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Im sorry. I'm so sorry to anyone who is willing to read this.I just dont know where else to let this out.
For over two years I have been struggling with what may be perimenopause stuff. I'm about to turn 48...but never felt like i was aging before the last two years. Yes at 40 my hair got drier and my skin but everything else felt the same. Then two years ago everything suddenly crashed and I didnt recognize my body. Never had much anxiety now I do...especially health anxiety. Ive been through tons of blood tests, MRI's, ultrasounds...drs after drs. The only thing we have found so far is that i struggle with vitamin D deficiency and have two bulging disks in my lower back and one in my neck. im in physical therapy for those and its been better. I found out about those because my Neurologist ordered the MRI to rule out demylinating disease because i was having tingling and numbness in my hands and legs.
So for the past few months I though I was on my way back to normal. I started back at church and even started a food ministry in my area. Then last month I decied to see my Gastro Dr about my constant weird pressure below my ribs...feels like i always have air in there. they wanted to do a endoscopy and then at the same time colonoscopy since im close to the recommended age anyway but didnt seem overly concerned. I had a terriblly stressful week and and then the two days on liquids made me almost pass out. I couldnt even do the prep so i had to cancel.
The last few months my periods that have always been very regular and 28 days started coming every 21 days. my doctor says thats normal to be shorter...but then now...my period has disappeared. My procedure would of been this past monday and my period was due friday..so its 5 days late. Thats only ever happened when i had my kids and thats not a possibility for this. Then the last few days the dizziness and nauseas and unsteadyness has come back...and my brain is so foggy I cant even think. Months ago I did two saliva tests and they showed slightly elevated estrogen in comparison to what it should be against progesterone.
I guess why Im feeling hopeless is because i got a taste of feeling normal again just to fall back into this pit. I dont know if its the clear liquid diet that triggerd this or the stress thats been pretty bad to be honest for almost a month.
Im ashamed for my teenage daughter to see whats become of the strong stable mother she used to have. I try to hide it but I really cant anymore.
Ive taken tons of vitamins...use magnesium oil every day...drink chamomile tea at night to relax...drinking it now with ginger to calm the nausea and dizziness...but its only temporary.
I feel like I dont recognize this woman I've become..who just wants to lock herself in a closet away from the world and cry, and I am so ashamed. I don;t even feel like I can go to church any more because how ungrateful I am for even complaining about how I feel when I know there are people struggling with much more.
Thank you and a hug to all of you
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