Me again, sorry.

Posted , 6 users are following.

I know i am posting an awful lot at the moment, someone from the mental health team was supposed to call me back today, no call and now they are closed so i need some support.

The anxiety and agoraphobia are bad at the moment but i have continued to face my fears, one thing really troubles me though and i don't understand it.

So let's say i go to the supermarket, cafe, etc with my hubby, i will feel anxious but somehow manage it then right at the end it gets worse, at the moment as we leave the shop or cafe to go back to the car my anxiety builds, walking back to the car i feel on the verge of collapse.

I get in the car and take some breaths, gather myself and feel better but that walk from shop to car or cafe to car etc is awful, i dread it so much now and cannot understand why it happens, after all the hard part is done right? The shop, the cafe, being in the busiest environment is over so why the huge wave of panic and feeling like i will collapse on the way back  to the car? I just do't understand it at all sad

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    You used every ounce if yourself to hold it together in the shop. Thats fantastic. You feel its safe to let loose after.thats all it is. Handle it the same way and let yourself know you are safe and this will soon pass. Its like when you are little and someone by mistake hits you and it hurts but your areakund people so you want to seem good then you leave the area and cry. Its like that. Thats okay just allow yourself the feeling and be okay with it. Dont feed into it.
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    • Posted

      Thank you Lisa that makes so much sense, i still have to hold onto my husband's arm at the moment whilst out walking which is very frustrating but gives me some sense of stability, you are spot on with why this happens, i do try to put on a brave face around people and keep that tense hold on myself so i can see why the panic rises when i let go of that tense hold,i will allow it and go with it, just accepting it as part of the current situation i am in.

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  • Posted

    I agree with Lisa

    When you are out you are tense, holding it all together, battling the anxiety. Fighting it

    Once you are on the "return " journey you physically let go of that tension, knowing you are about to escape, so to speak. The loosening of that grip makes you feel weak, faint, wobbly.

    That's used to happen to me Bella.

    but as Lisa wisely told me, What's the worst that can happen?

    That's my mantra now. It carries me through everything, simple as that might sound

    I'm a lot older than you, had agoraphobia many years longer than you. Nothing bad ever happened to me, nothing bad will ever happen to you. All the scenarios that ran round my head did not exist outside of my imagination

    I never fainted

    I never went mad

    Never embarrassed myself in public in any shape, manner or form.

    All those years I wasted in fear!!!

    Once I realized that, once I utilised Lisa's magic mantra, my symptoms lessened, became manageable.

    Nothing happened to me

    Nothing will happen to you

    Hugs from Helen

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    • Posted

      Thank you Helen,

                                  I will hold onto your words, deep down i know that panic is the worst thing that can happen but that panic i so intense at the moment that i have to really convince myself that i can cope with it.

      It happened again this morning, that feeling as we went back to the car, i was more accepting of it today and didn't try to fight it, i even let go of my husband's arm to walk around to 'my' side of the car but sadly that only increased the panic i was feeling and my symptoms worsened until i was sat down i my seat.

      I am trying not to let it upset me too much, i know it did me no harm, i am still here, still safe, still fine but it's been a very bad 24 hour.

      ,I have migraines and had an awful one yesterday afternoon that i still feel unwell and drained from and i always wake up panicky but this morning it was more intense than ever,i was struggling to even brush my hair where i was all shaky and lacking co-ordination with full blown panic i am trying to stay positive though, the miracle is that i still walked out of the door even going through that so i keep telling myself i must be stronger than i think xx

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    • Posted

      Aw, I get migraines! They are hell on earth

      Yes, you are stronger than you think because you keep trying. But please don't "force " yourself too much! That creates added stress. Don't think " I have to do this!" in panic

      Think, as calmly as you can, " I can do this "

      When, say, you are struggling to brush your hair ( or whatever it might be) and are shaky and panicky ) just carry on as best you can. Don't think I can't do this! I'm shaking! My arms and legs are all over the place!

      Shaking, wobbling, dropping things. Been there. Done that. Cried a river. But, and this is a big ask, don't let the mind and symptoms defeat you. Just carry on doing what you're doing, ride it out, honey, stay with it

      We're all here for you honey smile


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    • Posted

      Thank you Helen,

                                   Migraines are awful aren't they? Mine leave me feeling very hungover for a few days,not nice at all.

      I shall try not to force myself so much, at the moment i would dearly love to let go of my husband's arm whilst out but if i do it just revs up the paniceven more,  now and then i find myself able to for a short time but i refuse to force the issue, he once said 'Maybe you should just make yourself let go', he was trying to be helpful but i told him that is not the way to do it.

      I got my hair done in the end, it looked a fine mess lol but anyway i did just think 'well i will do it as best i can', it's horrible really but it's just about muddling through to the best of our abilities and refusing to allow that panic to dictate too much, thank you again, i really appreciate the advice x

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    • Posted

      Bella, if you feel more comfortable hanging onto your husband then hang on to him. When I go to the supermarket I hang onto the trolley like grim death, lol

      The thing with hanging onto something or somebody is, it makes us feel grounded., stable balance wise

      Nothing wrong with that. We do what we have to do to give us confidence..

      Where's the sense in forcing ourselves to let go of an arm, a trolley or whatever? To add stress by proving we can? Huh

      You had your hair done! Wonderful! We look good we feel good, right? I can feel like hell but when I get up I dress nice, fix my hair. I don't want to look in the mirror and see the outside of me looking like I might feel on the inside, lol

      You're doing great, gal Be proud

      Hugs Helen xxxx

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  • Posted


    Try breathing Techniques your CPN should be able to assist here and also a arrange some desensitising Techniques.

    Your mental health team should be back onto you soon. The system is creaking at the seams at this time it may have been a callout or something like that

    You have no reason to apologise, You just get well

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    • Posted

      Thank you, hopefully i will hear something from the mental health team soon, i know the services are under a lot of strain but they leave me for weeks with no support at all which is a huge struggle.

      I will give them another call today to see if there is any progress with them arranging a visit or call.

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    • Posted

      You are doing well with all this. Be very proud of yourself. Look back at all your progress nit at your downfalls. You are now shopping, eating iut, activities with the kids and you got your hair done!  You write of the negatives, nonono bella you have a ton a ton of positives going on. You still need to retrain your thoughts here. Next outing when you walk out of the store i want you to focus on the trees or the sky or the birds..focus on nature around you and see if you can notice the beauty of it. See if that helps you. 
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