understand why they were not working for me.

      I'm hoping against hope that the mirtazipine help me with my mental health alongside CBT. The initial results showed that they are agreeing with me ( according to psychiatrist and CPN) I really didn't have any major side effects only eating more, but that I can live with.

      I still struggle each day especially on a morning and I'm trying to get to grips with CBT but it's hard work. Once them thoughts start they just seem to consume me. They are all about getting well, ' will I get better?'

      ' when will I get better', ' I'm never going to be able to work again' . I do my best and somedays I see me again then others I'm back in that black hole again.

      I'm terrible for seeking reassurance and they all say the same thing, it's early days still yet you need to give them time to adjust and reach there therapeutic level ( been on 30mg for 5 weeks). The crisis team discharged me on Saturday but a plan has been given to my doc regarding ongoing care. This may involve upping my dose but I don't care what I have to do or take as long as I get me back.

      My friends all say I'm doing really well but on bad days I don't see it I feel like Iv gone back over then I start berating myself and feeling like a failure.

      This depression business is really really hard work like trying to climb a mountain in stilettos as my therapist describes it but I keep putting extra stuff in my backpack on the way to make it even more difficult

      Lisa

    • E.L.R.
      E.L.R. Lan-69

      Posted

      Thanks Lan.

      I've been to the edge and back this week, but am pleased to say I've finally got a psychiatric doctor appointment for tomorrow. It's a big relief. I think the appointment is mainly to review my meds, but I'm going to try and push as much as possible for a full psychiatric assessment and diagnosis. It's exhausting having to fight the NHS to get these appointments and reviews. Especially with mental illness chipping away at my confidence, and anxiety throwing me into turmoil every time something doesn't go to plan. I'm a bit of a wreck today after having a disastrous day yesterday, ending with me braking down on a call to the samitarians last night. Still, somehow the grass seems a little greener today. It's a long road I'm on. There will be dark days ahead. Hopefully I'm at least on the right road now though. Thanks for your reply. It's encouraging hearing of thing on the upward turn. Thanks.

    • Lan-69
      Lan-69 E.L.R.

      Posted

      I've often thought about ringing the Samaratins but up to now I never have, I always ring the crisis team not that they do much but sometimes just a bit assurance works wonders.

      Iv noticed my anxiety has been a bit higher the last 2 days which has me worried cos that seemed to have settled right down, it's like a constant on edge feeling like your waiting for something to happen which increases the worrying so the anxiety gets worse ....it's a viscous cycle

      I'm going to docs tomorrow so will see what he has to say I just want to get back to me again so I can go back to work

  • Lan-69
    Lan-69

    Posted

    The light is getting dimmer sad
    • E.L.R.
      E.L.R. Lan-69

      Posted

      Hang in there Lan. You are on the path of recovery, which comes with ups and downs. You'll see! Another up is just around the corner. Think of the encouragement you gave me only a few days ago. My tables have turned, and I'm feeling a whe lot better. Last Wednesday I'd sY I was in crisis. Today, I was out with my running g bodies, at a local race, and I ENJOUED IT

      Take care Lan. We are here for you. xx

    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 E.L.R.

      Posted

      Hey Lan, ELR Hang in there hold on to Hope Lan ELR is right good days bad days keep focused on the light it will never go out you are too strong both you guys I 'm proud to hear your progress even if it doesnt sound like you are I can see an improvement in your tone of email! Keep fighting guys xx 
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