Mid-twenties and still anxious when my mum leaves!

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I've had problems with anxiety for around 10 years now and, while I do still get the odd flare-up, it's generally well-controlled with medication and self-help (it's taken a very long time to get to this point!).

Growing up, my mum was always my lifeline and was the one person I would turn to when I was having a really difficult time. In 2009 I went to university about 90 minutes away from home, stayed in my uni town after graduation unitil last year when I moved to London (about 2 hours from my parents).

While I now generally don't need to lean on my mum as much as I used to, I get really bad anxiety and panic attacks in certain situations - namely when I've spent time with her (either visiting my parents or them visiting me) and I/she then leaves. I generally don't feel like I need to be around her or nearby most of the time, it's only when she's been there and is then going.

Obviously not visiting isn't an option, and I absolutely love seeing my parents. Can anyone relate to this and, if so, how do you deal with it?

Thanks in advance.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Perhaps seeing your Mum or both your parents "reminds" you of how much you needed them and the "bad" place you were in. Perhaps when your Mum is leaving there is a shadow of fear hanging over you, that deep down you might "need" her and she is going. I truly do not know. But  such reminders, whatever shape or manner they come in, are never pleasant. You have made impressive strides in dealing with your problem so take heart in that. Don't look back on unhapper times smile When you see your Mum just enjoy the time together. When she leaves, she leaves knowing you are managing. She was there when you needed her and I don't doubt she is proud of your strength and determination in overcoming the problem. Any parent would be proud

    Don't worry this into the ground and best wishes smile

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    • Posted

      The thing is, I know she will always be there at the end of the phone the second I need her (which is thankfully rarely now!). I feel bad that, on the last day of her visiting me (which will be her only holiday this year), I started the day with a panic attack - I tried to hide it from her, but she knew.

      I've always been very independent and being away from home never bothered me, per se. I've just got very upset this afternoon now she's gone, even though I'm calling in at my parents' house on Wednesday night! I don't pine for her or wish I was at home, but it's so hard when she's there and then she's not. Testament to what an amazing mum she is and how much she's done for me, I guess!

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    • Posted

      Indeed! You have a wonderful Mum! To be honest, my eldest son lives right around the corner from me and pops in several times a week. We are very close and have a loving relationship. Your post struck me because at times when I know for sure he is about to visit I my anxiety is elevated and when he has left the hollow feeling is in the pit of my stomach.

      I guess it's the mother/child bond thing. It's the only reason I can come uip with, James. What was interesting was that you mentioned that this was the only holiday  your Mum would have this year. Please, please don't feel guilty about that. As a Mum I can say hand on heart the time we spend with our children, perhaps more so with our adult children because we are not there with and for them 24/7, is more precious than any fancy 5 star resort anywhere in the world!

      You are a credit to your parents smile

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    • Posted

      A one off Xanax! Oh, I laughed until I cried, I swear I did. Thanks for that, James! Now me, I'm on sertraline 50mg a day and you'd have to rip my arm off and break my fingers to prise me away from my daily med!

      One off...oh dear me!..So funny..heehee xxx

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    • Posted

      LMAO!!! Oh dear, it hurts! MY ribs ache..like I don't have enough aches and pains....oh...your fault! And I slurped my coffee all down my chin and sweater...heehee..can't stop laughing...heehee

      You are so droll! This has made my day, it really has xxx

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