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madness mayhem and alcohol

Posted , 5 users are following.

Mercybemine
Mercybemine

Afew days ago I brought to a close my 16 yr relationship? A monumental decision what needed to be made? Realising I am now totally alone I decided to brave the elements I put on my shoes (and other clothes obviously) and I took myself out and went for a walk? It was a lovelly sunny morning and my confidence grew with every step, my euphoria was short lived however when people/friends I hadn't seen in a while kept asking how I was or commenting on my health? (Had a breakdown didn't ya, hospitalised wernt ya) others asking "any money to lend me til I get paid" it all became too much and off home once again I set. Mulling the days events over in my head became incessant and felt another breakdown was on the cards. The next day I went out again even finding myself visiting the library, that was great for a while but when the crowds came I felt claustrophobic had to leave, my mistake came by way of approaching the pub and then not passing it but entering, people where happy to see me and although comments were made (health etc) I tried not to care and just got drunk? It didn't help in anyway but at the time it felt like it did, alcohol doesn't solve problems it only creates them the next day I done the same only worse as I also drank at home and then hit this forum which I sincerely apologize for, I woke up early yet again after only 2 hours sleep, no real hangover just the thoughts of the past fewdays running through my mind and I've been sitting here since, my self esteem shot to hell almost to the brink of madness but although the impulse to now drink again is strong I won't be doing it and I've realised that "FOR ME" going out is not the right thing to do at this time. I thank you all for your patients and again I apologise for using this forum while under the influence. Tha ns guys

1 like, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • zoe1976
    zoe1976 Mercybemine

    Posted

    Hello Night Owl,

    You've been very honest and good on you for that!

    To be fair, going out to "clear your head" then getting asked all those questions would drive anybody to a pub! So, you had a breakdown? There's no need for anybody to rub your nose in it. You recognised you had a problem and you dealt with it.

    Have you seen your doctor with a view to maybe trying an antidepressant or seeing a councellor? Sounds like the breakdown of your 16 year relationship has hit you harder than you thought...

    Let me know how you get on.

    All the best,

    Zoe

    • Mercybemine
      Mercybemine zoe1976

      Posted

      Hi zoe hun? Yeah I,m prescribed venalofaxin? Me breakdown was a while back due I think to the guilt I was left with when my sister died? It's just that life is so unfair sometimes and in my case every time I start to get back to basics something comes along and sets me back? Change is sometimes good but sometimes so hard to deal with? Yes I've had doubts about my decision to end my relationship but have no choice, I think of getting her back just for the company but that wouldn't be fair on her or myself, living the way I am is hard enough without the worry of how she will be when she gets in after visiting her friend? I don't know what's worse, the odd smack or kick off her or the loneliness I now feel? Thanks angel.
    • zoe1976
      zoe1976 Mercybemine

      Posted

      Hi Night Owl,

      I'm so sorry to hear about your sister - can't begin to imagine how awful that must be for you. Is the Venolaxin helping you at all? Do you think you might need something stronger?

      I think it's best to be without your ex - if you did get back with her it would be for all the wrong reasons (which you've said yourself!)

      Feeling lonely is a horrible experience and I totally understand where you're coming from. Do you have any friends who know what your going through (not the ones who ask to borrow money off of you etc.) Or, a work colleague perhaps? You can always call the Samaritans (think it's a free number!) And, I'm always here if you want to chat.

      Something my counciller suggested (might not work for you but thought I'd mention it) is to make a note each day of 5 things to appreciate. Could be "Watched a really good film" or "the weather was really nice today" - it's just an idea.

      Anyway, as I say, I'm always here for you.

