Move or Stay, Old age.

Posted , 8 users are following.

When I lost my partner last year, we lived in Shropshire. The Grandkids rescued me, and took me to Staffordshire. A hectic place. I want to move back home, to another house, the original property was sold....should I stay with kds or move back home to Shropshire, spent many nights crying about it, cheers, George..

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16 Replies

  • Posted

    I feel so sorry for you George.

    I think this is a decision only you can make for yourself which I know is easier said then done.

    Perhaps in the very initial, raw stages of your grief the hectic family environment brought a bit of welcome distraction and comfort.

    Perhaps you've moved to a different stage of grief now, where some quieter time in a familiar place, where I'm sure you shared many happy times with your partner, will comfort you in a different way now.

    I don't know your story and I really do think this is a decision you will have to make for yourself. I think either decision you make will bring feelings of unease as to whether you've made the "right" decision or not.

    There's not really any way of knowing how you're going to feel until you actually make that change.

    You're saying you want to go back home, is there something stopping you? Do you feel some sort of guilt that you'll be leaving your family who rescued you? Because from what I can see is that they clearly care a great deal about you, and will ultimately want you to make the decision that is best for you and makes you the most happy.

    All I would say is that I'm sure you're still grieving your loss, and that it must be really tough.

    Is there a way you can try moving back home but leave the door open for you to return to your family if you feel you've made the wrong decision?

    It's often said that big decisions should not be made in times of grief and sadness and stress, and so if you could maybe discuss how you feel with your family, that you want to try and see how you'll feel and cope moving back home, I'm sure they'll support you and welcome you back with open arms if you decide you aren't quite ready yet and need to make the move back to be near them?

    I realise I'm not being very helpful.

    I just hope you can hold on to the fact that your family obviously love you a great deal and whatever you decide to do doesn't have to be forever. Take things gradually and allow yourself time to adjust.

    Take care of yourself, try and put yourself under a little less pressure and maybe even just being open with your family about your conflicting feelings will help you feel more sure in your decision about what is best for you.

    All my love and sympathy xx

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  • Posted

    My greatest sympathy George for your great loss.

    It is easy for me to understand how you feel, but is equally easy for me to comprehend why your Grandkids have acted in the way that they have - to protect you.

    We on this forum do not know what all your circumstances are, but a hint of where your heart lies hidden within what you have said, in that you have 'spent many nights crying about it'.

    Life is short enough George without you crying about anything.

    At the end of the day George nobody can actually advise you what the right thing is for you to do.

    If it was me, then I would do what suited me, and go to live where I would feel most comfortable and at ease with myself.

    If that is with your Grankids - fine, but if that is back in Shropshire - then that is maybe where you need to be.

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  • Posted

    George,

    maybe you should give it a little bit longer with your'e Grandkids, as lonlieness is one of the worst things.  I have experienced alot of lonliness in my life, despite having a supportive husband and a teenage son.  Lost alot of friends through being depressed and moving around perhaps too much,  I do know that social contact - even a passing chat with someone in a shop, cheers me up considerably.  Sitting at home in silence waiting for the phone for ring which it hardly ever does is just like being  half alive.

    Give it a bit more time I would say.

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    • Posted

      Hello Carole.  I have lived alone for 30 years and it gets worse day by day.  I do go out as much as I can, but depression itself is a lonely place.  I do have family and they see me when they can.  My phone hardly ever rings either.  I go on bus just to get out.  Sometimes find it hard to talk to other people.
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  • Posted

    Hiya George - um a difficult question.  I think you have to weigh it up in your mind.  If you went back to Shropshire would you be lonely living on your own and away from your family?   Do you have a lot of friends there?   Would it revive unhappy memories?    Maybe instead of buying a house there you could buy a flat in an independant living block.   That might ease your famlies worries and you would have company around you.   Also if in the future you needed help it would be there. 

    How much would you miss your family?   Why don't you go back for a few days to see how it feels to you now?   Explore your options George but don't forget if you did move back the decison is not irreversible,  you could always change your mind again.  Take care and stop crying or I will have to come round and sort you out! lol

    bev x

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    • Posted

      Trust you to cheer me up Bev,,,, im in a bit of a "lost zone" at present, not knowing what to do. to tell you the truth, the cut and thrust of city life really scares me, honest.  shropshire was nice and quiet and myself and christine lived there for years....I am not sure if I can cope alone in my old county....rather than this hectic one...I think its coming roubd to coping with changes, which I do not have a current strategy for.............sri, Bev, mega low today, I would have thought I would have grown out of it at my age, George in Staffs.

       

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    • Posted

      Hi George no one is ever too old to be an old fool and I mean that in the nicest possible way smile   Join the old fools club as I am a founder member...

      Do you actually live in the city?   If so could you move out more into the suburbs where it would be quieter?  That might be a solution.   A half way compromise so to speak.   You are a lovely person George and I am single... smile   Bev xx

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    • Posted

      wow, Bev, cheered me up again....Thought you had all gone to bed.....No bull, you are lovely also, and like yourself am single.( sounds like a dating agency)....I am so out of my depth this year, when I could cope in the armed forces, everything went well. nowadays, dont know where to turn or who to turn to...pm me if you like, always welcome..... Appreciate the comment , m8. xx, George
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    • Posted

      Hi George thats another criteria to belong to the Old Fools Club - the inability to make decisions smile  I am the same as can't make up my mind whether I want to stay where I am or move back to London (can't afford it though) or move back to my roots up north. 

      I find the older I get especially with depression the less I can make any decisions at all,  so life just passes by and I do nothing!   I don't think I like the old bit but then again what's the alternative? 

      Never been to Shropshire though - or Staffs smile   Take care of yourself George whatever you decide (or even if you don't).   Love Bev xx

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  • Posted

    Bless you George.  A difficult decision.  Where are you happiest?  What do your Grandchildren think?  If you move back to Shropshire are there friends there?  I think deep down you want to move back to the place you call home. 

    Please don't cry about it George.  You do what you think makes you more content. 

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  • Posted

    I understand your grief. Partially at least. But. Maybe you have to be with living people? And only sometimes to go there where you was with your beloved? Good luck George. 
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  • Posted

    Hi George, so sorry for your loss, as soon as I read that you get upset about it I really felt for you.

    Your grand kids did what they thought was the right thing and as it turned out it was, it would appear you have grieved and your ready to take back some control of your own life rather than what your kids have made for you ( I might be wrong).

    My suggestion is to consider moving back to Shropshire but perhaps rent for 3-6 months that way your not tied to somewhere because you've bought, and can give yourself AND your grand kids a "trial" period to see how you all feel about the move in a way that isn't temporary.

    The other thing I would suggest is to talk and be open to your grand kids about how you are feeling and what is going through your mind, I bet they will be suprisingly supportive.

    Hope that helps.

    Neil 

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    • Posted

      Thank you Neil to you and the others that have replied. If I can sit and think about the choices i have, it will make more sense than just banging away on the keyboard. the nub of it is, "Stay or go back", and feeling low for most of the time clouds my judgment somewhat., ND OF COURSE, STARTING A LIFE ALONE HAS A LOT TO BEAR ON THE EQUATION. i REALLY CANT COPE ON MY OWN.....ANYWAY, COHERENT THOUGHTS SOON, AS A VIRGO I HAVE ALWAYS APPROACHED PROBLEMS SYSTEMATICALLY, BUT CIRCUMSTANCES ARE WILDLY DIFERENT ON THIS ONE. sPEAK SOON, CHEERIO, gEORGE IN sTAFFORDSHIRE.

      sri caps lock stuck again........xxx to all.

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