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I would consider myself a strong individual, though I've made plenty mistakes in life and then some. I met my ex about 8 years ago. 6 years ago we got married. 6 months ago we separated. I've had depression and anxiety and mood disorders all my life, but I have been better than most in dealing with all these disorders. Anxiety no longer controls me. Depression is for someone else. Realism and logic are helping with mood swings.
But I miss my ex. We are still technically married. We'll be filing for divorce soon. We are not enemies. She promised to be close and friendly, but at the worst possible time for me, she flaked. Not on purpose, but it is what it is. She seems to be over me and our family (no kids, just dog). We shared so much. We were so close. So close that we couldn't call each other by our names. We had nicknames for each other. She, dog, myself and the open road. Endless trips to nature and all around. Never cared about someone as much as I cared about her. She did too, but something happened in the last 4 years that completely broke me (unrelated to the marriage). And I was laid off twice. And just when things started to get to back to normal, I got a great great job, started getting physically healthy, was ready for anything and everything, she shutdown and eventually wanted to leave. I let her go, but I have been dying ever since. I miss her more than I can cope with. I was angry at her for a while and that was my coping mechanism. Now, she is coming back (she was visiting her family in another country), I am feeling so sad that I simply don't know how to build my life without this person in my life. I am very independant and I am not the one to believe in soul mates. But she she is my soulmate and I don't know what to do now. I wish I could find a way to restart the fire in her heart, but I am pretty sure it's late for that. I can't accept that someone who was so close to me, could feel nothing for me within a year. I don't understand women anymore. For a pretty liberal dude, I am more or less old school when it comes to relationships, and I simply don't understand the modern woman. I am sorry, I am just a little sad because it's been a while now and I am not feeling better.
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