maybe i have depression or im bipolar

Posted , 6 users are following.

I guess a normal introduction or formal hello is needed

My name is Roberto Gutierrez, i live in florida, currently in highschool.

ive been feeling what i guess you can call low or depressed i dont know.

my parents have had other children and they all suceed but im not bieng what they call a succesful person, i guess ive been told that and screamed that so many times that i feel that now and i really dont have a good job expectancy or long life expectancy .,

i needed someone for so long to not like to cry out to but to let out my secrets or to let them hear what i think or rant and have them listen to my problems i recently found a person like that and i truly love her as a friend and shes going through kind of the same thing as me but she smokes weed and yes i somked only once with her and that day was so chill i felt like all my problems went away and that everone was gone exept for me and her which kinda made me happy. of course i wouldnt smoke weed again because i just didint like the feeling of knowing i was doing something illegal.

yesterday it was my 4 month anniversary with my girlfriend but what wieghs in my head is that everyday i lie to my dad because he wants me to have a blonde girlfriend from europe that skinny and thats tall but instead i fell in love with a girl named Jade and its been the best days of my life but i know my dad would hate me knowing i date a ecuadorian girl so i made a lie saying that i date a girl named Aj and that she white and tall and skinny of course my dad now is happy but now i live with a lie that i hate.

i have so much things i would love to tell my dad if he wasnt such a racist person and didnt get mad all the time like the time i smoked weed for the first time or when i rode 13 miles to my girlfriends house or when i found a secret little abandond park but i usualy keep it to myself or i tell only my bestfriend about it. 

i usually spend my days alone not because i hate people or anything like that but because i want to listen to my own thoughts or listen to music without the thoughts or feelings of anyone else.

recently ive thought about suicide but i know im to much of a wimp to even put the gun or knife to head or heart so i just stay alone in places listening to my music thinking about my life and what i really want to do or be in life but i guess i will never find out.

sorry this was long but i just needed to let it out somewhere and stop hiding it all the time

1 like, 5 replies

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    lies always back fire which cause added stress,i always tell the truth what ever the cost at least then no1 can say i wasent honest,try it it just might feel good
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  • Posted

    Hi sororo. Ur going through a hell of a lot for someone so young. U have your whole life ahead of you. Because yr young i cant say get up & move out as you are still in high school. Can u speak to a counsellor @ school at least to let out ur feelings'? Tell them how your feeling and unsure about the U.S but can u make an appt with a dr on your own without your parents? ( only if u feel they wont be supportive) like in your post tht seems 2 be the case.. so glad u have let ur feelings out on the forum. There's some great people on here u can talk to. I lost my dad as a child & my mum was and still is an alchoholic so was emotionally and physically absent so i get how u feel wen your young and so desperate. Weed im glad u didnt continue to use as it sounds like u have low mood & cannabis doesnt help longterm. U are worthy of the same as your siblings & u CAN achieve great things. It may take u a little longer while u get thru this but you have youth on your side. I still hide something now to please family at over 40 yrs old it takes its toll. Dont kp everyone happy. U need to be happy too. Definately talk to a school counsellor or dr. I wish u all the best :0). Hug from the uk. Xx p.s the racism u mentioned is never ok that must be hard having to kp that from yr dad. Hes wrong! Xx??

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  • Posted

    Hi Sororo - so sorry to read of your situation. What a pity you have been demeaned by your parents who sound like they have standards they expect all their children to follow. I had similar. It is disheartening to feel that you are disappointing them, when in fact they are disappopinting you. What a shame they cannot accept you as you are and be content with the individuality of you.

    I understand the apparnet benefits of smoking weed - I used it to self medicate for many years. Unfortunately, it was  a bandaid solution, covering the wound but not healing it. I would suggest prescribed medications would be better to level out your mood, yuou will need to make an appointment with a doctor for that. You must be open and honest about what is going on with you so that the right help can be administered. This may include counselling/therapist sessions where you can spill your guts in safety and in an environment where you are not demeaned or dismissed.

    I'm disturbed by your father's attitude to the private aspect of your life - your girlfriends. What a burden to have to lie about that just to cater to his prejudice. However, this is probably the safest thing you can do at the moment, as I assume you are still living under the same roof.

    Meanwhile, suicide is a step that cannot be undone - or worse, that backfires and leaves you in a worse situation than you are in now. Make that appointment with the doc and work through this. If you feel youir father will be negative about anything then don't share withg him. I'm wondering where your mother is in all this? Best of luck to you - we are always here to talk to. You are not alone.

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  • Posted

    Hi Roberto,

    When we are young our emotional senses are on high alert 'we react to many life challenges emotionally' It saddens me that you think you are not as successful as your siblings so therefore won’t have a great/long life this is normal self-doubting and should be ignored (as hard as that is to do) we are often very hard on ourselves and having a negative energy from family can make it worse! I wouldn’t worry about what your dad thinks about your girlfriend if you like her that’s the only important thing that matters tell him and see what happens it may not be as bad as you think? be careful smoking weed or maladaptive coping strategies and not a healthy alternative to feeling better my friend! Music however is a great way to adaptively improve your mood especially if you play an instrument and the satisfaction you get from playing?? Maybe look into that …… Finally suiciding is never a escape it only prevents you from really living that great life you will have! If you start to consider it seriously I really urge you to call for help there are doctors and professional who can re-align you back on track. There are too many people robbing themselves of a good life and destroying their loved ones with grief in the world sadly, please don’t be another statistical the world needs you Roberto wink keep posting let us know how you’re going man! Stevo.

     

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  • Posted

    Hi roberto. How are you feeling xxx
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