      Zoe x 

    • Mercybemine
      Mercybemine zoe1976

      Posted

      Hi zoe, yes hun I have so many friends but asked them not to call til I call them when had breakdown and after having to shout at them afew times they took the hint, to be honest if I told anyone who knows me how I feel I would become a target as in my area a vulnerable person doesn't do too well? I,m happy with thus site abd communicating with strangers? They/you give me strength. My doctor wants to change my meds but they can't just switch them because they have to reduce the dosage bit at a time before swapping over and in my frame of mind it could be dangerous so best to wait til I,m stronger? So amazed by the compassionate people on this site. Thank you angel.
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Mercybemine

    Posted

    Hi , do not think any less of yourself in any way, you have taken a huge step in ending a 16 yrs relationship, it must have taken great courage, I think you have to be very kind to yourself for a long time.

    Do not let others upset you, most really do mean well and would feel terrible if they felt that they had hurt you.

     I too have been sectioned four times for alcoholic abuse, it is something that I am not ashamed of any more, I had a problem and I was helped, ( I have been well for ten years )

    Please look after YOURSELF, be kind to yourself and never ever feel that you have failed in any way, I wish you very good luck,.... and a happy healthy future...Deirdre x

    • Mercybemine
      Mercybemine deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Thanks Deirdre, feeling a tad emotional at the moment, just want to thank you fir your kind words  I,ll be right as rain again in a few. Thanks hun.
    • hope4cure
      hope4cure Mercybemine

      Posted

      De is the kindest person I know on this forum..

      u will find peace it's UR journey to take..

      I pray for u and send the angles to walk with u to show u the way..to find the strength that u will need to help sustain you thru UR path thru pain and better health to help u make peace with urself and others that will set u free.

       

  • Vickycam
    Vickycam Mercybemine

    Posted

    Leaving your ex, though it is hard, is truly a step in the right direction.  Slowly with the help of couseling, and medication (your MD is right, you need to taper off one before starting a new one) I think you'll begin to feel much better and in control of your life.  Your friends probably don't mean any harm but perhaps for awhile you should seek out other things.  Going to the library, finding new places in your city to visit, obviously not pubs, may help to divert you.  Be strong, my friend.  I'm proud of  you and am pulling for you from across the pond in New York.  
    • Mercybemine
      Mercybemine Vickycam

      Posted

      Hi vic hun, your kind msg passed through both time and space to cross the pond and reach me here in dear old England? Thanks angel, so you are a New York girl? A wonderful City from what i gather, concrete Jungle where dreams are made up Theres nothing you cant do? Haha, Ive never been myself but some of my friends have and loved it. The closest i get is watching ben Bailey, (cash cab) and judge Judy? Ha, shes on soon actually? I never posted yest because eventually ha e in to temptation? The very hot weather and loneliness playing a crucial role and i got drunk again? A fool i know but i slept well? Ha. Thanks again my sister from across the pond, our two countries are best of friends and help eachother in Times of need, it is so nice to see our citizens doing the same, thanks for your helpful/thoughful advice. Appreciated.
  • AnonymousWoman
    AnonymousWoman Mercybemine

    Posted

    Welldone Night Owl. So glad to hear you are not going to turn to drink right now as that will definitely not help you. 

    You have a good, clear perspective now. That is good and will help you get through this tough time. 

    All the best, 

    Agirl x

  • Vickycam
    Vickycam Mercybemine

    Posted

    Hi Night Owl,  Thanks for your message.  Isn't it great how we can communicate so easily?   Keep up your spirits without the "liquid spirits" as much as you can.  We here on the formum, and especially me, wish you bettter tomorrows.  
    • Mercybemine
      Mercybemine Vickycam

      Posted

      Thanks vic hun, Yes gave meself a telling off and Not drinking anymore, guess just needed to get a lot out of my system? Yes technology amazes me angel? One thing to phone anywhere in the world but to go on sites click buttons and in an instant transmit a msg that can be read by anyone anywhere in the world? Wow? I dont do Facebook and things like that? With me hun Its just the thoughts something awful is about to happen, havent been like this for ages, gp used to say Its due to depression so think go see him monday and start lowering my prescription so he can change it? Thanks for your support and kind words
  • Vickycam
    Vickycam Mercybemine

    Posted

    Night Owl,  So glad you're going to your doctor.  This definitely is a major step in the right direction.  Keep it up and all the best.
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