Mirtazapine - The Happy/Sad Situation

Its interesting to hear how long it took you yo get back on track,I dont think Im going to recognise feeling better anymore because I still cant remember how pre illness me felt!

If everything else in my life was normal I would be just about OK but 13 year old daughter has nad horrendous couple of days and says such aw3ful things to me Shes like the voices in my head.I know shes distressed but she causes so much stress I dread her coming home from school because Im afraid of what shell be like.

I have been trying to walk as I cant manage the gym,but sadly today only as far as macdonalds for a milkshake I promptly threw up again as per.Am much more tearful so maybe emotions are coming back,still feel empty,but on lots of drugs and so thats no suprise.home intervention team handing me over to next stage team in a week or so,am scared

Jo

Jo,

You say you have no emotios but remeber being scared & crying are showing your emotions.

I cry and also feel scared sometimes and I enjoy them as they are human traits that we all have.

Don't try to analyze things to much

You are what you are

I once read a passage that helped me:

[i:80e0dfa620]The elephant does not want to be an eagle and the eagle does not want to be an elephant.

They have accepted who and what they are as they don't know different.

In fact they have not even accepted who or what they are as they don't know any different.

An elephant is used to being large, clumsy, roaming the earth looking for food.

An eagle is used to being small, light and will soar high looking for food.

They have both accepted without knowing it that they are what they are.

How obsurd would it be if an Eagle wanted to land on the ground and hunt for food and how obsurd would it be if a Elephant want to soar into the sky swooping down on food below.[/i:80e0dfa620]

Its only a small passage but by wishing you were normal. You have to ask \"What is normal ?\"

I read your posts and feel so much for you as you want to be normal. Normal is a as normal as you want it be.

You have amazing traits that make you unique and you should never wish to change them.

Infact you could even take it to the level that you don't confirm with the average person therefore it makes you more unique.

In the modern soceity we live in so many people are trying to be different which makes you very unique.

Live with the fact you are amazing , an individual who is going through a hard time but has a unique trait.

You don't want to be a Elephant or a Eagle you are just happy being you

We and your family all care for you so much

If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have joined this forum so you are actually helping people with your own individual & unique traites.[/i]

:roll:

Dear Craig,

Many thanks for your experience, I was moved but also motivated by the frankness you have exhibited.

I too have suffered depression for many years. At the age of seven I was diagnosed with severe migraine, a monster that has followed me all my life. Today, I am on incapacity (at my Consultant's (Neurological) request). In the past I had high-power jobs in I.T. Banking, now I am the house-husband.

My first wife died tragically 10 years ago this coming February. She Committed suicide. We still miss her very much and struggle to pass through anniversaries each year. I have two daughters; one is married with her own family, the other is a Doctor and I'm proud of the way they have kept going despite our shared grief.

My wife's death had the effect of sending me into deep depression and the migraine attacks to become horrendous, over 20 a month is not uncommon. Mirtazapine has begun to help me, yesterday it ws increased to 30mg a day. I cannot have my wife back, cannot re-write what has passed, but still find it a great difficulty to live with.

I have re-married and again have a fine wife, she's a tower of strength when I get really down. In two weeks time we are going to Jamaica where she will spend 3 weeks and I will spend 7. It's good to have family there who welcome us always. I was particularly interested to hear you are returning to exercising, this I intend too. I am hoping to get in plenty of swimming but also to return to running and jogging like I used to.

Having something to look forward and support from friends and family has always helped me through the bad patches, my faith in human nature has been bolstered often by unexpected kindnesses. I feel for Jo in her experience too. There is a limitation to what the Health Services can do for us, although I do wish they had a magic wand. Forums like this I hope can help us encourage one another, particularly when we are down. Unfortunately, that's when I won't put finger to key-board.

I've set myself some goals for Jamaica:

To be walking 3 miles a day and running 2 by the time I come home.

To be swimming half a mile.

To have sorted my diet by removing most caffeine and rarely drinking alcohol (doesn't mix with migraine anyway).

To have restricted TV to 30 mins per day.

To have got back to 15mgs Mirtazapine (I know I have to be careful here)

To have reduced my Migraine attacks significantly.

'Pie in the sky', maybe. But I am going to give it my best shot!

All the best to you all,

Keep writing,

Stiofain

Stiofain,

Good luck my friend

Your goals are a great thing to have even if you don't manage them all in a day remember 1 thing:

[b:377fc6cfea][i:377fc6cfea]A LITTLE BIT OF SOMETING IS BETTER THAN BIG BIT OF NOTHING[/i:377fc6cfea][/b:377fc6cfea]

Thank you so much for beautiful words.it means so much that you care enough to say these things to me.Actually today I am feeling scared AND anxious so I guess the emotions are on their way back in ,I should be glad but I am afraid I wont be able to cope again.On the voices front I am feeling better I think they seem less of a problem.I stnotill cant eat properly,I think I am bullimic,its all gone too far to be just a phase.But cutting legs now.It really helped to hear from someone who has lost a loved one through suicide because its still there in the back of my mind as a final'get out clause'if it gets too much.To realise that even though I am a crap parent but that even thats better than not being there makes carrying on make that little bit more sense.

