Losing Faith and feeling hopeless....and then period MIA

Posted , 10 users are following.

Im sorry. I'm so sorry to anyone who is willing to read this.I just dont know where else to let this out.

For over two years I have been struggling with what may be perimenopause stuff. I'm about to turn 48...but never felt like i was aging before the last two years. Yes at 40 my hair got drier and my skin but everything else felt the same. Then two years ago everything suddenly crashed and I didnt recognize my body. Never had much anxiety now I do...especially health anxiety. Ive been through tons of blood tests, MRI's, ultrasounds...drs after drs. The only thing we have found so far is that i struggle with vitamin D deficiency and have two bulging disks in my lower back and one in my neck. im in physical therapy for those and its been better. I found out about those because my Neurologist ordered the MRI to rule out demylinating disease because i was having tingling and numbness in my hands and legs. 

So for the past few months I though I was on my way back to normal. I started back at church and even started a food ministry in my area. Then last month I decied to see my Gastro Dr about my constant weird pressure below my ribs...feels like i always have air in there. they wanted to do a endoscopy and then at the same time colonoscopy since im close to the recommended age anyway but didnt seem overly concerned. I had a terriblly stressful week and and then the two days on liquids made me almost pass out. I couldnt even do the prep so i had to cancel. 

The last few months my periods that have always been very regular and 28 days started coming every 21 days. my doctor says thats normal to be shorter...but then now...my period has disappeared. My procedure would of been this past monday and my period was due friday..so its 5 days late. Thats only ever happened when i had my kids and thats not a possibility for this. Then the last few days the dizziness and nauseas and unsteadyness has come back...and my brain is so foggy I cant even think. Months ago I did two saliva tests and they showed slightly elevated estrogen in comparison to what it should be against progesterone.

I guess why Im feeling hopeless is because i got a taste of feeling normal again just to fall back into this pit. I dont know if its the clear liquid diet that triggerd this or the stress thats been pretty bad to be honest for almost a month. 

Im ashamed for my teenage daughter to see whats become of the strong stable mother she used to have. I try to hide it but I really cant anymore. 

Ive taken tons of vitamins...use magnesium oil every day...drink chamomile tea at night to relax...drinking it now with ginger to calm the nausea and dizziness...but its only temporary. 

I feel like I dont recognize this woman I've become..who just wants to lock herself in a closet away from the world and cry, and I am so ashamed. I don;t even feel like I can go to church any more because how ungrateful I am for even complaining about how I feel when I know there are people struggling with much more.

Thank you and a hug to all of you

Mira

1 like, 14 replies

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm so sorry Mira. I definitely know how you feel. I've been sick since last August. The worse part is never knowing if everything is peri related or something else. I couldn't have any more tests than I did. I know my family and friends don't even want to talk about it anymore so I just suffer in silence.

    We are here for you ??

    Sue

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  • Posted

    God bless you Mira, you've absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. It all sounds horribly familiar! I have disc problems in my neck and the resulting pins and needles in my hands. I also have a totally knackered shoulder due to a riding accident 25 years ago and a more recent dislocation.

    It seems as if every injury, knock and bump has come back to haunt me. I well remember telling my younger sister that life does indeed begin at 40, but make the most of it because by 42 you start dropping to bits.😕

    Most of us in the Northern hemisphere are vit D deficient and it is important that you get adequate amounts of that, vit K2 and magnesium. Be gentle with yourself and don't give up on your faith and going to church. If you feel you are not getting the support you need there - then find another church. We are family and should support one another. Remember 'Cast all your cares on Him, for He careth for you',

    And we care too (Hugs) x

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  • Posted

    Don't loose FAITH

    You have it even when you sit still and think about God and he will feed your mind with positivity.

    Embrace the fear

    If you call it that way

    Running won't change anything

    And let God breath for you in his timing

    I'm feeling worst while I'm writing this to you

    But holding on to it cause I know I'll be stronger .

    The only Vitamin I have is Vitamin B

    I'm 5.6 and underweight only 46kg

    I've been stress and have alll the symptoms you have in 3 months now .

    And feel like I'm gonna be skeletal to death etc.

    but I thought

    These are all evil thoughts and it won't happen

    I am 52 I wish I didn't take HT for 1 week .

    I'm skinny but my health record is good right now.

    We can supply our minds with all the scientific information but in the end when you feel so week

    You only have Faith and that keeps us Alive.

    Pray 🙏

    God Bless

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  • Posted

    Yes.....been through hell and back myself. I'm in post menopause now and having new issues, or issues with periods that I should not be having you can say. Just had a transvaginal ultrasound and my endomitrium layer is really thick, and they found what they think is a fibroid. Got to go for an MRI on that to further examine. So far nothing shows cancerous. Cells or tumors. Thank goodness. So I totally get your frustration with tests, and feeling like crap most of the time.

