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me fibro, partner cancer - how to be there for him

Posted , 5 users are following.

protegemoi
protegemoi

Hello,

my partner has metastatic prostate cancer and his values are once again getting worse. Doc already mentioned chemo as one next option. I want to be there for him but today, he took again the role of the caretaker as I am in bad pain - that sucks! And I am worried about the future. At one point I will have to be able to take care of him, and I also want to be the one to do that, so I can't break down in pain. To be very clear: In my opinion, I should be the one who supports him, not the other way around.

Guess I just needed some cathartic writing but if anyone here has any suggestions on how to deal with the whole mess, you're very welcome to reply. Thanks. smile

1 like, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • mags1909
    mags1909 protegemoi

    Posted

    Hiya Toots, My husband and I both don't keep well and we support each other. Today he was having the "bad day" so I have taken care of him. Somehow, someway you do, because you care. We have both agreed that when the day comes neither of us will be too proud to ask for outside help. You clearly are already there for each other and so far coping, but remember help is available if you need it. My thought and prayers will be with you both xxx
    • protegemoi
      protegemoi mags1909

      Posted

      Thanks for your fast and lovely reply! You are right, outside help will definitely be an option. The problem is that, having the "less serious" disease (no offense to all fellow sufferers, it is terrible - but at least not fatal) and being much younger, I somehow expect from myself to be the one with more power, who can give more. But I will try to respect my own limits. Again, thanks! It is also great to read that you and your husband support each other (I have heard about many couples where that is not the case). Thinking of you two as well, wish  you all the best! xxx
  • christine26761
    christine26761 protegemoi

    Posted

    My prayers go out you both precious..,all I can suggest is to have a large group of people/family/friends or whoever you can get around you to help when needed.also my husband is my carer and he took seriously ill at the beginning of the year, he was told his odds by the operating doc..didn't look to good at all...,it ended up with a great result..but I couldn't believe how I handled it..it was like my pain didn't exist...you both have a wonderful Christmastime and I pray things will improve in 2015...:-) Australia...
    • protegemoi
      protegemoi christine26761

      Posted

      Thank you, that is indeed a good suggestion (though not always easy to find people who are really willling to help. I guess you know that...but fortunately there are also a few people on whom we can count biggrin. I am glad to read that things have turned out well for your husband! Wish you two a happy Christmas time and all the best! Gentle hugs from Germany
  • anne90395
    anne90395 protegemoi

    Posted

    Hello,

    My heart goes out to you. What an awful dilemma for you both. I suspect you will both be a great support to each other, and either one will be able to step up to the mark when necessary. Like what one of the other people on here said, it will be important to have a network of support when you both need it. I wish you all the best. Take care, Anne

    • protegemoi
      protegemoi anne90395

      Posted

      Hi Anne,

      thank you for your kind words. Yes, we do support each other and are both willing to continue doing so (he just won't be able to anymore at one point, but I guess I should focus on the moment). Having a network of supporters will certainly be important then. Already reading the compassionate answers here makes me feel better!

      Sending you my best wishes xx

    • anne90395
      anne90395 protegemoi

      Posted

      Hello again,

      Thanx for taking the time to reply. If it helps to keep talking on here, please do. I for one would like to know how you are getting on.

      I see you live in Germany, is that your nationality? I only ask because I lived in Germany many years ago. My Dad was in the Army, and we lived in a place called Enge (not sure of spelling). Whereabouts do you live? Have very fond memories of my time in Germany.

      Take care, Anne xx

  • doloroso
    doloroso protegemoi

    Posted

    Hi protegemoi,

    Just came across your post. I do sympathize with you and have been touched by the extremely kind people who have been writing encouraging words to you. Being in pain and having to care for a loved one is extremely trying but an inner strength is always found isn't it? Life throws so much at us especially as we are ageing! Thinking of you and your husband. Sending lots of positive thoughts and vibes to you both for a Serene and Healthier 2015. G-d Bless you both xxx

  • cristian46692
    cristian46692 protegemoi

    Posted

    Hi Protegemoi.

       I just want to tell you that I'm the same as you ,me with so much pain for more than 3 months ,and my wife with breast cancer ,I want to be there for her 100 % but I haven't been able to do it lately especially the last couple weeks ,the pain it's getting worse at the point that I can't handle it I have seen 4 doctors and after ,x-rays ,ultrasound,and t2 MRI ,the doctors don't know what I have ,finally I decide to go for acupuncture and I been diagnosed with carpal tunnel,I really dont think I have carpal tunnel,because of my symptoms,after an injection in the carpal ,I'm still with the pain,so will see I have to go back to see the acupuncture MD to see what else I have to do ,so I can Live a normal life and be there for my wife ,like it should be.

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