Lost

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Why on earth do we share everything with others, caring, attentive thoughtful just to be utelized and dropped at any given time. An educated person who is no ones fool..though am I? Upbringing and past hurts all come into play.

Negativeity seems to spill from the very thoughts i'm trying to turn into positives..narcissism of a family member (s) had left me with caring about very little now. Had a real or so I thought connection with a guy who really needed to tslk yep over a year of that then he disappeares..they get what they need and go...he said all the right things he cares i had a beuatiful mind, couldn't understand why i cared for him, i asked for nothing and guess what that's exactly what I got. Always been there for people all of the time loyal to the end though for what to be stamped out checked out and left in the windeness of confusion.

Like all caring people there will be other to use you, to abuse the kndness by leaving wothout a thank you and a take care it hurts like a knife being plunged a kndness to let go peacefully is what others tell me yes, these are the ones that can move on,,i wish that for me 

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  • Posted

    Hi

    Just wanted to say I can relate to a lot of this..I made a post just recently about my mother. I guess she has narcissistic traits, and you know I find that Im caring less about things these days too.

    You're very right about people in the way that they use you to get what they want then leave. I have seen so much of this it's ridiculous. There is no way to avoid it, I mean unless you fully rely on yourself for everything. That is the only way to avoid all this, but sure enough there will always be another user and abuser to test you.

    I don't have any friends these days, they don't even keep in touch. I'm pretty much done with people, you get this expectation of them and they can't even stay in your life. I mean, surely we aren't that bad!?

    Good luck hope you feel better soon

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    • Posted

      Hi Debz

      I totally get where you're coming from also. Thing is with people like us is that we place everyone and everything above who we are. From friends to colleagues to bosses to people who don't even deserve our attention, however on we strive to feel the need of acceptance from the most peculiar of places. I have forgotten the amount of times I questioned myself from self help to CBT to NLP to mindfulness techniques and am embarrassed to even admit I'm qualified in these areas and yet they have little effect on me, Oh i'm great with other people giving this help but hey, there we are again back to the caregiver scenario. Where along the way did we forget to nurture ourselves? We forgot becuase of unmet needs way back never shown and or given when we needed them. At the hands of Narcissim be it initially in a parent then reinforced in our peers toward us. I never play the victim always very quick to point that out..why? because it was drummed into me never to show weakness, that would be a sin. 

      To try and grow and develop into strong level headed humans at the hands of a cruel put down tounge..quite hard so yes, I relate to you also. I'm joing MASC Mutal Appreciation Society through Cruelty..I just made that one up..and yes I am a joker through pain learned behaviour to cover up all the angish.

      Let's talk more

      Peace

      x

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    • Posted

      Yes, I actually sat myself down the other night and said "I have never put myself first!"

      And it's true-I can't remember the last time I have. Maybe we don't even know how to!? It's sad really, my mum never shows her emotions, sometimes I believe she's a robot.

      Being a good person gets you nowhere these days, don't know why but that's what I see. I don't have it in me to use people for my own gains then leave, I would only hurt myself. I really wonder how they do it!

      The thing is, there are more and more of these kinds of people now. Is it society, monkey see monkey do, they find someone "better" or what?

      Debz smile

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    • Posted

      I know that feeling, yes i've did that 'putting myself first' thing many times only to feel isolated and fake as if i need the acceptance of someone else putting me first for a change. So the end result is feelings of "what's the point". 

      I sense by your comments (and i could be wrong, certainly don't want to assume), that you are similar to me in the repect that we don't have the first clue of how to nurture ourselves. So many take yet give so little, as if we are somewhat priveledged to be helping them. Oh yes, they are polite and courteous and always 'grateful' for the care we shoiw them. These individuals will suck the very thoughts from our brains as they have little of their own, the want a quick fix, someone to tell them what they need to hear and an ego stroke.

      I am thinking...are you a crerative person by nature?

      Peace

       

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    • Posted

      Yep I end up feeling the same, you can't win!

      And I am the same-I have no clue how to look after myself, and if I try to I only feel selfish for doing so. I suppose you just can't change your personality, some people like to be selfish or use others

      I never thought I was creative by nature, but I must have been wrong because many people have told me I am!

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    • Posted

      Thank you. People similar to us are moreover creatives, our minds are a beautiful thing and this is what others crave, they want what we have and yet will denegrate it because they don't wish to be seen as needing anything but in fact they need us.

      Personality in my view is who we are, our attitude depends on who we are around.

      Personlaity dosen't change and if we try to change it, it will revert back to who we are. I too have a cold distant mother who didn't meet my needs in the 'attention' dept. My father whom i lost just some months ago was the most caring kind man placed on this planet, he gave her everything business, beautiful home he bilut for her, money cars etc she had everything she wanted and was still the most negative person ever. She projected being a victim a little lost soul when he passed but i see it for what it is now..a fake false self that i will never be able to change. I steer clear I get blamed, I visit I get blamed..i run after her, it's not enough. 

      The huge abyss she has is not mine to fill. I am thinking of moving away so I'm not called upon to be a gap fill when the preffered daughter is not there. Thugh wish i had the strength to stay and blank them. Unsure about yourself though for me this has always been the case, never fitting in and being let down by everyone. Even some freinds that i had only wanted me for advice, opinion etc then when they got it sorted..they were gone.

      What to do..i'm sure i haven't a clue. 

      Hope you day is calm unlike mine right now

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    • Posted

      It is my birthday today so it better be calm lol! smile

      Ah Im sorry to hear you lost your dad, I lost my baby boy who was 12 weeks old due to cot death less than 2 years ago.

      If our mothers still cant pull together and appreciate what they have left then I don't know. Dont know about you but I feel emotionally drained when Im around my mum.

      I never fitted in when I was in high school or college, was always seen as a shy doormat. They didnt take time to know me, its their loss.

      You are right it is not your job to make your mother happy, nothing will ever be enough because she is unhappy in herself. I only see mine once a week but she still has a negative impact on my life, im undecided whether I should even bother anymore.

      People never change, but it is not our loss!

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    • Posted

      Happy Birthday!! I hope you have a great day! And yes, a calm one lol

      I know what you mean about bringing around negative feelings just being in their presence..I am truly sorry to hear about your little one, i don't think there could be anything worse that. 

      Today is our day, I wish you a calm peaceful day with some smiles and if not, please get in touch

      Peace

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    • Posted

      Thank you! smile

      Yeah I hate when I get negative vibes off people...not cool. Awh losing my son changed everything, I'll never be the same again but life always goes on. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, it's just a nightmare.

      Thanks Peace, its been a great discussion, hope to hear from you again!

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  • Posted

    Peace

    I wish you well, you have shown your heart and someone you thought needed you has left you bruised and battered

    We all go through the same things in life and we all say never again. So your future soulmate is now waiting for you and you are free from someone who does not deserve your love.

    Personally I am a Pensioner and over the years I have bumped into many past loves who now I would pass by at a fair rate of knots.

    We all know when someone is right for us, when that person presents themselves, we all go through all negative feelings after loosing someone 

    Move on you sound very nice and will not have any problem finding Mr Right

    BOB

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