    We have all been through it, and/or still going through it. Menopause is awful. If I could change my sex to a man right now I would. Husband wouldn't be too happy about that though. Only kidding I think, but hope it made you smile a little bit.

    Just know we are here for you, and understand all you are going through.

    Try to stay positive, take vitamins B12 & D, get plenty of rest, which I know is hard to do sometimes, exercise, eat healthy, and try to stay focused on positive things, like enjoying time with your family, friends and most importantly take time for Yourself.

    Feel free to talk to us anytime. We are your best sounding board, and never feel bad about sharing your experiences. We're all supportive and similarly in the same boat with most of these horrible meno. symtoms. OK.

    Take care Mira!

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  • Posted

    Yes it is a pit . I'm 47 and experience the same but I have my periods still have them but the pain on my left side is bad

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  • Posted

    Yes it is a pit . I'm 47 and experience the same but I have my periods still have them but the pain on my left side is bad is annoying pain

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  • Posted

    Hi Mira. First of all a big hug! Your not alone. I too suffer from horrible anxiety and I feel ashamed of it also. I lost want to feel strong like I use to and happy. Now I am just a scared person I don't recognize. It's not even me. I am amazed how badly these hormones can effect us women. I don't really have support from husband. He doesn't want to hear it anymore. It's been a year and half for me rolleyes. I wish it would end. Went 4 months without a period. Now I have one every two weeks for 2 months. I really am going to have a party if I sitcoms this. I feel also like you. Others are going through such worse. Why can't I handle this ? I find solice here with all of these caring sisters whom are in the same boat. We will all pull through. Try to keep positive thoughts on the worse days. And know the next day will be be better. I have just gone today for my transvaginal ultrasound as I have had a fibroid for years. A bit nervous of what results will be. God bless each and everyone of us through this journey. Tc

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  • Posted

    You are not alone. I have also gone through a hard two years with medical tests biopsies, the nerves before and the waiting for results, odd symptoms etc. I have had nearly 3 months of a weird sort of dizziness and tingling. I saw my Dr several times, an neurologist, an eye dr, ENT... I was once a strong, organized busy mom. Raised 4 kids, worked, helped take care of my grandson. I'm 56 and it has been two years since periods, not counting the ones that suddenly showed up and caused problems. Eventually I got anxiety, health related, and it knocked me hard. I thought I had some disease like Ms or diabetes or GD knows what. My Dr put me on short term Xanax at a low dose of .5 mg once a day. I never used to take anything, not even a simple pain killers. I feel so much more normal it is freaked me out that drugs can do this. So after 9 days I quit. Boom it all came back and I was a mess. I realized that I needed help. Dr told me to go back on it and in a few weeks to come back. I am back on it and feel much better. I guess life, for women, is not easy, especially at this age. Sad. Luckily my husband is very supportive.in a few weeks I assume the Dr will put me on something else it keep me on this. I am scared to go back to that dark place of anxiety. I will also see some therapist eventually I suppose. So think about it... Hugs.

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  • Posted

    Hi missmira you are not in this alone. I know the pain you are going through because I am still there. Peri meno is terrible. I also feel I can't go to church, even things that you love doing, you see them uninteresting. Sometimes you will wake up feel good but all of a sudden you start sort of dizzy like and lightheaded.  I don't know the particular vitamin you are using, I am using Calcium tablet and Vitamin C...plus eating a lot of Cabbage+cucumber+carrot on an empty stomach before breakfast. It has really help lessen my peri symptoms. 

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  • Posted

    I'm so sorry your'e going through this. Every day it's something different for me. I too feel weak and want to cry.  Stress can trigger so much in our bodies, especially when going through peri and even into post menopause. I am blessed since peri wasn't a problem for me. But ever since 2014 it's been up and down.  The health anxiety has been the worse for me also. I have good days and not so good days. I pray, spend time with friends and family, and go to church(although I missed this past Sunday). I too feel guilty because I know there are people dealing with so much worse. But just keep being good to yourself and remember, "this too shall pass". Have a blessed day and come on her anytime to vent. I sure do! Oh, and I get you cancelling the colonoscopy. I've had one and was due for another, but I was dealing with an anal fissure and the docotor didn't even want to let it heal. The nurse just said, "oh your prep will be painful, just use a lot of lube". So, you're not going to offer me any cream or anything to help? That let me know the doctor didn't care about me, he was all about hearding us in out of that endoscopy center like cattle. It's a money making procedure and he does a bunch every morning. That's how he makes his money, not from office visits. I am going to have another one done, just with another doctor.  Sorry to go on so, but I just want you to know your feelings are valid.

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