Still on mirtazapine 45 olanzapine 10 and diazepam 15mg a a day,think maybe raised dose of mirtazapine may be starting to work but only because I feel anxious so oddly must be returning to the land of the functioning as I was always anxious.

Today the home intervention team come again,they will stop soon,that isnt like a step forward as am scared.

Keep writing it really helps!

JO x : :?

Sorry NOT cutting legs still,but still bullimic

Jo,

No worries

We will always be here for you

I hope you feel better and you know that you are not alone.

Hopefully will have a good day today and remeber that you are unique and amazing. You do things that we all do everyday BUT you also do unique things.

I'm sure when you feel better that your daughter will understand just how ill you are. A 13yr has a lot running through her mind and I'm sure she doesn't realise what she is doing. She does not hate you or dislike you it's just the way all teenagers react . There will always be goods times & bad times. Life is like a book and soon this chapter will end and another will open.

[i:92d7b4b686][b:92d7b4b686]It's so easy to laugh,It's so easy to hate

It takes guts to be gentle and kind[/b:92d7b4b686][/i:92d7b4b686]

CraigyB

xx

Yesterday instead of feeling empty I cried and cried and felt badlly anxious all day.However home intervention team person came and pointed out the following:

its actually good not to feel nothing even if its scary

Voices are really quiet now and even suicidal ones onlt there when I feel really bad

no more cutting of legs

can express feelings

OK so I cant eat more than a bowl of cereal withut having to throw up everything else for the rest of the day and the future,or thinking about it still fills me with waves of fear and despair,but if I take it hour by hour I can keep going.I can recognise the thoughts in my head as being mine too,even if they are negative ,so things must be getting better even if Im uncertain about so many things

JO x :wink:

Thats fantastic, you are doing so well Jo

Feeling really tearful and low,because Ive been on my own all day for 3 months(during work hours)I have run out of things to do and the things I have to look forward to arent enough.Today I have to go to an occupational health interview for work,it was awful last time.

I want to feel reasonably content thats all,not anxious,agitated and generally full of woe!

Everyone else seems to be getting better and I am banging on the light bulb like a moth,just getting nowhere.I tell myself this is too much,I have to try to be positive but I have no friends I can talk to,I am scared of my 13 year old because her temper tanrums are too much on top of everything else,this is ot the life I want

Jo

The home intervention person today said that its good my feelings of anxiety and tearfulness are coming back because feeling nothing although nothing has been protecting me from all the difficult to face stuff.lots of psycotherapy tp face to deal with all that.god but days go so slowly now,I dread return from school or friends of 13 year old,dread her frequent temper outbursts and just am scared of her full stop.I know I have made her worse by my actions lately but I dont know how much longer I can cope with the savage nature of her temper tantrums.We go to therapy for this as well,some of it has to work doesnt it?

Still would press the old suicide button if it existed,this is a miserable existance and i wish I wasnthere

Jo x

Still feeling really low and tearful,awful anxiety is back,really cant see anything positive.Went to the gym today but am so tired it was pointless too,am in such a frame of mind that am scared of even the smallest confrontation at home and am putting awful strain on marriage.Feel like am never going to get better. :cry:

Hi Jo, don't expect too much of yourself, i too have been simalar to you, i have ok days and other days are filled with dread. It is a struggle and hard for people around you too, i have followed your posts and you do seem a little better. Fighting this is hard, i know i do it every day, keep fighting girl you will get better . Take care x :wink: [size=18][/code][/i][/b]

Ive been on this site a few times and read peoples experiances and how they are dealing with what life has thrown at them and Jo your posts have really moved me.

Im a 23 year old girl who last november was placed on cipralex after years of hidden depression. After many side effects ruining my days i have been moved to zispin, and my first dose is this evening. Im terrified.

However reading your posts craig has given me some strength.

Jo, its clear that you have alot going on in your head, not everything works for multiple people but i had alot of trouble expressing my feelings and my partner bought me a gorgeous book to start a diary. On a daily basis at any time of the day i write down my thoughts, feelings and activities of the day. I keep a log of time and dates so i can look back and see my progression, if there is any.

It doesnt matter what time you make an entry, some of mine are noon, some are 2am. After a while i started to let my partner read my entrys so he could try and understand and fully appreciate what was going on in my head.

As your daughter is only 13 i cant see her understanding what is happening to you completely, and she's probably somewhat scared that your ill in a way she cant see or help. However if you allowed her to read some of what you go through in a day she may understand her actions and how they are making you feel. 13 year olds notice more than we give them credit for.

Ive found that paper has been my best listener. And i havent felt shy, awkward or scared at putting my thoughts down on it as paper doesnt judge. It just listens. It cant help to try?

x

I have juat been prescribed mirtazapine after trying pretty much everything else over the past few years. I had the usual side effects like drowsiness and sicknes. Anyway will get to point instead of waffling a whole essay. After readin ur post I am concerned about your side effect of increased appetite. I am severely overweight and obereat constantly. Now I am reluctant to take these in ase this affects me in the same way/ Is the incresed appetite a common effect. Do you or anyone else know?