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Hi again, this is going to be a long one, I apologize in advanced.
Recently I started a part-time job to get me out of the house and to help pay for therapy. It's been two weeks and things are going well, although I am still a little awkward when talking to my coworkers, but I'm getting better. However, that's not the issue, the issue is that I work only two days a week leaving 5 days before my next shift. I have no friends, no car and live pretty far from the city so not much around me to actually walk to, so I spend all my time locked in my room. This is when anxiety and depression seem to set in. I get so bored and miserable which makes me feel bad and then anxiety soon follows. 3 Years ago I had a terrible breakup which I didn't handle well, I deleted all social media, isolated myself from the people I thought were my friends (another story of it's own), leaving me without any friends or people to call and talk to. I also recently came out to my family and my sexuality alone gives me anxiety because I don't know how people will react if they found out I was gay, so meeting new people is extremely challenging for me. I have a pool where I can go swimming, but it gets pretty repetitive. I feel so alone and lost. A few year ago I was highly motivated, I knew exactly what I wanted to do in life and I was actually making good money. Now I'm at a part time job where I don't see myself working long. It's also only temporary by the way and it's retail which you can imagine only triggers more anxiety. But I don't know what else to do for work, there is no fun or play in my life, I need friends I can go out and have fun and talk to, but I don't have them. My mom and sisters work Almost every day leaving me little time to spend with the only people I have to talk to. So I just feel so alone and lost. I want more for myself, a healthy social life, a career that I actually enjoy that will be able to take care of me. I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to cry because I never saw my life being this way. I don't know who I am anymore. I just feel so lost.
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