Melbi.

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hi melbi..how was lunch today,hopeyou had a nice time.I a lovely time over my mums.Went to town.was in the middle of woolworths when i thought i was going to have a panic attack.my mum made me go outside and get some air...i was fine! :? Get so cross when i get like that...perhaps it was these tablets stopping it..anyway had a realy nice day.hope you had a good time to.kim.xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Kim

    We didn't do lunch :shock:

    Instead I went for a long quiet walk by myself - gave me some good thinking time and hey! I only looked at the water once and thought about jumping in it lol.

    I've come to the conclusion that I haven't got a clue what I want or rather what it is that would make me content or happy or even feel okay with myself.

    I have met a wonderful guy (yesterday) okay so they all start out so wonderful - lol they know what to say and when. Anyway, he seems like a nice guy and this has got me thinking.

    Am I looking for happiness and contentment through a guy? Could I ever be happy and content without a man in my life?

    Do I enjoy the grief and upset they cause me when I start to mis trust them? Am I one of those people who thrive on being sad?

    I don't know - I seem to meet someone who really cares and I go and mess it all up because I'm a doubting Thomas! Or I start asking myself is this guy really what I want.

    I have had those crazy brain things again this afternoon - they have to be the worse part of the withdrawal symptoms. Also mega headaches - I am putting them down to the over use of codiene.

    Well anyway, coming off the tablets and starting to think again. This time due to what has been happening to me (being off work sick, those tablets making me feel crazy, too much time on my hands etc) I am now starting to think about me, what I want, what is it I need, am I happy with my work, life, is there something I could change and so on.

    I am very aware now of what I do with alcohol and tablets - well I've always been aware but I have now admitted to myself what I am doing and asking myself why I feel the need to do it. What is it in my life that makes me like I am and what can I change to change that.

    I'm glad your day went well Kim - and the fresh air would have helped and possibly the tablets.

    HIM! Yes him lol has asked to meet to chat so I have agreed providing he can make it for 6:30 tonight. We will go for a walk and hopefully sort things out. Maybe we will, maybe we won't - who knows unless I go and try.

    Melbi x

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  • Posted

    Hi..sorry i thought u said u were going out for lunch! Glad ur ok..ive been feeling really naff since i got back.really anxious and dizzy. ..mind u i only had 2 hours sleep last night...might be that.Hope u get on ok tonight with u know who :wink: let me know how u get on..kim.xx
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  • Posted

    I was LOL

    but since when have my plans ever gone right lol

    Hope you are feeling better tomorrow.

    [u:f95d66cd8f][b:f95d66cd8f]The[/b:f95d66cd8f][/u:f95d66cd8f] meeting is as 9:30pm now lol in the pub arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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  • Posted

    Hi melbi,hope THE meeting went ok...Did u give him wat for.. :D not long been up,still feeling dizzy but then i always seem to feel dizzy so nothing new!my hubby is going to his dads b-day party tom and as i dont want to go his going on his own...its 2 hours drive and i cant cope with that at the mo!and i dont want to drink..the thought of being surrounded by his family all drunk with me completly sober does nothing for me.so im going to stay here with my 9yr old get a good film and icecream and enjoy the peace... :evil: MEN......selfish******his family are a pain anyway.i dont need much of an excuse not to go.and then he says dont worry i will be home early sunday morning!why thanks...thats so nice!!! :roll:Heres to another sunny day b4 the snow comes again....take care.kim.xxx
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  • Posted

    Morning Kim and all

    The meeting went okay lol.

    Got in the pub settled down in a corner so we could talk, next thing some loud mouthed woman and her fella came in and sat opposite us and would she shut up! She kept talking to us - when we tried to ignore her she would get louder lol! Surely she could we see were trying to have a quiet chat!

    Anyway in the end we left and came back to mine - you guessed it both my kids were still up! Well they finally left us alone at around midnight or just after!

    So we never really had the heart to heart chat but more a quick discussion on this that and everything else that had been going wrong between us.

    We have sorted things and it's back on! Hoping we can get to go for a walk tomorrow and have a really good chat about everything.

    I'm absolutely shattered this morning - not telling you lot the little details lol but he didnt leave until the early hours this morning - just before sunrise!

    I'm still having those weird brain zaps - they aren't absolutely unbearable but they aren't nice either.

    Are we really to have more snow?

    Enjoy your film - I love it when we get a film and some snacks to munch on. Enjoy the peace and quiet - have a really relaxing bath, pamper yourself then settle down with your son and enjoy the time together.

    I have fround that is the one thing my 2 still enjoy doing together as a family - there aren't many things they do like to do as afamily as they get older lol

    I'm going to go and see my doctor on Monday hopefully and see whether I can get back to work the week after next.

    Melbi xxx

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