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Lost & Lonely, Need Advice!!

Posted , 6 users are following.

rchrbl
rchrbl

Hi again, this is going to be a long one, I apologize in advanced. 

Recently I started a part-time job to get me out of the house and to help pay for therapy. It's been two weeks and things are going well, although I am still a little awkward when talking to my coworkers, but I'm getting better. However, that's not the issue, the issue is that I work only two days a week leaving 5 days before my next shift. I have no friends, no car and live pretty far from the city so not much around me to actually walk to, so I spend all my time locked in my room. This is when anxiety and depression seem to set in. I get so bored and miserable which makes me feel bad and then anxiety soon follows. 3 Years ago I had a terrible breakup which I didn't handle well, I deleted all social media, isolated myself from the people I thought were my friends (another story of it's own), leaving me without any friends or people to call and talk to. I also recently came out to my family and my sexuality alone gives me anxiety because I don't know how people will react if they found out I was gay, so meeting new people is extremely challenging for me. I have a pool where I can go swimming, but it gets pretty repetitive. I feel so alone and lost. A few year ago I was highly motivated, I knew exactly what I wanted to do in life and I was actually making good money. Now I'm at a part time job where I don't see myself working long. It's also only temporary by the way and it's retail which you can imagine only triggers more anxiety. But I don't know what else to do for work, there is no fun or play in my life, I need friends I can go out and have fun and talk to, but I don't have them. My mom and sisters work Almost every day leaving me little time to spend with the only people I have to talk to. So I just feel so alone and lost. I want more for myself, a healthy social life, a career that I actually enjoy that will be able to take care of me. I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to cry because I never saw my life being this way. I don't know who I am anymore. I just feel so lost. 

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 rchrbl

    Posted

    Theres one thing you need to keep in mind through all this. Life changes on a dime. You want all thise wonderful things you keep doin you and they will come. No need to cry. You are doing what you need to do to crawl out of all this. Someyimes its baby steps and somes its just tip toeing but as ling as you are taking action to change your ways it will happen.

    when you walk by a comworker..smile and say good morning. Start slow. You do not really sound lost. You sound like you are well on your away to a better you. You got a kob and and in therapy. Wonderful start.

    impatient can cause issues. Predicting outcomes, unless positive ones can cause setbacks. Pat yourself in the back you are doing what you need to do.

    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67

      Posted

      So sorry for the typos sometimes if i correct them this site glitches and i have to start over. Hopefully you get my point.
  • helen20833
    helen20833 rchrbl

    Posted

    Hi there,

    I'm sorry you feel so at a loss

    You have to take steps forwards to get yourself out  this cycle of almost despair/negativity

    As far as being gay is concerned ?. Don't fear being judged. Those who "judge" you are not the kind of friends you need, those who matter won't care. Be yourself. This is the age of freedom, no need to hide. If others have a problem with your sexuality then it is their problem, Don't make it yours

    The work situation might not be what you want from life. That's okay. But it doesn't have to be long term anyway. It is an opportunity for social interaction. Make the effort to reach out to co-workers. See this as a stepping stone.  A practice, if you like, for when better opportunities come along

    What do you want, career wise? Ask yourself this. Instead of sitting in your room brooding look for courses you can take to better your career opportunities/ Another means of social interaction which will instill confidence in you

    Have you any hobbies?

    If you view life through a veil of negativity you will entrench yourself further into a state of hopelessness

    Start a new positive attitude

    That's the way forwards

  • borderriever
    borderriever rchrbl

    Posted

    rchrbl

    You only work a couple of days a week so most of your time is free. I usd to do Voluntary work at a Mental Health Day Centre, I worked in their Information Centre.

    In my case I was like you, my own boss with no-one around and my CPN introduced me to the centre. I was there ten years until I moved to the other end of my county, Part of my recovrry.

    At my old address I worked Voluntary on various organisations associated with the NHS. Over those years I met some wonderful people and I miss my friends in the Centre like mad. As now I have stopped all activity like that as my Wife retired with me.

    Could you find some charity to help in to encourage you to meet other people.

    Possibly is there a club associated  with your sexuality. 

    All this sounds to me as lonleyness and that can really knock us all for six.

    We live in the country now, we have a large garden, my wife loves gardening and I look after my own orchard and fruit garden. We go on holiday and have at least one day out a week. I understand you are alone, so a companion may help.

    Take little steps there are many things out there you could become involved in the skies the limit.

    If you are very low look for diversions and activities that will lift your mood. Have a wander around and look for something that will change your mood, life is full of diversions they can keep you active and make you use your brain, I was becoming stale until I looked for something I could love and do.

    Work is what you do for money, activities are things you do to keep you active and happy

    Give something like above a chance. Even if your start working  full time you could join a cycle Club etc, you will meet people there

    Whatever rings your bell.

    Good Luck

    BOB

  • jerseycorncob
    jerseycorncob rchrbl

    Posted

    My mom always taught me that when you feel bad and lonely, go do something nice for someone else!  Interestingly, even at 5, it worked.
  • phil76209
    phil76209 rchrbl

    Posted

    Hi

    I know how u feel. I also live alone and recently did the exact same thing u did after a break up. I removed myself from fb, all social media, changed my phone no, Email address so no one cud contact me even family. I isolated myself completely, no job, nothing.

    I also suffer from loneliness and hav trouble making friends cos I don't trust people and social anxiety.

    It's hard being alone and repetition can be equally unnerving thinking is this it.

    I'm glad ur in therapy and hope it's helping.

    I just want you to know ur not alone.

    Phil

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