Posted , 6 users are following.
I’ve always been a person with a bit of social anxiety, a bit more shyness, a 50/50 extroverts/introvert.
I always had problems contacting people I didn’t know, even by phone.
Because of this I had quite a few disappointments back in the days of my adolescence, college, university.
Educational, professional, sentimental, you name it.
Eventually I found a good job where somehow I avoided to expose myself to too much interaction, meetings, presentations.
My sentimental life also started to work.
But I have never lost that feeling of social anxiety, shyness, avoidance of human contact.
And then, I received a job offer from abroad and I said: why not, a change will help me to progress, right??
So, here am I, changing the country, changing the job and leaving everything behind.
The thing that my new job impacts everything I was afraid of, interacting with people, holding presentations, having initiative, delivering ideas.
When I first came, nobody introduced me to the team and department, they just gave me a laptop and that it. My boss started in the beginning by asking a lot of things from me, more and more, then he combined that with ignoring me and letting me work “by having initiative”.
After 7 months I barely interact with 2-3 persons from a team of 70, the rest they don’t know me and I never interact with them besides “hello”, I have panic attacks when I just heard that I will have to present things or interact with someone or call another person.
I feel useless at work and besides that, I don’t have any other activity outside the work because all my hobbies were related to my home country.
I don’t speak the local language and I’m having serious trouble learning it. After 7 months I barely know few words.
I’m living in a constant fear of not being fired as I’m caught in the middle, I don’t want to return to my home country as I don’t have anything anymore there, no house, no car, no good job (I gave up to a very good job for this new one).
But I don’t want to work or live here as well.
In the past 2 months it was worse than ever. I had depression all my life, from my childhood to maturity but I managed somehow to keep it at bay and enjoy life. Nevertheless, I feel that now I’m cracking, I tried to do some of my old hobbies, I went to the nature, read, no use. I feel how I’m on a descending path and nothing can stop me.
I don’t have a psychologist to talk to because I don’t speak the local language, I don’t have yet a social security insurance to go to a shrink and get some pills.
I started to have suicidal thoughts….
1 like, 26 replies