living with the devil, depression

Posted , 3 users are following.

so i am sitting here on my sofa in my own stink for a week now with complete apathy to change it ! yes i have been to my GP and increased my citalopram to 30mg for the 3rd time in 3 years( after going from 20mg to 40mg depending on my mood) signed off work for 2 weeks in the hope of pulling myself out this hole that is slowly swallowing me up. i suppose i just want to talk to anyone, someone ,,,,,,,,, maybe it might help ? 

0 likes, 11 replies

Report / Delete

11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Louise Depression is awful i know, but you have support on here even as you say just to let people know how you are feeling. Do you suffer anxiety as well? Motivation is so hard, are you eating and sleeping? I am around anytime you need to talk, I am suffering as well so can try to understand. 
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    HI elizabeth, thank you for your reply, sorry to hear you are suffering too :-( i do struggle with social anxiety making it very difficult to get out and interact with people, also making my job impossible to do, i work in customer service. i am hoping that now i have finally held my hands in the air and said " i need help" ( after several months of giving myself a good old kick up the backside and the many man up pep talks, none of which work ) i can now let myself of the guilt hook, rest, clear my mind and start to rebuild myself again. how long have you suffered ? x
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hello again Louise, I have suffered depression on and off for years now and recently it started again. This time i have had anxiety and panic attacks, i don't know what as triggered them. This morning i phoned the GP as the side effects are awful on Citalopram, not taken this med before, and asked to reduce the dose of which he said was okay. I hope that you soon get out of this dark pit of depression. Best wishes, talk anytime you want.
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      hi again, can i ask how long you have been on citalopram ? only in my case, and many more i have read up on, the side effects eased within the first 6 weeks, what seems a long time i know but persistance has payed off for me.....for the most part ! also as far as panic attaks go has this been a new thing since being on citalopram ? or did it start prior to starting it ? for me i avoid the things that cause me panic hense my " hiding " form the world in the safety of my depression, this for me gives my brain a break as it were. maybe look at when your first feelings of anxiety/panic appeared, what were you doing ? what was your thoughts just before hand ? may help you work out the trigger ? keep well x 
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi again, yes your right, i have only been on Citalopram for three weeks but i would rather start off on the lower dose and work up if i have to, I have felt alot better today for it, my anxiety is less and no panic attacks today.I started the anxiety and panic attacks before the meds. I am due to see GP in a couple of weeks and will see how i am then, if i can stay on the lower dose i will as i don't really want meds if i can help it. I think my anxiety started about the time my nephew died recently, he was 40

      and had severe MS. Also had another nephew died 18 months ago, he had Schizophrenia and was 34 he commited suicide and my husband also had Schizophrenia and commited suicide aged 28, thou this has been a long time ago now. There is alot of depression in the family and i think its down to lose. I had a lot of childhood rejection also. I have mobility issues and feel very lonely at times. I do have 2 lovely daughters and a granddaughter and grandson, so for their sakes want to get better. Sorry i went on a bit but has you say it can help just to talk. I am a good listener too so if you need to talk don't hesitate.

       

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      hi elizabeth, thank you for replying all i can say with citalopram is it helps to numb me, not ideal i know but when struggling with depression and an irational mind i find it calms so as to aid rational thought ( thats the theory)

      i  can only imagine your distress ! with everything you have been through all i can say is your truly amazing ! give yourself time to grieve your loses ( easier said than done) dont be too hard on yourself ........ god i sound like a self help book and am hving flash backs to all the times i have been told these, what feels like platitudes, for that i am sorry.

                i too had a difficult childhood and not spoken to my family in 18 years, this saddens me....... i found my brother on FB 3 weeks ago, and just seeing his profile pick has sent my life into this current spiral and although i have a great deal of rational on the situation it unfortunatley does not stop the old safety mechanisum from kicking in.

                   sorry now i'm going on ......

      loneliness is the theme that runs through this illness it is isolating and like you i have children and my first grandchild due in 6 weeks so understand you drive to be better for them, hold on to them and hug them as i will try to tommorow when i see my daughter. keep well x 

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Reminds me of me but where as you may of figurtively meant sitting in your own stink i actually was my agoraphobia, depression, anxiety and ibs were so bad in my old place that it smelt of cat p**s an s**t and i had trash bags in the bath and all over the living room because i couldnt even get near my front door to take out the trash and i lived in my bedroom while my cats lived in the other rooms id even had bottles of p**s everywhere because i couldnt get to the toilet in time an this went on for years infact this is what led to me getting diagnosed with anxiety.

    I wont lie and say im fine now cause im far from been fine but my new place is generally cleaner even though cleaning depresses me or its not the cleaning so much as been alone while cleaning because i need someone to talk to an keep me motivated while i clean or do other things or i just stop an go back to bed or go back to watching tv an ive had depression for decades.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi it's sad to read your story and how you have lived because of your mental health it must of been awful for you. It sounds like your new place is a better start. Have you still got agrophobia and what meds are you taking, have you sought any talking therapies and CBT as these are very helpful, ( i have had talking therapy years ago ). If you still have agrophobia i realise it may be difficult for you. Do you have any family that visit, I wish you the best and hope that you can get the support you need.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      only meds im taking are for the ibs and high blood pressure and heart rate i tried sertraline, citlopram and other anti depressant to no avail.

      an yes i still have agoraphobia which for me is kinda stupid since i actually love been outdoors with me been a photographer but off course like everything my body wins out over my mind evil little s**t that it is.

      An yes im also currently waiting to hear back from the local mental heath cinic to see if they can do house visits cause i wont be able to visit them no matter how much i wish i could.

      I will also add that on the rarest of occassions when i do go out without my body fighting me i do tend to spend hours out side with my camera.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      hi wings of a pegasus thank you for telling me your story and i'm sorry you have been through this hell and whilst not wanting to get into the whole, mine is worse than yours debate, i can say with hand on hart that i have been to that place and hospitalised for my own saftey in the past for it and would not wish it upon my worst enemy ! yes i am chucking up a bit, week of no shower or tooth brushing will do that to a gal, my cats seem to be unperturbed by this though lol, i am mearly trying in desperstion to stave off the worst case sinario of complete mental breakdown. i do hope you continue to fight the good fight to stay well and i send you my prayers x
      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up