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I know this gets asked a thousand times but I just wanted somewhere to vent my experiences so far and I really don't want to bother or concern anyone in my life. I told a few people I was on Mirtazipine and warned them that I was coming off them. But now that I am in the thick of it, I can't tell if I am overthinking things or my own thoughts so I don't want to burden anyone.
I started on 15mg about 8 months ago after I was getting anxiety and low mood, which I've always had. But they were exceptionally bad because of the situation in my personal life - being in a relationship with someone who was always in some sort of stressful situation and would give me hell about stressing them out if I spoke about my own feelings. I was their support for a year and it pushed me over the edge. So I went to a doctor, who started me on the meds. In their wisdom within 2 months the doctor had me on their maximum dose, 45mg - they said the side effects are better on the highest dose (this seems at odds with everything I've since read on forums like these).
It definitely helped with the low mood and the insomnia, but after I was no longer needed as a crutch, the relationship ended. After a few months I processed this, but the medication left me feeling groggy, apathetic and bloated/heavier than I have ever been (I always struggled with weight gain, now I have a moon face).
So I decided to come down off them. The doctor lowered me to 30mg for a month, had no issues at all. So a month later went back and down to 15mg to review again in a month. I've been on 15mg for a few days now. Didn't feel that different at first but now I am not sure what is going on. I haven't had any physical symptoms (yet), but I seem to be irrationally upset about things - at least I think I am being irrational. That's the hard thing. Like, a few friends I saw on social media went out last night, and didn't mention it. Even though the logical part of me is like - a few people went out independently and all hooked up since they were out. And I'm now sitting having stared at the ceiling wondering if anyone would know if I ever just vanished. This isn't me.
So... sorry for the long story, but has anyone experienced similar on similar doses? I'm not normally a dramatic person. I'm due to go to a wedding party tonight and I've turned my phone off and am sitting in my room in the dark - I haven't done anything socially/left the house for about 8 days. I can't face it.
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